Mass effect: A trial of love
by Alphania
Summary: So, i ve decided to have my go and try to write a fanfic. This is the result. It s a romance between Garrus and Rehna Shepard. It will be both humorous, depressing at some points, and hopefully exiting! But i warn you! My english probably suck at most times, since it s NOT my main language. Would appreciate comments and rewievs. Working on getting the chapters corrected. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

So, this is my first try at a fan fiction, and my first try at a story in english (I´m from sweden, so my main language is swedish). I decided to write this story because i need to practise my english, and i really hated the end to ME3. So, i´m sorry if there is alot of grammar errors or misspellings, i try really hard but sometimes that´s not enough.

I really appreciate if you tell me where i can improve, or where i could change stuff. If you want to help me correct or anything, just send me a mail =)

I hope you can enjoy this story as much as i enjoy writing it. And i hope you can look past the errors.

The story starts at ME1 and ends after ME3 and the reapers. It will take some time to finish this story since i write in my own pace.

So thanks for reading, leave a comment =)

Alot of hugs and kisses, Alpha

* * *

Chapter 1 - The first step

Romance: Rehna Nahima Shephard - Garrus Vakarian

Vanguard, Colonist, War Hero.

**All the characters are owned by bioware and some of the segments of the conversations. I´m just trying my own version of the events!**

* * *

_- Well, what about shepard, she grew up in the colonies._

_- She knows how tough life can be out there. Her parents where killed when slavers attacked Mindoir._

_- She proved herself during the Blitz, held off enemy forces on the ground until reinforcements arrived._

_- She is the only reason Elysium is still standing._

_- We can´t question her courage._

_- Humanity needs a Hero, and shepard is the best we got._

_- I´ll make the call..._

* * *

She glanced outside the window of the big ship, watching the stars that shone like small light bulbs. She loved traveling the space, to feel and hear the ship moving. This mission was different than the usual ones. There was a turian spectre on board, and that usually meant something was up, something bad. She turned and left, walking through the CIC towards the cockpit where the pilot was stationed.

"I tell you, something is up, a turian spectre of all people!"

"You´re just finding problems were there aren´t any" Kaidan Alenko said with a mocking voice, "The council fund this project, they have a right to keep an eye on their investments"

"Yeah Joker, even i think you put to much weigh in this. Whatever he´s doing here it probably can´t be that bad"

"Oh Commander, i didn´t see you there, to what do i owe the pleasure of your pleasent company?"

"Cut the crap, Just tell me if we´re getting somewhere, are we close to Eden Prime yet?"

"You´re no fun.. Yeah, just entered the Exodus cluster"

"Good job, i´ll head to the debriefing room, seems Anderson is waiting for me"

"Good luck commander, i tell you, spectres are trouble"

Joker was an excellent pilot, a bit annoying according to most people, she liked him though. She walked towards the debriefing room to talk to Anderson, he probably wanted to prepare for the mission. But when she opened the door she faced the stately prescense of Nihlus, the spectre.

"Good to see you Commander, i hoped you would get here first"

"What´s that supposed to mean?"

"It´ll give us a chance to talk, alone"

_Whats this now, i knew it was trouble, not that i were the problem. _

"About what?"

"I´ve heard Eden Prime is supposed to be very beautiful"

"I´ve heard that to, never been there though"

"So, do you like being a Commander?"

"That´s a strange question, but yeah, i do"

"Never thought of a different job?"

The door swished open and Anderson came into the room "Maybe its time to tell you the real reason Nihlus is here, don´t you think so?"

"I´m here to investigate you, you showed your skills at the Blitz, i´m very impressed."

"This is the conclusive mission, after this he´ll decide if you are ready for that sort of responsibility"

Now that´s what im talking about, so i weren´t a problem, i was the solution. _Rehna Nahima Shepard, Spectre_. That sounds good in my ears...

Their conversation was interrupted by a transmission from Eden prime. It showed some sort of a big ship, people screaming, a woman shouting for help. They headed to the cargo bay to prepare for the mission, Nihlus would go ahed, she would lead a team to try and find the beacon.

"Good luck down there commander, the most importand thing is to find the beacon, survivors come second. Go!"

"Understood Captain!" She saluted and jumped off the ship, landing on the grass-lined planet.

* * *

They moved through the half like forest, looking for a sign of any kind of trouble, but all was dead silent. She signed for Jenkings to run forth and check, when he was suddenly sprayed by a ton of bullets. Kaidan screamed and ran up to him, Shepard shot the last of the enemies and ran there herself.

"He is dead, there´s nothing we can do now.."

"He deserves a burial"

"He does, and he will get it, but you heard the Captain. We have to find the beacon"

They left him laying on the ground, she shared a last glance at him before continuing on their mission. They fought their way through enemies, she recogniced them but hadn´t fought them before, they where some kind of artificial intelligences.

Suddenly she heard a scream and ran faster, facing a woman in trouble, they helped her kill the last enemies.

"Thank you, my name´s Ashley, Ashley Williams"

"Im Commander Shepard. Whats happening here, do you have any Idea what our enemies are?"

"I think their Geth"

Thats new, the Geth hadn´t left the Perseus Veil since the Morning War, since they drove the quarians away from their homeplanet.

"Geth, thats really strange.. What are they doing here, that beacon must be important"

"Yeah, i know.. "

"Come with us Ashley, we´ll head to the camp and check for evidence"

"Sure Ma´am, thanks"

The three of them continued. When heading up the hill they saw some strange contraptions, looking like Spikes. People had been pinned on to them, they were distorted, looking like monsters. When they got closer the spikes started moving, releasing the new kind of enemies, called husks.

They helped some survivors on their way, including an insane doctor and some smugglers. When they suddenly heard the bang of a bullet, one single bullet, Nihlus. They ran down the hill and found Nihlus dead on the ground, bleading profusely from a hole in his head. Someone was moving behind the crates.

"Show yourself, i know you´re there!" Shepard exclaimed demanding.

"I´m sorry... I can help you... i saw the one that did that" The colonist pointed towards Nihlus, his entire body shaking

"What did you see?"

"It was his friend, atleast that´s what i think he was, since he let his guard down talking to him. It was a turian, called saren.. When that dude turned around Saren shot him from behind!"

"Damn.. I know saren, he is one of the most high respected spectres... This is bad, really bad.. "

They continued, traveling with the tram. When they reached their destination, they saw bombs all over the place. Saren was planning to blow the place up, probably trying to hide the evidences. Shepard discharged them and headed towards the beacon, some strange light surged from it. Kaidan walked up to it, when he suddenly started to get sucked towards it. Shepard ran up to him and threw him out of the way, she herslef getting stuck to the strange beacon. Her body shook uncontrollably as it imprinted a strange memory, visions of destruction, war.. She fell to the ground unconscious, the beacon blown up..

* * *

"She´s waking up... How are you feeling Commander? It looked like you where dreaming"

Dr chakwas shared a vorried look as she began some securing tests, making sure she was okey.

"I was... Or, it was a vision, from the beacon.."

"I´m so glad you are okey, Williams and I had to carry you back to the ship, you where completley blacked out"

"Thanks.."

"Don´t thank me... it was all my fault, i should have been more careful..."

"Don´t blame yourself, you couldn´t have known, no one knew.."

"Is she awake?" Anderson entered the room, his worried stare faded when he saw she was awake. "I need to speek with her, alone"

The doctor and Kaidan left the room, she gazed at Anderson, feeling a bit uncomfortable wondering what he wanted.

"How are you feeling?"

"It feels like my brain has been squashed by a bulldozer, except for that, just a bit tired."

"I see, you said you had visions, what about?"

"It was like a dream, a really strange dream.. People screaming, Death, destruction.. I saw a war Captain, and not the usual one, it´s the reapers"

"The Reapers? But they disappeared 50 000 years ago..."

"That´s what i saw.."

"It doesn´t sound promising.. I spoke with the council, they are quite upset. About Nihlus and the beacon. We need to talk to them, so we are heading to the Citadel. I hope you are ready for this."

"I am, just need to rest some more, i´ll be up and running in no time. And what did you do with Williams by the way?"

"I assigned her to the team, she´s a good soldier"

"She is, glad to have her on the team"

She lay back on the hospital bed, Dr Chakwas returned and gave her some painkillers. The vision screamed in her hed, making her feel strange and uncomfortable. She winced and rubbed her forehead with her fingers, almost hoping she could rub the vision away.

* * *

Garrus watched as Executor Pallin walked away, he exhaled heavily and muttered. He had shown him the evidence on Saren, hoping he would be allowed to do something. But Pallin had not listened just said the evidence weren´t strong enough. He sighed and was about to leave, when he saw someone come up the stairs. She was redheaded, green lively eyes searching the area. So that´s her, that´s the famous Hero of the Skyllian blitz, wonder what she´s doing here. She walked up to him with determined strides and offered her hand, he shook it. She studied him, let her eyes wander his body as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"I´m Garrus Vakarian"

"Commander Shepard"

"I´ve heard alot about you, nice work on Blitz"

"Thanks. So, problem with the executor? He looked mad"

"I hate when people don´t listen.. I kind of, yelled, a bit to loud i guess"

"Yeah, those in charge seem to hate when people ask uncomfortable questions.."

"Yeah, I had strong evidence on Saren. But he´s the councils little puppy so they won´t do anything that goes against him"

"Saren huh, yeah, i got som shit on him to. Heading over to the council right now to talk to them about him."

"Good luck with that.. The council is just as bad as the rest of the leaders here..."

"Thanks, guess i´ll be needing it.. Well, nice talking to you" She let her arms fall to her sides and started walking, turning her head around looking at him "maybe we´ll se eachother later.. " Then she headed of towars the citadel tower.

She wasn´t at all what he had expected, chocked by her honisty and strength. _Yeah.. maybe we´ll see eachother later..._

* * *

Rehna had learned long ago to keep her emotions in check, never letting anyone know how she really felt. It was important to never show how vulnrable you could be, enemies could take advantage of that.

For the first time in her life she stood infront of the council, they looked so strong and confident, untouchable. Her heart was beating uncontrollably, she was nervous, but made sure not to show a sign of it.

Ambassador Udina hurried towards her "You´re late! This is the council you´re about to speak to, not some half ass underdog!"

"Oh, but Ambassador, i was so stunned with the surroundings, i´m sure the council will understand" She winked at him, which probably made him even more angry, she didn´t care.

Udina spoke to the council, showing the evidence from Eden Prime. Saren was only there in hologram form, speaking to the council from his own ship.

The Asari councilor was the first to speak "The Geth is a matter of some concern. But there is nothing to indicate Saren was involved in any way"

Then the Turian councilor spoke his concerns "The investigation by Citadel security turned up no evidence to support your charge of treason"

I knew they wouldn´t listen, Saren is their most succesful spectre, they would do anything to keep it that way.

"An eyewitness saw Saren kill Nihlus in cold blod!" She could hear Udina get more angry by every minute.

The Salarian councilor spoke up with a mocking voice "The testimony of one traumatized dockworker is hardly compelling proof"

"I resent thes accusations. Nihlus was a fellow spectre, and a friend"

Rehna disliked Saren already, she could se right through him, tell he was lying.

"That just let you catch him off guard!"

"Captain Anderson, you always seem to be involved when humanity makes false charges against me. And this must be your protégé, Commander Shepard. The one who let the beacon get destroyed"

"You placed bombs on Eden Prime, then tried to cover it up! I would say that makes it your fault."

"Shift the blame to cover up your own Failures, just like Captain Anderson. He´s taught you well. but what can you expect from a human?... "

"You can expect me to get some more solid evidence on your failures"

"Your species needs to learn its place, Shepard. You´re not ready to join the council. You´re not even ready to join the spectres!"

"He has no right to say that! Its not his decision!" Udina spat out

"Shepard´s admission into the spectres is not the purpose of this meeting"

"This meeting has no purpose, the humans are wasting your time, councilor. And mine"

"You can´t hide behind the council forever, i´ll see to that"

They tried to persuade the council but there was no point, they had already made up their minds and would not budge. They claimed Shepards vision as wild imaginings and reckless speculations. Now she was really angry, she clenched her fists hard to her side as she listened to the final words from the council.

"The council has found no evidence of any connection between Saren and the Geth. Ambassador, Your petition to have him disparred from the spectres is denied."

"I´m glad to see justise was served"

Rehna had to constrain hard not to point her middle finger at the stupid spectre.

* * *

She met the Ambassador and Captain downstairs to discuss what to do next.

"Your past is hunting you down Anderson, their mind was already clowded with your past mistakes."

"So what do we do now? What´s our next step?"

"We should find evidence, talk to different people"

"Garrus Vakarian was the leader of the investigation on Saren, maybe he´s got something worth looking up"

"I met him before the meeting, he seemed eager to capture Saren."

"Talk to Harking down at Chora´s Den, i think he knows where you can find Vakarian"

"Good, i´ll start with that"

Rehna and her team headed down towards the lower wards, she didn´t like Chora´s, to many drunk idiots. But now she was about to talk to another drunk idiot, so it was supposedly the right way to go.

She had heard about Garrus before, knew he was a hell of a sniper, a good fighter. Even if he didn´t have any evidence on saren, she could bring him on the mission, he could be helpful.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 - Determination and respect**

Romance: Rehna Nahima Shephard - Garrus Vakarian Vanguard, Colonist, War Hero.

**All the characters are owned by bioware and some of the segments of the conversations. I´m just trying my own version of the events! **

* * *

Rehna walked into the crowded bar, the music rang loud in her ears. She scanned the room to try and find Harkin. Moving through the bar she spotted the usual asari dancers, the drunken ex-soldiers, the people who tried to find comfort with alcohol.

"Hi, there sweetie." He sat in a lonely corner, you could tell he was wasted, "Looking for some fun? Because I gotta say, that soldier get-up looks real good on that body of yours. Why don´t you sit your sweet little ass down beside old Harkin." He patted the empty spot next to him.

"Don´t think so…"

"C'mon! It´ll be fun, I can buy you drinks and you can…make me happy" He winked at her with his drunken eyes.

Rehna grabbed his collar and stared at him with disgust "If you don´t stop with that right now, I´ll smash your face so hard it won´t be recognizable."

"Okay…Calm down lady... What do you want from me?"

"I want you, to tell me, where I can find Garrus Vakarian"

"Mhm…Garrus you say, he was sniffing around Dr. Michel´s office. She runs the Med Clinic on the other side of the wards. Last I heard he was going back there…"

"Good, hope I don´t get to see you again…"

Rehna and her crew left him sitting there pissed and alone, they continued towards the Med Clinic where Garrus was supposed to be.

* * *

Garrus sat behind the pillar, waiting for the right moment to strike. He had successfully sneaked into the Med Clinic, where Dr. Michel was being kept hostage by four guys. He listened as the thugs interrogated the terrified Doctor.

"I didn´t tell anyone I swear!"

"That was smart, Doc. Now, if Garrus comes around, stay smart! Keep your mouth shut or we´ll…"

The door whooshed open with a hissing sound, and there she was, Shepard. He could see the three of them arm themselves and aim for the thugs. The leader of the group grabbed Michel and held his gun towards her head.

"Who are you?"

"Let her go!"

He saw his moment to act, he turned around the pillar and shot the guy who held Michel. As soon as the doctor was free, she jumped to cover. Shepard rushed forward and helped eliminate the rest of the scoundrels.

"Are you hurt?"

Shepard helped Michel get to her feet.

"I´m okay, thanks to you…all of you"

"Why were they threatening you? Who do they work for?"

"They work for Fist. They wanted to shut me up, keep me from telling Garrus about the Quarian."

"Go on."

"A few days ago, a Quarian came by my office. She´d been shot, but she wouldn´t tell me who did it. I could tell she was scared, probably on the run. She asked me about the Shadow Broker. Wanted to trade information in exchange for a safe place to hide."

"Where is she now?"

"I put her in contact with Fist. He´s an agent for the Shadow Broker."

"Not any more. Now he works for Saren, and the Shadow Broker isn´t too happy about it" Garrus added

"Fist betrayed the Shadow Broker? That´s stupid, even for him. Saren must have made him quite the offer."

"That Quarian must have something that Saren wants. Something worth crossing the Shadow Broker to get ."

"What else can you tell me about the Quarian?"

"I´m not sure. Like I said, she wanted to trade information for a place to hide. She didn´t... Wait a minute! Geth. Her information had something to do with the geth!"

"She must be able to link Saren to the geth. There´s no way the Council can ignore this!" Garrus exclaimed.

"Time we paid Fist a visit."

With that Shepard turned around and started walking out. Garrus wasn´t sure what to do, he wanted to come with, wanted to nail Saren.

"Wait!"

She turned around and looked at him with a questioning stare. "If you´re going after Saren, I want to come with you" She just stood there, looking at him, deciding what to answer. She moved up to him so that she stood just a foot away, giving him a confident stare.

"Why do you, who´s a turian, a simple C-Sec officer, want to capture Saren?" He felt a bit irritated by her way of describing him, considering what to answer.

"He is a shame to all that we turian stand for, he is dangerous and ruthless."

"What´s your personal gain?"

"There is no personal gain. My job is to capture those who bend the law, those who hurt others." He sighed and took a deep breath. "I hate those who have power and use it to commit crimes. He is a Spectre (on the wiki, they always capitalized this word), someone who can do whatever he pleases. I need to capture him so he don´t get to hurt more people. I need to capture him to open the eyes of those who command this screwed up galaxy..."

"So you, a turian, want to join my mission, me being a human and all"

"I don´t have anything against humans, I´m not as the other turians, trust me …"

"Then I trust that you will listen to my command, that you´ll never disobey my orders. I won´t tolerate insubordination, if you disobey me, I´ll throw you out the goddamn airlock, that clear?" She poked his chest and stared at him with determination.

He looked at her, she looked so strict, so uptight. Her bright red hair tucked into a firm bun at the back of her head. Her green eyes burning with confident. Wondering if he was leading himself into a trap, knowing he was a bad turian, the kind who did not respond well to orders. But this was his only chance, the only chance to nail Saren, and he was gonna nail him hard. He sighed and let out a low growl. "Clear ma´am"

"Welcome to the team!" She said while holding out her hand, he shook it. "Now …I feel like having a nice little chat with Fist, want to tag along?" She gave him a clever smile.

"Sure as hell"

"Good. Kaidan, head back to the Normandy. Ashley, you come with us."

He smiled to himself as he followed her, it didn´t matter if she was human, in this moment she could have been a vorcha, he was just happy he got the chance. He didn´t know if he was gonna be able to follow her lead, but at least he could pretend like he was going to, she wouldn´t notice...

* * *

On the way down to Chora's Den they ran into Wrex, a mercenary krogan who was hired to take down Fist. He offered to join the team. Said that she could choose, either he can tag along, or he would consider them as casualties. Shepard gave him an angry stare, tapping her feet in the ground.

"Well, we need to get to Fist, fast."

"I can take you there...fast" She sighed and shook the Krogan's hand, deciding it was better to have him on her side.

"Welcome to the team then …"

She told him the same things she had told Garrus, that he had to follow her orders. After sending Ashley to the Normandy, they continued towards Chora's Den. They fought their way through Fist´s accomplices, who was scattered all over the bar. They reached the small room at the end of the bar, where Fist was located. Shepard interrogated him, forcing him to reveal his plans. It turned out that he had set up a trap for the Quarian. She was supposed to meet the Shadow Broker. Instead, he had set up so that his thugs would kill her and steal the information. And that meeting was soon to be held. Shepard slapped Fist to the ground, threatening him.

"I´ll spare your life, only so that I can come back if this plan fails, GOT IT?"

Fist nodded as he lay shivering on the ground. They turned to leave when Wrex suddenly picked up his shotgun and killed Fist.

"What the hell was that?"

"I had a contract, kill Fist. I never leave an agreement unhandled."

"Fuck this, we don´t have time."

Shepard rushed off with angry steps, the two of them followed. The meeting would be held soon, they had to get there fast to save the Quarian. When they got to the meeting, the Quarian was surrounded by Fist´s thugs. The team sneaked as close as they could and aimed their weapons. Preparing for the right moment to act.

"Did you bring it?" One of the thugs said while touching the Quarian's arm, she shook it off.

"Where´s the Shadow Broker? Where´s Fist?"

"They´ll be here, Where´s the evidence?"

"No way, the deal´s off." The thugs began their attack, the Quarian jumped to safety while throwing a grenade at them. Shepard rushed forward and started shooting the scoundrels. After taking down all the thugs they went over to speak to the Quarian, who looked unharmed.

"Fist set me up! I knew I couldn´t trust him."

"Were you hurt in the fight?"

"I know how to look after myself. Not that i don´t appreciate the help. Who are you?"

"My name is Shepard. I´m looking for evidence to prove Saren´s a traitor."

"Then I have a chance to repay you for saving my life. But not here, we need to go somewhere safe."

The group headed towards the human embassies to speak with Udina and Anderson, to show them the evidence.

* * *

"You´re not making my life easy Shepard…Firefights in the wards, an all out assault on Chora's Den, do you know how many…" Udina stopped talking when spotting the Quarian. "Who´s this? A Quarian, what are you up to Shepard?"

"Making your day ambassador. She has information linking Saren to the geth"

"Really, maybe you better start at the beginning, miss? …"

"My name is Tali, Tali´Zorah nar Rayya."

"We don´t se many Quarian here, why did you leave the Flotilla?"

"I was on my pilgrimage, my right of passage into adulthood."

"Tell us what you found."

"During my travels, I began hearing reports on geth. Since they drove my people into exile, the geth have never ventured beyond the Veil. I was curious. I tracked a patrol of geth to an uncharted world, I waited for one to become separated from its unit. Then I disabled it and removed its memory core. I managed to salvage something from its audio banks"

Tali replayed the message she had on her omni-tool and Saren's voice echoed through the office. "Eden Prime was a major victory. The beacon has brought us one step closer to finding the Conduit."

"That´s Saren's voice! This proves he was involved with the attack." Anderson exclaimed

"Wait, there´s more. Saren wasn´t working alone"

Tali played the rest of the message. "And one step closer to the return of the Reapers" It was a female, with a deep dark voice that spoke.

Shepard winced as the vision from the beacon hit her, the Reapers, the extinction of the Protheans.

"I don´t recognise that voice…The one talking about Reapers. Are they some kind of new alien species?" Udina said.

"According to the memory core, the Reapers were a hyper advanced machine race. That existed 50,000 years ago. The Reapers hunted the Protheans to total extinction and then they vanished. At least that´s what the geth believe." Tali explained.

"Sounds a little farfetched to me" Udina said crossing his arms over his chest.

"The vision on Eden Prime, it's about the Reaper war, I´m sure of it. Saren is bringing back the Reapers, and we have to stop it!"

"We need to tell the Council about this, at least it proves that Saren´s a traitor!"

"Anderson is right, I´ll get us a meeting with the Council."

"What do we do about her?" Wrex said while pointing at Tali.

"My name is Tali!…You saw me in the alley, Commander, you know what I can do. Let me come with you."

"I thought you were on your pilgrimage"

"The pilgrimage proves we are willing to give of ourselves for the greater good. What does it say about me if I turn my back on this? Saren is a danger to the entire galaxy, my pilgrimage can wait."

Shepard stood there, thinking, deciding if she should take Tali with her on the mission. "I need all the help I can get…"

She gave Tali the talk as to what rules to obey on the mission. And then welcomed her to the team.

They would speak to the Council tomorrow, when rested and prepared. They were not gonna make the same mistake they did the last time.

* * *

The three of them stood outside the human embassy, on their way to leave for the day.

"Now you have time to prepare, for the mission that is at hand. We are going to be far away from the Citadel most of the time, which means you will live, eat and sleep on the Normandy. If there is anything you have to do before we leave, this is the time. Return to your living areas and gather your things. Meet me outside the Normandy 6:00 sharp. Then you will get the time to get to know the ship. Decide your new living areas and so on. Is that clear?"

"Yes Ma´am" they answered. When they started walking, Shepard stopped Wrex and Garrus.

"I´m not done with the two of you yet! she said." She looked around, making sure they where alone. Whatever Garrus would have expected, it wasn´t this. Her face slightly red with anger, her green lustrous eyes, burning when looking upon them. She took a deep breath.

"This is not YOUR mission, it's not up to you to decide how we do things! I told the both of you that! Said that I won´t tolerate insubordination! I´m the head of this mission and I'm damn well gonna keep it that way! I´m the one who decides who we kill or let live! We DO NOT kill or risk civilian life! There are no cutting corners. We will take the long, hard way around it, if that´s what it takes! If you hurt a civilian, I'll throw you off the mission. If I say we spare the life of a lowlife scumbag, YOU DO SO!" She took a deep breath "This mission, is too important...too important for me to let anything go wrong. I have to trust my team, I have to trust that you´ll obey me! If I doubt your obedience, I'm not only risking my own life, I'm risking the lives of everyone around me. And I won´t let that happen! This was the first mission you had with me, so I´ll let it slip. But if it happens again, YOU ARE OUT! This is your chance to be a part of something really important, saving the galaxy important. Here´s where you take a stand! Either you follow my lead, accepting my rules, my command. Or you turn and leave right away, I don´t care, that´s your loss! But if you decide to stay, if you decide to stand by my side and fight. You know that I will NOT! accept insubordination! IS THAT CLEAR?"

Both of them stunned to silence, watching the person who had scolded them. Wrex chuckled as he was quite impressed with this small human. She almost acted like a krogan, although using words instead of violence. He could appreciate that.

Garrus on the other hand didn´t know what to think, he had thought she was different. Not as irrational as the other humans. It made him quite angry, he looked at her, while she stood there breathing heavily, eyeing them one on one, waiting for them to answer. He could hear her heartbeats, they were calm... He could read her body language. Realising she wasn´t mad, she acted, and was good at it … She had caught his act, knew he hadn´t promised her total obedience. Knew that maybe one day he would choose not to listen to her orders … She wanted loyal teammates, people who would trust her decisions. So she held this speech to stir up emotions in them, making them realise how important it was. You are a very special commander, Shepard. He was impressed. Clever girl he chuckled.

"Yes Ma'am ." They answered at the same time. "Dismissed!" Was all she said before turning around and leaving them.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 - The Spectre**

Romance: Rehna Nahima Shephard - Garrus Vakarian

Vanguard, Colonist, War Hero.

**All the characters are owned by bioware and some segments of the conversations. I´m just trying my own version of the events!**

* * *

Back on the Normandy Rehna realised it was pretty late, she wanted to get atleast some sleep before tomorrow, the workout had to wait. She chuckled inwardly thinking of how stunned she had made the two aliens, giving them the usual military speach, with her own alterations. She had got that shout out from many other allians leaders and she knew it worked, most of the times anyway. This was all new to her, having aliens in the team and she needed them to respect her authority. Krogans where known for being rebellious and turians didn´t like to follow the lead of humans, hence she was forced to scream at them a little.

she made her way to the crew deck to get something to eat and chat a little with her teammates. the food was pretty okey for being ship-food, the chef tried his best to make the crew happy. After the meal she took a shower and headed to bed.

6:00 sharp Shepard meet the new teammembers at the docking bay, all of them tired from the few hours of sleep. They had brought very little with them, just some bags with clothes and a few belonings.

"Well this is nice, atleast you know how to be there in time." she chuckled

"Lets get on with it, ill show you around and introduce you to the crew."

They all followed her as they entered the Normandy, they where amazed at the ship, it was a real beauty, a combination of the best technology from both turians and humans. They got to meet Joker the very strange pilot with brittle bone disease, pressly gave them a strange look as they where introduced. Continuing through the CIC into the debriefing room, and later down the stairs to the crew deck. When they had seen the whole ship they found the spots they would spend their remaining time on. Garrus settled in the garage/storage section next to the Mako, thinking he could get some work done if he was allowed, Wrex also decided to settle in the garage. Tali who was a real tech geek felt most comfortable near the Ezo core, so she settled in the engine room with engineer adams.

* * *

The meting with the councilors was soon to be held and shepard took Garrus and Tali with her to the meting, thinking it would be good to show that she was willing to work with aliens.

They represented their evidence and the councilors where stunned, not expecting there actually was something going one with Saren. They discussed lively with eachother of how they where gonna continue on with this problem. Saren was stripped from his spectre status, but he was still out there and no one knew where. The council didn´t know what to think of the reapers, they just couldn´t belive a sentient machine race from 50 000 years ago would be brought back. They focused on stopping saren, sending a fleet after him could start a war with the terminus system, they had to approach this problem with alot more finess.

"The humans aren´t ready yet, she is not ready yet!" the turian councilor argued.

"I am ready! the humans have shown they are capable, i can do this and i WILL catch Saren, if you give me the chance! I have earned this!"

A long silence occured as they watched her, thinking if this was really the right thing to do, but it seemed like the only option.

_"Commander Shepard, step forward. it is the decision of the council, that you will be granted all the power and the privileges of the Special Tactics and Reconnaissance branch of the citadel. Specters are not trained but chosen, individuals forged in the fire of service and battle. those whose action elevate them above the rank and file. Specters are an ideal a symbol the embodiment of courage and determination and selfreliance, they are the right hand of the council, instruments of our will. specters bare a great burden they are protectors of the galactic peace, both our first and last line of defence, the safety of the galaxy is theirs to uphold."_

"You are the first human spectre commander, this is a great accomplishment for you and your entire species."

"I am honored council."

Her heart raced in her chest and she couldn´t help but smile wide as she turned around to leave. Garrus looked at her and was amazed, she was the first human specter, he could se her happines and smiled back at her.

they meet Udina and Andersson downstairs to discuss how to continue on with the mission.

"Me and Andersson have discussed the best options for your continued mission, you will need a good crew and ship."

"We decided to hand you the normandy and let you command her crew, with her stealth systems and speed you will be able to what is needed."

Rehna looked at andersson, stunned and chocked.

"No you can´t do that, the normandy is your ship andersson!"

"Right now its more important to catch Saren, i can´t go with, we won´t give the councilors any reason not to listen to us, my history with saren may ruin everything. No, this is up to you now Commander, this is your mission, don´t let us down"

"Thank you, i won´t fail"

She knew it couldn´t be easy for Andersson, he had told her many times he didn´t like paper work, and he was gonna have alot of that from now on. They headed back to the normandy, now was gonna be a great time to have that work out...

* * *

She started out with the punching bag hitting it hard over and over, after a while sweat started pouring down her neck and brow. But she continued, wasn´t gonna stop until she was utterly exhausted. Suddenly the door whoshed open behind her and she turned around facing a smiling Kaidan.

"I guess i have to congratulate you, fiiirst human spectre, impressive!"

"thanks, It´s a great honour" she said while throwing another punch.

"It´s some interesting people you have been picking up, will they come with us when we leave? And i just have to ask, why are you allowed to pick out a new crew? Isn´t Andersson the one in charge, where is he anyway?" he said with a confused slightly mocking voice.

"Andersson won´t be coming with us..." she punched the bag a bit harder while uttering those words

"Wait, WHAT?.."

She was quiet for a moment, letting out a deep sigh..

"Udina and Andersson decided it was best they let me handle it, because of Anderssons past with Saren, we don´t want the councilor to have anything they can use against us. "

"That´s, just bullshit, he didn´t do anything wrong, why did they have to pull him off the investigation? We need him!"

She turned around and with a determined stride she walked up to him, stopping right in front of him with her eyes fixed in his.

"Alenko, are you questioning my ability to lead this mission? because it sure sounds like it."

"No, no ma´am, i was just.."

"Just telling me i´m not as good as Andersson?" She sank into her hip, crossing the arms over her chest.

"No, i believe in your ability to lead this team, i was just a bit chocked, thats all..."

"look, i don´t like this either, Andersson is a hell of a captain and they should never have stripped him off the Normandy. But this is how it ended up and we should make the best of it, i hope you will work with the same enthusiasm under my command as you did with Andersson. "

"ofcourse i will commander, i know you can do this!"

"good, now i´m going to continue my workout, dismissed."

Well that wasn´t how he had planned it, now she was mad with him. before exiting the room he turned around to take a short glance at the commander. She was in her tight work out clothes, the lively red hair all messed up, sweat pouring down her body, damn she was hot.

when she knew he had left she chuckled, oy oy, it was so easy to play with the teams emotions, sometimes she felt a bit ashamed when she made them shake in their boots. But she knew that she had to be strict to be able to keep their respect, once they had it, it would be easier to play along a little nicer. But if you start of as being friends, it would be alot harder to gain their full respect for her as commander. This mission was to damn importand, there was alot of weight on her shoulders and she wasn´t gonna fail just because her team didn´t trust her enough.

She didn´t stop until she was so exhausted her body shivered and her knees felt weak, she headed to the showers, later she was gonna inform the crew of the news and decide where to go next.

* * *

Her voice echoed in the ship through the speakers when she informed the crew of the recent events that had put her in command. she also informed the team to meet up in the debriefing room to come up with a plan.

Rehna was leaning on the console looking out over the crew as she spoke

"I think our best option is to find Benezias daughter, Liara T´soni, so we will head to Therum first, with her help maybe we can find benezias hideout. I want you to know that i appreciate you all for being here, going on this mission with me. You all know the stakes, this is important, i hope we will be able to get along and that you will respect my authority. If we all work togehter for this greater goal, we will succed! Are you with me?"

A unison "yes Ma´am" was uttered from the team.

"Great! Dismissed" she chuckled.


	4. Chapter 4

** Chapter 4 - Competition Sniper**

Romance: Rehna Nahima Shephard - Garrus Vakarian

Vanguard, Colonist, War Hero.

**All the characters are owned by bioware and some segments of the conversations. I´m just trying my own version of the events!**

* * *

Garrus was granted permission to work on the mako, so he decided now would be a good time to start, since it would take a couple of hours to get to Therum. He heard the elevator on it´s way down and looked in that direction. Shepard started walking towards him and stopped to lean on the mako.

"hi Vakarian, what are you doing?"

"Hi Commander, Just upgrading some, thought now would be a good time since i have nothing else to do at the moment"

"I have heard about you, quite famous for being a c-sec offiser"

"you have? hope its nothing bad"

"well, some of both i think, they say you are a hot head, not good at respecting authorities, and that you are a hell of a sniper" when she said the last part she looked at him intrigued

"well, most off it is true i guess, you probably know how we turians work, raised to follow orders, guess that makes me a bad turian"

"So is that good or bad for me?" she chuckled

"Depends, i won´t question your orders, as long as you don´t make me do something really awful... Don´t worry though, i remember your little speech" He said teasingly

"And make sure you don´t forget it, i keep my promises. But is it true then, are you as good of a sniper as they say you are?"

"It has always been my favorit weapon. I have practiced with it for alot of years now, perfecting my skills"

"Then i guess i have a competitor, you see, it´s my favorit weapon as well"

He looked at her, a bit chocked, didn´t expect her to be the sniper kind of girl.

"I see, i wouldn´t have guessed"

"Yeah, Most people don´t. They think i´m an idiot for using such a strange combination, sniping and biotics i mean. But it´s a real thrill, to watch someones head explode through the scope" Her eyes burned through his, that amazing shine in her again.

"you enjoy watching heads explode?"

she chuckled "If im really honest? Yeah, i guess i do. But it´s so much more than that. It´s about the thrill of the combat, to see the enemy fall by your hand. We are out there fighting each day, i just make sure to enjoy it while i´m at it. And don´t tell me you don´t enjoy it to!"

"I haven´t really thought about it before.. I guess it´s fun, in some way... Yeah, i guess i enjoy it to!" He laughed.

"I knew it! "

"I never pictured you as that kind of person.."

"As what kind of person precisely"

"The one... Who enjoy killing.."

"Damn... It´s hard to explain, i shouldn´t have started.. But, it´s not really the joy in killing people. It´s about the fight, the thrill of the battle, the adrenaline that pumps your veins. We are supposed to be out there, killing other people. And i think, that if you don´t start enjoy it at some point, you will break. I love to be out there making a different, killing evil people. And what does it matter really, their out there doing the same as us. It´s either them, or us.."

"I can see it from that point of view, and i guess i agree. It´s not innocent people we are killing, they are often murderers, criminals.."

"Exactly my point! I never, ever, kill civilians. They are innocent, but the ones that fight back, those i don´t hesitate to put and end to. And using a sniper rifle gives that edge, that extra something. It´s so different from every other gun. I knew from the first time i held a sniper rifle in my hand, that it would be my absolut favorit weapon"

"Yeah, it´s really something.. I have tried other weapons myself, but i just got stuck on sniping. And Assault rifle of course, i like those to"

"Naah, i enjoy pistol more in that case! Well, i wanted to see your sniping skills in action. That´s why i decided to bring you on this next mission. Just remember, i won´t hold back, i expect you to do the same" She winked at him.

"it´s on, Commander. You won´t stand a chance"

"With your reputation, maybe you´re right" She glanced at him with a clever smile before she walked over to wrex.

Maybe he shouldn´t take out his victory before hand, but he knew how good he was. He knew that most people didn´t even come near his skills. But she kept surprising him, just when he thought he had her figured out, she did something that made him baffled.

* * *

They landed with the Mako on Therum and made their way to the dig site, where they supposed Liara would be. At a point they had to abandon the vehicle and make the rest of the way on foot. Shepard had also brought Tali with them since she was a tech expert and could hack the geth.

"So, game on then Vakarian" Rehna looked at him with that damn smerk of hers

"Game on Commander"

When the first enemies appeared he didn´t even have time to react before Rehna had taken her first geth down. okey, maybe she was better then he had expected. But he wasn´t far behind, he took a shoot at one of the geth and it´s light flickered and died. They kept moving forward, faster then they had expected, geth falling dead to the ground everywhere.

"hey guys, leave some for me!" Tali shouted over the comm

Both of them where to intrigued to listen to her as they keept shoting.

"So Vakarian, how many?"

"9, how about you?"

"12, and i´m not done yet"

Damn he though, he wasn´t gonna loose to this squishy annoying human. He tried to move faster, taking down geth so fast his rifle screamed in protest. The first wave of enemies had been wiped out effectivly and now they just had to walk the rest of the way to the dig site.

"I´m up in 16, how about you Vakarian?"

"14 ma´am" he said a bit irritated

"oh, you catched up, but i´m still two ahead" She said smiling at him teasingly

"Don´t worry about me commander, there are still enemies ahead... and i don´t like loosing"

"Then there are two uf us"

"Hey guys... are you really competing in the middle of an important battle?..." Tali asked chocked

"Why yes, Tali, we are. I have always thought that a bit of competing spices things up, and we are moving alot faster then we would have if we didn´t"

They reached the the dig site where they where forced to take down a geth armature together, The three of them took it down pretty fast, Tali was a big help with her surprisingly good tech skills, the last shoot was fired by Shepard and the armature fell to the ground dead silent. Rehna threw her hand in the air and laughed!

"That doesn´t count commander! we all helped with that one!"

"aaw, i guess you are right Vakarian, damn it, still alot of fun though!"

They made their way into the prothean dig site where they searched for the doctor. They found her trapped in some sort of biotic field, where she accidently had gotten stuck.

"please help me out of here" The asari pleaded

"You are Matriarch Benezias daughter, she works for Saren now, how do i know if i can trust you?"

"What? I Haven´t spoken with my mother in years, who is Saren, what have he done? please just let me out of here, i wont give you any trouble!"

Shepard explained about saren to the doctor and gave her some brief details about the mission. Rehna seemed to have decided she could trust the Asari as she started to look for ways to get her out of the biotic field. Another wave of geth attacked them but they easily killed them off.

On their way up and out of the dig site rubble starting to fall around them, the dig site was about to fall apart. but before they could reach the surface they where stopped by a krogan and his geth followers.

"Saren needs that Doctor, hand her over, or don´t, that would be more fun"

Shepard took up her rifle and sent a bullet at the krogans head, he stumbled back but wasn´t killed, Garrus shoot another bullet and this time the krogan fell over.

"That doesn´t count! we helped with that one" Shepard said over the comm, he chuckled

They killed the last of the geth and started running towards the exit, rubble was pouring down at the side as they ran, they barely made it out before the cave collapsed.

"Joker, we need a pick up now! this Volcano is collapsing"

"aye aye Ma´am, i´m on my way"

"Everyone alright?" Rehna asked

They had some cuts and bruises but nothing serious.

"So Vakarian, i ended up at 19, not counting the armature"

"19 commander, not counting the krogan"

"Then i guess we are even, we will have to settle this another time"

Both of them laughed, he was pretty impressed, no one had even been near beating him before. He had underestimated her, now he knew better.

* * *

Back on the Normandy the team gathered in the debriefing room to go over the last mission.

"To close commander, ten more seconds and we would have been swimming in molten sulphur, the Normandy isn´t equipped to land in exploding volcanoes, they tend to fry our sensors and melt our hull, just for future reference" They heard joker say over the speakers

"we almost died out there today and your pilot is making jokes?"

"He is an amazing pilot, the best in allians space, and he just saved our lives. we will just have to live with his bad sence of humor"

Liara told them alot about her research, she was a prothean expert and had figured out that the protheans had been wiped out 50 000 years ago. And there where other civilisations before them aswell, also wiped out, but she didn´t know how it had happened.

"They where wiped out by sentiend machines, the reapers"

when she heard that shepard had been connected to the beacon she almost fell off the chair in her excitement.

"Maybe i can help you with that vision, if we connect our minds i can try to reconstruct it!"

"you wanna meld our minds?..."

"well, i wouldn´t use that word for it, but as an easy explanation, yeah"

"I´m not sure i want my mind... meld..."

"I promise you commander, its completley safe!"

"argh... what the hell, go on with it"

Afterwards Liara was totally exhausted and dizzy, she needed to take a break, after all, she had been stuck in that biotik field for some time. The commander however looked completley untouched. She couldn´t help much with the vision though, said it was broken, there where missing pieces.

"You are remarkable strong willed commander. what you have been through, what you have seen, would have destroyed a lesser mind.

"you look dizzy Liara, when was the last time you ate or slept?"

"its probably nothing, just mental exhaustion and realising the protheans true fate, i just need some rest."

"okey everyone, we will continue this later, dismissed"

* * *

The crew headed to the crew deck to get some to eat and chat with eachother. The commander stayed behind to update the council.

"Was it really necessary to destroy the prothean dig site?" the turian councilor argued.

"yes, yes it was really necessary, no other way, i really enjoyed blowing it up, best thing i have eeeeeever done, i hate protheans" she sank in to a hip looking at the councilors with a provocativ look.

"this is no time for joking commander! you just destroyed years of valuable research"

"oh, but i´m not joking...or am i?"

"we will talk again later commander, i hope you will be more respectful that time"

She stormed out of the debriefing room bumping right in to Garrus.

"oh, i´m sorry, i should have watched my steps" She looked embarresed

"No worries commander... is something wrong?"

"no it´s nothing, i´ll see you later"

She keept walking, heading to her quarters. FUCK, DAMN, SHIT! she hated the council, she wanted to strangle them "did you really have to destroy that base" "important research gone" DAMN. She hated them, hated how they looked down on her for being a human, hated how garrus underestimated her because she was human. Tired with people always asking for her help but giving nothing in return, a little bit of faith was all she asked.

Rehna felt a bit bad for not speaking with garrus, after all he was just trying to be nice. if she had spoken to him now, he would have noticed her being angry. She tried to avoid speaking with people when upset and unable to control her emotions. They could speak later, when she had calmed down. Right now there was only one thing she wanted, hot shower.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 - The super Thingy!**

Romance: Rehna Nahima Shephard - Garrus Vakarian

Vanguard, Colonist, War Hero.

**All the charakters are owned by bioware and some of the segments of the conversations. I´m just trying my own version of the events!**

* * *

Rehna woke up nice and rested, feeling alot better then yesterday. They where traveling to feros to help the colonists who had been attacked by the Geth. Feros was hours away so she would have plenty of time to get to know the crew.

Garrus saw shepard walk out of her quarters, she still had that hazy look over her that you get from sleeping. She sat down at the opposit side of him, smiling.

"So Vakarian, whats up?"

"Nothing much Commander, just taking a break before i start working on the mako again"

"Great, it could use some upgrades. Are you settling in well here?"

"I actually like it more then i thought i would, I get to do something that matters, something important"

"glad to hear it, it´s good to have you here, you really are an amazing sniper" she looked at him with a teasing smile

"You are not bad yourself, i must say that i was impressed"

She chuckled "Well thank you Vakarian, i have been practising for years, and i´m not gonna stop until i´m the best"

He laughed "I´m sorry to inform you commander, you are never going to be able to pass me"

"well, aren´t you over confident, from what i recall it was pure luck you where able to catch up to me" she gave him a snide smirk

"I was just giving you a head start, after all, you are my commander, if i don´t let you win you will probably throw me out the airlock"

She let out a high pitch laugh

"You? giving me a head start? i was holding back!"

"Don´t try it commander, i was there, i saw how much you struggled to keep your lead"

They keept on throwing playful jabbs at eachother, teasing and provoking. Although it was a friendly conversation there was some truth behind it all. Both of them where very competative, doing whatever necessary to win, whomever lost in the end would be really pissed off.

Garrus went down to the garrage to continue his work on the mako, he could hear shepards voice from the distance, speaking with the other crew members. He thought about how different this was from a usual turian ship. Their high command did rarely speak to their crew and when they did it was mostly to inform them of missions, or tell them they had done something wrong. Although shepard very clearly kept reminding them of who was the boss, she was never disrespectful or mean.

He started to gain some sort of respect for her, she was skilled, determined and smart. But garrus wasn´t the kind of person who easily trusted people, he was a loner, only trusting his own judgement. She was going to have to do something really impressing for him to let his guard down.

They reached Feros early next morning, they started with getting the colony "Zhu´s hope" back on its feet, like fixing the water and food supplies, while at the same time killing every geth they stumbled upon.

"5!"

"7!"

"4, but i´m going to win this in the end!"

"wrex... you don´t even use a Rifle..."

"that doesn´t mean i can´t compete!"

"uhm... that exactly what it means, this is a sniper competition, not a _who kills the most with their bare hands_"

"actually i used my shotgun on two of them"

"See! you can´t even keep to one weapon! no, this is between me and Garrus"

"you are not friendly at all"

"When you start using a rifle i will let you join"

"but you see, that won´t happen, sniper are for pussys"

"you are so going to regret saying that wrex" Garrus chuckled over the com

* * *

After helping the colony they headed over to exogeni, where they fought their way through wave after wave of geth, to top it all of they where forced to take down a huge geth dropship. But as if that wasn´t enough, Lizbeth who was a scientist, told them about some strange plant called Thorian, it was stationed straight under Zhu´s hope. They stopped to drop of Lizbeth at a camp near exogeni where her mother was.

Garrus noticed how angry shepard was, and he fully understood. At the camp was the leader of the scientist group, Jeong. The thorian had abilities that made it possible to control organic beings, by now the colonists where simply mindless husks, ready to kill anyone who opposed a threat to the thorian. Jeong knew about this thorian and still hadn´t taken actions against it, he had just let it take control of an entire colony.

"shepard, damn it, i knew it was too much to hope the geth would kill you"

"Geth? kill me? Don´t make me laugh! Tell me what´s going on here"

"exogeni is planning to purge this whole place" the man stutterd

"This is a human colony jeong, you can´t just re-purpose us!" Lizbeth yelled

"this is something fare more valuable then a few colonists"

"The thorian i suppose" Shepard said with an angry growl

" How do you know about the thorian?"

"It doesn´t matter, i have my ways"

"You won´t get away with this jeong!" lizbeth yelled while pointing at him

"So you say, but no one is going to miss a few colonists!"

"I won´t let you do that jeong" shepard said with a deep sincere voice

"And what are you going to do about it? shoot me? you will never be able to stop me!"

Jeong took up his gun and pointed it at the people in the room, he had gone completley mad and was ready to kill all the people in the room just to get his way.

"This ends here!" and by that Rehna shoot a bullet through his head.

"As if we didn´t have enough death already!" Lizbeths mother yelled

"I just saved your fucking life! but if you think it´s better i can just shoot you to!"

Garrus was amused with how the commander handled things

"No.. no i understand please.. I was just stunned, I.. It have been so tuff lately, with the geth, with everything..."

"I´m leaving now, i still have a fucking mind controling super plant to take care of"

"But the colonists, they are being controlled, they will shoot at anything that threatens the thorian!"

"That´s just great, god i hate this place, so... what do i need to do?"

"I can create some gas grenades that will sedate the colonist but not kill them... If you can wait for a few hours"

"What... you just happen to have a supply of sedative at hand?"

"No but if i combine a few ingredients i will be able to achieve the same affects as a regular sedative, i am a scientist after all"

"Well, go ahead then, but i don´t have all day, you better hurry..."

That act again, she pretended to be ruthless and crazy, yelling and swearing at everyone. Still, he could see that she didn´t like having to kill jeong. He couldn´t help but wonder how much of it was the real commander, he was going to have to investigate further.

* * *

They returned to Zhu´s hope where they faced a new sort of enemie, they where like the husks on Eden Prime, with some enhancment, that being they puked poisonous goo all over the place.

"okey boys, you know the rules, don´t shoot the colonists. If you .. miss.. and hit them instead, i´m going to have to break one bone of yours for each of those bullets... Is that clear?

"Clear Ma´am" Both of them answered.

They continued through Zhu´s hope without a single missfire, you could say there was alot at stake. They made it down underground where the thorian was supposed to be located.

"OH.. MY.. GOD... I HATE THIS COLONY!"

"I´m starting to agree with you commander"

In front of them was the biggest plant Garrus had ever seen, if you could even call it a plant anymore. The "thingy" started to shake as it "gave birth" to a copy of an asari commando, whom it used as a means to speak to them.

"Respect me lesser beings! for i am the Thorian, i have existed longer than you can comprehend, I spoke with the other flesh and it betrayed me, i won´t listen to flesh any longer, here is where you die!"

"flesh... what a cute nickname, maybe i´ll start using that!"

They had to fight their way trough wave after wave of husks and asari commando copies, Rehna used her Biotiks to lift whole groups of husks in the air.

"commander, is it really smart to have puking husks floating all around us in the air?"

"I though you where tuff Vakarian, can´t handle a little poison? besides, if their not up there puking they will overrun us, then the least of our problem will be some completley harmless goo. wrex can take them down easily with his shotgun"

"yeah, just let me handle it, you two are way to squishy"

"Harmless goo, commander? that shit can burn through your armor in seconds!"

just as he said that, a floating husk headed its way above shepard, puking its goo all over her. But she was fast, just as she realised what was about to happen she threw up a biotic field that protected her from most of the damage.

when they finally had been able to kill the "thingy" they where faced by the real asari commando, who told them about the cipher. It was some sort of brain mechanism that would make shepard "understand" the protheans. Thats why saren was so interested in the thorian from the start, he needed the cipher to understand the prothean visions.

"I can transfer the cipher from my mind to yours"

"Great, first we take down a geth armature, then a geth dropshit, a crazy scientist, a Huge monster plant, and now.. i have to meld my mind again... this day just gets better and better. Whats next, a giant worm with razor sharp teath that will swallow the Normandy whole?"

"Actually commander, you are talking about a Thresher maw" wrex said completly earnest

"just, shut up wrex... well go on with it then, lets embrace eternity!"

Garrus couldn´t stop laughing, what a bad sence of humor she had, but that atleast made his day alot more fun.

When they headed back to the normandy garrus suddenly noticed the scent of blood, human blood, he looked at the commander and got stunned when he saw her arm.

"Commander, you are hurt?"

"huh? oh yeah, well, i wasn´t fast enough with my damn biotic field... That will teach me a lesson"

There was a deep flesh wound where the acid had burnt through her armor, it must be really painfull, but shepard didn´t show any sign of pain.

"You should let the doctor have a look at that commander, it looks quite painfull"

"Don´t bother with it, its nothing"

"the stupid turian is right commander, even i would atleast put a patch on that"

*Sigh* "fine, i´ll move my sweet ass over to the medbay, but only because you guys forced me! And by the way garrus, 22" she winked at him

"22 as well commander, will we ever settle this?"

both of them laughed

Damn she was tuff, he had always seen humans as squishy, whining at simple bruises. But shepard had gone through a day from hell and still didn´t even flinch, even making jokes, while hurt in a way that would have made anyone else scream with pain. Now he started to realise why everyone loved her, why she had risen so fast in ranks, you can say he was pretty damned impressed. Well commander, you have certainly gained my respect.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 - Lost in the rythm**

Romance: Rehna Nahima Shephard - Garrus Vakarian

Vanguard, Colonist, War Hero.

**All the charakters are owned by bioware and some of the segments of the conversations. I´m just trying my own version of the events!**

* * *

"Cmon doc! I don´t need to rest! I have to get out there killing stuff... "

"Commander, you have to learn how to relax, if you damage this arm any more you might not be able to use it at all"

"It isn´t that bad... It´s just a cut!"

"Half your arm is melted away, thats a bit more serious then a simple cut!"

"Fine, well do some side missions then.. Go to the citadel, maybe have some well deserved shore leave"

"That i think, would make the crew very happy!"

"Okey, thanks doc, se you later!"

Garrus saw shepard walk out of the med bay with a huge bandage on her arm.

"How are you feeling?"

"I´m okey, doc says i have to rest my arm. Damn, i should have been more careful, i have to practise on my speed"

"You don´t need to practise your speed, i have seen you in action, fast and precise"

She looked at him with a confused smirk

"Thank you, but if i had been just a bit faster i wouldn´t have damaged my arm, next time maybe something worse will happen. No, i have to practise, this won´t happen again"

"Everyone makes mistakes, sometimes bad stuff happens, shouldn´t beat yourself up everytime"

"Well, who else will? I didn´t get to where i am sitting on my ass, i practised, everyday and even harder after something bad happend"

"Even commanders are allowed to take it easy once in a while you know.. "

"well, thats what i´m planning to do, we will have a short shore leave, so my damn arm can heal back up again"

"That sounds fun, where are we going?"

"To the citadel, gives me time to speak some to andersson, just hope i don´t run into Udina, god i hate that guy!.. Well Vakarian, i´m heading down to the gym, see you later"

"weren´t you supposed to rest?"

"Gym is resting!"

He laughed as he saw her walk away, hm, maybe i should practise some to, might as well since i have nothing else to do, with that he hurried after her.

"Do you mind if i join you?"

"Not at all, maybe you could teach me some hand to hand, i have heard you turians are pretty good with that" She gave him a snide smirk

"Then you heard correct. I was one of the top students in my class"

"well isn´t that something, so i´ll get teached by a proffessional, lucky me!"

* * *

Both of them warmed up by themselves, Garrus watched as shepard where hitting some bags. This was the first time he had seen her without the usual military clothes, she didn´t look as uptight. She wore shorts that showed off her long legs and to that a tight tank top, her hair had started to fall loose from her usual head bun, sweat was poring down her brow. He realised he stared at her so he shook his head and continued with the work out.

"I´m ready, show me what ya got!"

They started slowly, throwing a few punches here and there. Her green eyes where focused on his, that fire that always burnt in them. He showed her how to put her arms, the most effective ways to counter someone elses attacks. He was amazed at how fast she learned, in the beginning it was pretty easy to throw her on the ground, to counter her attacks. Everytime he succeded in beating her she got angrier and more determined. He had started to struggle, she was so fast, like a panther. They moved around the room, challanging eachoter, the fight had gotten more serious, now it was a competition, and she wasn´t giving up. She threw a punch at his face, he grabbed her hand and pulled her in his arms, with her back against his chest, her scent was vanilla. He could see that she was exhausted, her chest moving up and down in pace with her heavy breathing. She must have noticed he was off beat, because she suddenly escaped his hold of her and knocked him to the ground, she sat on top off him holding his arms solid to the floor.

"I win" She was breathing heavily, her hair falling down from her face, smiling.

"This round maybe, but i won the 20 before that!"

She laughed and rolled off of him, he sat up.

"That was really fun"

"Yeah it was, you learn fast"

"when you have been fighting your whole life, you learn how to get better fast" She suddenly blushed, like she had said something she wasn´t supposed to. "Thank you for the lesson Vakarian, we have to do it again sometime" She smiled and exited the gym.

He layed back on the floor, trying to regain his calm, why had his body reacted like that, he had never lost his concetration like that before, her scent had overwhelmed him. Maybe it was because she always teased him, challanging him, always a competition, maybe it made him angrier then he thought. Yeah, that must be it. He headed to the showers, needed to clear his head.

* * *

"We are heading for the Citadel everyone, The normandy is leaving 13:00 tomorrow, with or without you, untill then you have shore leave" Garrus saw the crew cheer as shepards voice echoed trough the speakers.

Shepardar was still on the normandy when most of the crew had left for their shore leave, she started to wander the empty ship, feeling completly at ease with the silence. She didn´t get many opportunities like this, there where constantly people around begging for her attention. She barely got the time to just wander with her own thoughs and relax. She stopped by the ezo core wich glowed with a calm blue light. She had almost done something stupid, started talking about her past, just mentioning it made her shiver. She had tried to forget, try to not let it bother her anymore, it happend so long ago, but things like that leave marks. She sighed and leaned on the console, planning what she would do herself on the shore leave.

"Hi Commander, what are you doing here?"

Shepard winced when the voice startled her.

"You scared me Kaidan, i thought i was alone here"

"Sorry commander, i´ll try to be louder next time i sneak up on you"

"Are you planning to sneak up on me again?" She gave him a clever smile

"That came out wrong, i didn´t mean sneak as in sneak, i meant... i meant that.." Kaidan stuttered

"Take it easy leutenant, i was just kidding"

"Yeah i know, i just keep loosing my ability to speak when i´m around you?"

Shepard laughed and looked at him amused

"Wow, i just keep making it worse and worse arn´t i?"

She nodded.

"So, why aren´t you out there having fun yet?"

"I just like some alone time with my girl, her and i are secret lovers you know, But we can´t connect when there are to many people here, don´t tell joker though, he would probably get jealous" She winked at him

He laughed "I promise, i won´t utter a word about it"

"well, i´m headed to see Andersson now, you wanna come?"

"Sure commander, it was way to long since i saw him"

They went to speak with andersson who was happy to see them, said it was a good interruption from the endless and boring paperwork. She felt with him, knew how he much rather would have been out there with them, fighting the important battle. They stayed there for a while, keeping him company so he wouldn´t die of boredom.

"Thanks for a wonderfull conversation captain, it´s always nice talking with you"

"The same to you Commander, make us proud out there!"

They made a few stops in stores, shopping personal stuff and some for the mission. Shepard saw an amazing new sniper rifle that would fit perfectly for her and garrus, she bought one for each. They headed back to the normandy to drop off the stuff. When she passed the crew deck all of her team was there.

"What are you all doing here, ran out of stuff to do?"

They nodded

"There must be something else you can do then to sit here pouting"

"Well, we could always hit the bar" wrex said from his corner

"That´s actually a good idea! i´m definitly going to the bar, what about you commander" ashley said

"Couldn´t hurt, yeah sure, i´ll go"

"Lovely! this will be fun!"

* * *

Garrus saw her walk into the bar, kaidan waived his hand so she could see where they sat. She sat down on the opposite side of him. They all laughed and conversing, some of them got drunk pretty fast, like ashley and tali. Most of them left to go dance pretty fast, soon it was just him, shepard and wrex left at the table.

"Enjoying yourself commander?"

"I surely am! It was way to long since i was at a bar!"

"You want me to get some more drinks?"

"That would be lovely, get more of those green things!"

The three of them had a short drinking contest, conversing and having really fun. He had never seen her be like this before, so honest and relaxed. It was like he finally got to see the real shepard, not just the commander, and she was quite charming. He wondered if anyone else had spotten the sudden difference in her behaviour.

"what are you looking at Vakarian?"

"what, oh.. nothing" He felt a bit ashamed that she had noticed him staring at her

"Do i have something on my face"

He laughed

"No... i just thought it was pleasent to see you so relaxed.. you know, not just the tuff and determined commander"

She looked at him confused, her mouth half open.. She hurried to collect herself.

"With a few drinks anything can happen, I can pretend like i´m just a regular person, not worrying about the thousands of people that confide on me not failing"

"Everyone needs a break sometimes, you don´t always have to be Commander "

But before they could continue their conversation Kaidan interrupted

"Commander, would you dance with me?" He offered her his hand

"But i´m terrible at dancing!"

"I don´t care, just this once, please"

"Damnit... just ONE dance!"

"Great! You´ll se that when you are already up there you don´t want to leave"

She laughed and followed Kaidan to the dancefloor, Garrus couldn´t help but feel a bit irritated, he had finally started to see the real commander, get a bit personal with her. Then Kaidan just had to ruin it all. He looked at Shepard as she danced, waving her arms and moving her body in pace with the music, he chuckled, atleast she is enjoying herself.

Rehna felt the musik vibrate through her body, she closed her eyes and just followed the beat, fealing completley relaxed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 Please remember**

Romance: Rehna Nahima Shephard Garrus Vakarian

Vanguard, Colonist, War Hero.

**All the charakters are owned by bioware and some of the segments of the conversations. I´m just trying my own version of the events!**

* * *

Shepard woke up early next day, her head felt numb and her mouth was dry as sandpaper. She moaned with pain and rubbed her head, she sat on the bedside looking at the floor, trying to force her slow brain to start working. She hadn´t been hung over for ages, but it was so worth it, yesterday was more fun then she could have imagined. She rose from the bed with much difficulty and stumbled to the bathroom, she looked in the mirror and was faced with a tired overworked stare. She lowerd her hands to the sink and let the water clean her hands, she splashed some ice cold water in her face in an attemt to wake up. This is going to be a productive day she thought sarcasticley as she turned on the shower. The hot water poured over her head and down her back, sending a shiver through her spine. Soon the bathroom was filled with heated steam, she let her head rest against the cold metal.

When she was dressed and feeling somewhat better, she decided to go down to the crew deck, maybe get some breakfast. She saw the rest of her team, except for ashley and wrex, sit at the dining table, trying to force down some food. She went to the cabinet, grabbed some painkiller and swept them down with a glass of cold water.

"How are you feeling today commander" garrus voice spoke up from the table

"My head is killing me and all i can think about is my warm comfortable bed, except for that, freakin awezome" She forced a smile upon her lips while looking at them

"So i guess you are just as hung over as the rest of us" Kaidan sighed

"Given the amount of alchohol you consumed yesterday, no, i think yours is worse then mine" She laughed

"i think i have to agree, it´s hard just keeping my eyes open"

"As long as you are fit for duty in a couple of hours, i don´t mind if you go back to bed and rest for a while"

"Then thats where i´m headed, thank you commander"

She watched as kaidan stumbled, half limping, back to his sleaping area with one hand on his head.

"So, today i´m gonna restock the Normandy before we head out for our next mission, anyone wanna join?"

"I can tag along, was gonna check for some supplies anyway" Garrus said stretching his neck

"Good, then i´ll get some company, we head out in an hour, be ready by then"

"i´ll tag along as well if thats okey with you commander, i wanted to explore the citadel some more before we leave" Liara said with to much enthusiasm for someone with a hung over

"Good, now i have to eat before my stomach kills me!"

* * *

They where back and just about to enter the Normandy when Shepards omni tool beaped, someone was calling her. She worked some buttons and a male voice started speaking through the speakers of the omni tool.

"Is this Commander shepard i´m speaking with?"

"Who is this?"

"I´m Lieutenant Girard and i need your help"

Shepard was confused, who the hell was this guy, why did he call her out of all people, and yet a bigger question... how was he able to reach her?

"How where you able to contact me? What do you want? you kind of caught me off guard here"

"I was given your number at c-sec, where i work. I wouldn´t call you if this wasn´t an emergency. Hacket told me some about your whereabouts before you enlisted, you are from Mindoir right?"

When she heard the name of the colony she froze and a chill ran down her spine.

"Yes, i grew up there" she forced herself to answer

"There is a situation on the docking bay, a girl is trying to kill herself, we only got very little information about her, she was at mindoir when the batarians attacked, has been with them up until now. She won´t let anyone close enough to speak with her, i want to save this girl commander and i think you are the only one that can, please, atleast consider to help us"

"Do you know her name?"

"Her name is Faith" She suddenly felt very sick "Will you help us, will you help her"

_No, it cannot be her, it´s impossible..._

"Where is she lookated?" She said with a new found confident in her voice

* * *

Garrus and liara followed as shepard hurried to the girl whereabouts where they met Girard. He pointed in the direction the girl was located and tried to give some tips on how to talk to the her, but all shepard could hear was her own heartbeats, frantically banging in her chest.

"Take these pills and give them to the girl, they´ll make her fall asleep, so we can help her"

She took a deep breath and with cautious steps she went closer to the girl. Garrus and liara watched from a distance, with his superior hearing garrus was able to listen in on their conversation. She had a gun in her hand, pointing it towards her own head, she looked like a wild animal. Shepard looked at the girl, studied her_..It´s impossible... how is she alive, she died... omg it´s actually Faith...Her hair is shorter, she is skinny and soiled, but it´s her..I would remember that face anywhere.._ Shepard tried to figure out what to do, what to say, her head was spinning.

"Faith... Do you remember me?" Shepard struggled to keep her voice steady.

"STAY BACK!... DON´T come any closer!.. The girl shouted as she pointed her gun at shepard "Who are you? Why are you calling me Faith?"

"It´s me... Rehna.. Try to remember" She stopped a few feets away from the girl, trying to calm her down with her voice..

"Animals don´t get names, the masters put their symbols on her, hot metal all over her back, she screames when they do it" the girl stutterd

"You are not an animal faith, your parents gave you that name... because thats what you gave them, Faith and hope, think back.." She forced her body to stop stremble, tried to make her voice as soft as she could, making the girl feel safe.. "what´s the last thing you remember from Mindoir?"

Faith looked at her confused, shaking her head, trying to remember.. "Fire, smells of smoke and burning meat, animals screaming as the masters caged them.. As they put their metal to their backs, put the whiers in their brains..." Faith started to whisper "She pretends to be dead, if she is dead she can´t work... But they know!... she hopes they´ll leave, but they put her in the pin...She didn´t fight... she was already broken when they put their whires in"...

Rehna rememberd, the smoke, the fire, smells of burnt meat, the screams of fear... She shook her head, tried to get the images out of her head.. She had to stay strong, this wasn´t the time for a break down, she had to save Faith..

"I know Faith..." She thought that if she keept bringing her name up she would remember... The times they where together as children, running through the fields with grass and flowers, with the warm sun at their backs"There was nothing else you could have done, nothing no one could have done...You did the right thing when you hid, the fact that you stand here today is a miracle... you are strong Faith.."

"She want´s to believe that, she want´s to believe that nothing would change... she doesn´t wan´t to be there anymore.. in the pin, in the cages... lying quiet as they do things to her..."

She felt the pain in Faiths voice, wanting to hug her and comfort her. Rehna had managed to escape, but Faith had been caught by the batarians, she had gone through hell and survived.. Rehna felt sick, she was weak and stupid, survived by hiding under a bed, and her friend had been taken away, tortured, it was her fault, she could have saved her...

"You survived for all this time by not giving up, by not letting them break you down, you are here now, showing the world that whatever happens you can always survive!" as she spoke she took a step forward, getting closer to Faith.

Faith winced and jumped back "DON´T come any close, she is no good, i don´t want to be handled again!"

"I know this is hard to talk about, but i need you to try, i need you to remember... How did you escape, how did you get here?" She have to talk to me, work through her problems, it´s the only way she will ever forget and move on. Rehna thought as she looked at her precious friend.

"She can´t escape! They have chains, wires and needles... You go to far they take your brains away... Animals like her come, animals with guns... They make the masters explode... she tries to fix the masters, so they won´t be mad at her, she puts all the reds and purples back in but they don´t move... The other animals take her..."

It was so painful, she didn´t know what to do, what to say... She was stunned, horrified, this girl, her friend, had watched her abusers die, the ones that tortured her for years. And still, she tried to save them... "You just did what you had to do to stay alive, all you have known for thirteen years was to serve the masters, It´s nothing wrong with that... But they can´t hurt you anymore, the masters are gone, you are safe now.

"She doesn´t wan´t to see other animals, they are not real, they can´t be real, they can´t see her... If the animals can see her, then this is real, but it can´t be, the wires, the chains, the hitting, this doesn´t happen to her, it´s another girl, a dirty girl, stupid girl! she deserves it!...She shouted as she looked at shepard "It happens to her... doesn´t it?... they see her... so it´s real.. she doesn´t want it to be real!" Her whole body shaking, she was so scared..

"Do you remember what happend before you got captured... what happend to you mom and dad.." She had to keep her talking... had to get all the pain out of her...

"There´s.. she sees them.. Their yelling, run, hide, they hit the masters. But the masters, they have lights and hoses.. Daddy, he is melting...she... she doesn´t want to see that! Don´t make her look, stupid stupid!"

"I know it hurts and i´m Sorry, but this is the only way, you have to deal with it, if you don´t do it now you will never get better... You can´t hide from the past it will always get back to you" She thought that it was kinda sarcastic, since that was exactly what she was experiencing now, her past hade reminded itself, she had tried to forget it for so long now "Let me help you.. Tell me what happend to them?"

"When she thinks... water comes out of her eyes.. the masters beat her when she wastes water... So she doesn´t think anymore..." looking away from shepard she stopped talking for a while, then she looked in her eyes "she sees them, mommy and daddy... Burning in white light, melting, going to pieces... they can´t even say anything to her... their dead... they tried to save her and the masters burned them... can she stop remembering now... please..." Faith cried, her cheeks got wet as the tears ran down her face

shepard took a step forward, wanting to reach out and hug her..

"Please don´t touch her, she is dirty, you will catch it..."

"I was there on mindoir, i know how it hurts, i lost my family to..."

"LYING! they hit you for lying, get the buzz or the burning.. can´t be there...Why are you still alive? Why are you... Why aren´t you like her? broken.. only fit for digging or carying...

"I was broken, I lost my whole family, my childhood... but you have to keep fighting no matter how much it hurts... you have to remember that the world isn´t just filled with evil, there is good out there. People who care about you, people who care if you live or die.. I thought i had lost my best friend on Mindoir, but then i find out that she is alive..." She paused and gave faith a piercing stare "Do you remember when you where a child Faith?...You lived in a small village, in a red little house, with lots of animals, like cats and horses.. We lived next to eachother, used to play together on the fields, pretending we where horses that could run as fast as the wind. I used to come by your house and eat dinner with you and your parents.. We where so alike, loved the same things, hated the same things.. I remember this one time when we ate dinner at my place and was served broccoli, we both refused to eat it and had to sit there all day untill we would finish it, but we where so stubborn that we finally fell asleep on the plates, and our parents had to carry us to bed, we still had broccoli in our hair when we woke up." She let out a small chuckle when she thought about that moment "please remember Faith.. I´m rehna, you always called me Nahima, said it meant guardian angel, because i where always there to take care of you and protect you" _But i wasn´t there when you needed me the most _ she thought. "I´m here today because i keept fighting, because i told myself to stand tall when other people pushed me down" Rehna started crying

She could see that faith was surrendering, trying to remember, Rehna grabbed her shoulder and looked her in the eyes "You gave me that name Faith, i still remember it and it´s what makes it easier for me to fight, i want to be that guardian angel, i want to save people. you made me into the person i am today, you helped me become strong. I still am your Nahima, but you have to believe me, let go of the bad memories, let me help you"

Faith shook her head, pressing her hands against her face, forcing herself to remember.. suddenly she looked straight at shepard, tears flodded her eyes "Nahima..." She burst out in tears and plunged herself into Rehnas arms, They hugged eachother in a painful embrace, as they both fell to their knees "I... remember..The sun... the fields.."

"ssh.. it´s going to be alright... i´m here for you..."

"I want to be strong as you are... i also want to stand tall.. I don´t want to dig anymore..."

"You won´t need to anymore, you will get through this, you are so strong and i´m so proud of you.. As your name claims, you just need to believe in yourself. You have fought so hard, you need to relax and take it easy, i got these pills" She held them out to her "They will make you fall asleep, relaxed.. You see those people over there, they are gonna help you. They will take you some place nice, where you will get help, you can contact me whenever you want and i will visit you. This is just a start, but it´s better then nothing"

She took the pills and swallowed them. Rehna sat down on the ground, letting Faith rest her head in Her lap.. She Ran her hand through Faiths short brown hair, the batarians must have cut it off, she thought.. She used to have such long beautiful hair, it always made her jealous.. Faiths sobbing slowly ebbed out as she listened to Rehna telling stories about their childhood. Rehna could hear how her breaths became calmer as faith slowly fell asleep. She stayed for a while longer, just watching her friend sleep, she looked so fragile, like she was gonna break by the slightest touch. She had thought that Faith died there on Mindoir, that she had lost everyone ever close to her. But yet here she was, her best friend in the whole world, alive. Her emotions where so mixed up, she was both overwhelmed with happines to have been able to save Faith. But the memories felt like knifes cutting through her heart. Soon The c-sec officers came forward and asked if they could take Faith with them. She looked at them, then back at Faith. Now that she was so close she really didn´t want to let her go. She held one of Faiths hands in hers, squeezing it hard. She wanted to protect her, not ever leaving her side again, but She knew she had to let go, even though she had managed to save her, Faith needed to talk to a therapist, needed to get better.. She nodded as she watched them pick Faith up and carying her away..

she stood up as Girard walked over to her

"Give her this adress and tell her to contact me whenever she want...If anything bad happens to her.. i will hunt you down..." She said while giving Gerard a piercing look

"I promise, we will take good care of her... You saved her life" he looked at her in awe, like what she had done was so amazing.

she just felt like she hadn´t done enough,

_she wouldn´t even be in that state if i had been strong enough _...

She watched as they left... standing at the same spot where Faith and her just had been hugging. feeling stuck to the ground.. Her old wounds reopened... Liara put a hand on her shoulder comforting, but she shook it of..

"lets get back to the normandy" she turned around without looking at them

Garrus felt completley empty, he had listened to the entire conversation, it was devastating. He had heard the pain and desperation in shepards voice, seen her crack as she remembered her past. He watched her as they walked back to the Normandy, her head held high, confident and determined strides. You wouldn´t have guessed by looking at her that she had gone through what she just had. She is strong that woman, maybe humans have a worse reputation then they deserve, atleast thats true for her, you are really amazing shepard...


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8 Emptiness**

Romance: Rehna Nahima Shephard Garrus Vakarian

Vanguard, Colonist, War Hero.

**All the charakters are owned by bioware and some of the segments of the conversations. I´m just trying my own version of the events!**

* * *

Rehna sat on her bed, staring out in the open as if she could not find a good spot to look at, Her hands rested tiredly on the sides of her body. She felt so empty, like her body was just a shell, her mind was far away in some safe place, trying to hide from the pain that soon would hit her with terrible force. She had gone through this many times before, and she did not want to do it again. Her parents had died, her friends, all of them just dissapearing infront of her eyes. She sighed as she let her head fall into her hands, tears started to build up as she tried to force them back, she was a commander now, not a stupid teenager, this was not appropriate. She shook her head in anger, clinched her hands so hard the nails started to dig through her sensitive skin. She let out a wroar of anger as she let herself fall back in the bed, she curled up with the pillow in her arms as the tears fell. She let out all the despair, all the feelings that had been building up for years, that she had not let out because she did not want to feel weak. She sobbed and wiped her tears that just keept coming back, she went to the bathroom and stood by the sink, splashed some water in her face, trying to feel better, realising it did not help. She fell to the ground, resting her back against the cold metal of the bathroom walls. The bright hospital-like lamps dazzled her eyes, as she started to crawl back to her bed, the comfortable and dark corner in her quarters waited for her.

* * *

Later on the crew deck liara looked at Garrus with a questioning stare. She had been there the whole time but she had not heard the conversation.

"So what where they talking about, i know all about your superior hearing" her voice was curious.

"Yeah, what happened, you all seemed so down when you returned, and the commander returned to her cabin immediately, we deserve to know" Kaidan said as the rest of the crew looked at Garrus and Liara intrigued.

_Deserves to know_ garrus thought, this is not about deserving something. This must have been really hard for Rehna to go through. What kind of people is this, demanding to hear something so personal of shepard without even asking her. Garrus could feel the anger creeping upon him, but he did not want to start a fight, he had to be resonable.

"I don´t think it´s up to me to talk about it, if you want to know you should talk to shepard" Garrus said as he put another bite of food to his mouth.

"Was it really that serious? She didn´t look like anything bad had happened, just like the regular commander"

"If it´s not important Kaidan, then why do you so desperately want to know?" Garrus answered mockingly

"Because i´m curious! I want to know everything about her!"

When he said that the whole crew looked at him with a funny stare and laughed, except for Liara who just looked mad and stared down at the table with her fists clenched tightly.

"So, want to know all about shepard you say, is it the commander part you want to know about or is it just the intimate stuff that interest you?" Ashley said mockingly

"wha..What, no it´s not like that.. it´s just... she is special you know, a very interesting person" Kaidan stuttered while blushing.

"Yeah, she really is special, although i have thought about something, when will she really start relaxing and just... you know, be shepard, not _commander shepard"_ Liara said while letting out a loud sigh

"I have thought about that to you know.. it´s like she doesn´t let anyone close, like there is a big wall of air in the way.."

They all looked at one another, each one of them had been confronted with the same wall and all of them had tried to break it little by little. No one of them had known her for long but she was impossible to resist. She was hard as a rock but at the same time kind and gentle . She was strong and confident, everyone that was around her felt it and got the same strenght by just having her by their side.

"Kaidan, why you trying to be poetic now, with your big _Walls of air_, don´t you think the commander needs something rougher, with all the danger she is facing she needs a big strong man to return home to, not some poetic fluffy bunny!" With the tense air that had occured ashley tried to ease it, but she could se that Kaidan got a bit offended by her joke.

"I don´t agree, that´s the exact reason she needs someone _soft as a bunny_, as you call it, a time to escape from all the danger"

"You realise that you just admitted to having feelings for our precious commander right?"

All of them laughed as kaidan got tomato red in the face.

"I suppose it´s to late to try and hide it anymore, yes, i do have feelings for her, but i don´t know how strong they are yet, please don´t make a big deal about it, and for gods sake don´t mention this to Shepard, i don´t want her to treat me any differently just because of it"

"Don´t be so sure about that, you know you are not the only one with strong feelings for her, maybe i´ll want to sabotage so i can get an advantage" wrex looked totally serious as he spoke those words while everyone in the room dropped their jaws, shocked at the fact that the krogan could have feelings for their commander.

"Cmon guys! i´m joking, squishy humans are nothing for me, naah, i´m all about big and battle worn krogan ladies!"

"Did you really just call shepard squishy, you don´t know what you are talking about!"

"Her body is squishy, not at all like a krogan lady!"

"Please don´t compare her to some random krogan, shepard is strong and beautiful" Liara said angrily as she pointed at wrex

"Oh please, not you to.. is everyone on this fucking ship secretly in love with shepard?"

"Are you jealous Ashley, don´t worry, maybe there is a krogan out there just dying to meet you!" Kaidan said just as mockingly as she had done to him before

"Stop complain about the krogan appearance, just because all of you are skinny as bones doesn´t mean krogans are ugly!"

"cmon wrex, you know you are ugly!" Garrus said as he chuckled

"Really, is that coming from the birdlike ugly reptile" wrex spat back

"I bet you that most of the ladies on this ship has a thing for me, go ahead, ask them!"

They went on with their teasing and jokes, having a really great time, trying to make the time pass faster so they could head out on the mission. After some time though when they could not come up with any more jokes they scattered to continue with each of their duties. Shepard had not left her quarters since she got back to the ship, and no one dared to interrupt her, not knowing what was happening behind the rough metal walls. They just thought that whatever had happened she was strong enough to deal with it, atleast that was what she had made them believe.

* * *

Rehna felt so awfully tired, lying there in her soft bed, waiting for something that could stop the immense pain she was dealing with. She squeezed the pillow in her arms, trying hard to control her frantically breathing, felt like she did not get enough air and it was making her terrified. She crawled out of the bed and stood up, trying to get herself to calm down, shivering with exhaustion as she started walking towards the bathroom. She turned on the shower and undressed before letting the warm water rain down over her body, she leaned against the wall as she started to slid down along it, hugging her own knees and closing her eyes. The hot water calmed her down and her breathing started to returned to normal. She stayed in the shower untill she felt somewhat calm before drying herself with a towel and get dressed. She did not leave the cabin until they where at Noveria, to make sure no one noticed how upset she actually was. On Noveria they would track down Matriarch Benezia who was Liaras mother, and therefor she decided to bring Garrus and her on the mission.

The Normandy docked and the crew stepped out on the ice cold ground, she saw how garrus shivered as he mentioned how he really hated the cold, she forced a laugh, trying to act normal. The hazard weather was actually soothing, making her body feel, lungs screaming as the cold air hit her, it made the emptiness easier to bare. They headed towards the entrance where a couple of guards stopped them in their path.

"That´s far enough!"

"Is there a problem officer?"

"You better hope there isn´t, this is an unschedualed arrival, i´ll need your credentials"

"Im a spectre, Commander Shepard" She let out a deep sigh, crossing her arms.

"Load of horsecrap ma´am" The guard said to the officer

"We will need to confirm that, also, i must advise you that firearms are not permitted on Noveria, sergant sterling, secure their weapons"

At that Rehna raised her gun aswell as Garrus and Liara, the officers answered with aiming back, she gave the officers a confident gaze.

"I think i´ll keep them"

"That isn´t possible, i need you to lower your weapons, don´t do anything stupid now"

A female voice echoed through the speakers, interupting them "Matzuo STAND down! We confirmed their identity, spectres are authorised to carry weapons here, captain"

"You may proceed spectre, i hope the rest of your visit will be less confrontational"

Rehna lowered her weapon and started walking towards the entrance "Don´t count on it"

* * *

They where in the main facility on Noveria but where told that the matriarch where at peak 15. There where no transports heading that way because of a big snow storm occuring at the moment, so they had to get there by themselves with a mako,but were not allowed to enter the garage without a pass card. Garrus watched as Rehna barely reacted to her surroundings, walking around lika ghost, conversating with different people trying to find a way into the garage. When it felt like they had run around the whole facility ten times to carry out errands, they finally got their pass card and strarted heading towards Peak 15. Garrus realised just how reckless Rehna was when she drove the mako, running over all geth that stood in their way, crushing them beneath the heavy vehicle, not even waiting for him to shoot them down, trying to take short cuts whenever possible. Liara pleaded in the backseat trying to get her to be more careful, but Rehna just told her to be quiet and continued with the same careless pace. Soon they faced the Entrance of the research facility and Rehna jumped out of the Mako.

"Let´s get this over with, i don´t want to stay here all day" She said while opening the door.

They fought their way through waves of geth moving through the facility, Garrus realised something was seriously wrong with Rehna when she did not start their usual sniper competition. On every single mission she teased him, joking around and counting kills, that was what usually made the mission more than just a simple task, it was the competition that made it fun. This time she was killing geth in a rampageous speed, he just could not keep up with her, he tried to move faster pushing his rifle over its limits. But by every geth he killed she had already killed three, he got more and more frustrated, trying harder each shot to kill the enemies faster, that was until he saw her.

He could not hide the shock as his jaw dropped, tears flooded her cheeks, the fierce look in her eyes everytime she reloaded the rifle. She was surely not a ghost anymore rather a rampaging killing machine, moving through enemies faster then thought possible. Her rifle screamed in protest but she just keept swapping between biotics and sniping, blue light spheres flew over the area making geth fly all over the room. He realised just how crazy it was when she challanged a big geth juggernaut all by herself, before they could do anything to stop it she charge the geth, fiercely shooting it with her rifle and jumping around dodging every attack. Before it hissed and died it managed to hit Rehna with a distortion rocked that threw her to the ground, she gasped for air holding her stomach. they killed the last geths standing as they ran towards her, he kneeled at her side but she just pushed him out of the way and stood up. He could smell the distinkt odour of burnt flesh and blood, her armor had broke near the stomach and her skin was partly showing.

She looked at him, her eyes where red from crying but still burning with that inner flame, her chest was moving in pace with her heavy breathing, shivering because of all the adrenaline.

"Shepard, you have to stop before you kill yourself! look at your armor, you are bleading!" He shouted at her, grabbing her arms trying to bang some sence into her.

She pushed his arms of off her, could not bare the touch, she was to shaken, to much emotions running, she had to keep going, had to keep moving or she was going to break from the force in her body. She took a deep breath, trying to get her voice back.

"Don´t worry about it, it´s not that bad, i put up a barrier in the last second so it didn´t do that much damage. Cmon we have to keep moving, can´t go back now, we have gotten to far"

With that she turned around and started moving forward, he looked at Liara and shook his head. There was nothing they could do, she was to stubborn and would never stop, not this far ahead in the mission. He could try to throw her up on his shoulder, carry her all the way back to the Normandy, but she would just punch him and wriggle herself free. The only thing they could do now was to follow her, try to keep her from dying. He felt how the need to protect her grew in his body, he was not going to let her die, not today, not ever. He had never seen such a tremendous warrior before, she was unbeatable, absolutely perfect. She moved something in him that he had never felt before, a warm feeling spread through his whole body, making him calm in the middle of the battle, he didn´t understand it, but he knew he loved it.

Soon they reached the heart of the facility where they found survivors, trying their best not to get killed by some strange alien creatures called Rahni. They where just about to climb down some stairs when Rehna fell to the ground, standing on her knees, she breathed heavily, the adrenaline started to wear off.

"This is not healthy! don´t you understand that!" He sat down infront of her, putting his hand on her chin and lifted it so she was forced to look into his eyes.

"I know that, but what am i supposed to do! We have to save these people and we have to find Benezia, if we don´t this whole mission was a total fiasko. We are more then halfway through, you can´t expect me to turn back now" She could not tell him about the strange emotion, like she was gonna explode if she did not keep moving right away. It felt like she was going to die right there and now, if she could not empty her body from the immense force that was pushing to get out. She sighed and took a deep breath before she slowly stod up, her knees shaking.

Liara put her hands on her shoulder and she turned around to look at her, tears where flowing down her cheeks, she sobbed and tried to look away. "Shepard, don´t die, promise me that you won´t die"

She suddenly realised how worried they must be for her, they must think that she was crazy, her cheeks turned red as she blushed. She had not been able to control her emotions and it made her angry, that was what she had been practising on her whole life, never letting anyone know how she really felt. She put her hand on Liaras shoulder and squeezed it softly.

"I won´t die Liara, i promise you, it´s just adrenaline, but we have to keep going, there are Rahni everywhere and theese people will die if we don´t save them, we can´t let that happen, right?" She forced herself to keep her voice calm and comforting. "Let´s keep moving, this will all be over soon, don´t worry"

Her body slowly regained some of it´s strength while they headed to the maintenance area to confront Benezia. Soon they discovered that the matriarch had been indoctrinated by saren and his strange Reaper-ship, there was no other way then to kill her. What probably keept rehna from totally loosing it was the fact that she had to take care of Liara now, she was devastated from having to kill her own mother. Benezias last words being that she was proud of her doughter and that she had to take care of herself. Rehna hugged liara and tried to comfort her the best she could, her body screaming from standing still to long.

They let the Rahni queen live as she promised to disappear forever to some distant planet somewhere. She told them that it was to late to save her children, they had grown up without their mother, and where nothing but shells from what they should have been.

The last thing Rehna and her crew did before getting back to the Normandy was to set up a huge bomb at the hot labs, killing the rahni that was left, and by that saving the people of peak 15.

* * *

Rehna was back in her quarter with a huge bandage over her stomach, dr chakwas had scolded her for not returning immediately when she had gotten hurt, but she had have a hard time listening to what the doctor said, she was battling with her own ghosts, trying to get a grip. when they had headed back to the Normandy the adrenaline had settled, making her feel restless and strange. She sat down on the bed, she sighed heavily as she rested her head in her hands. The dark and painful emptiness returned, making her mind flee again, leaving an empty shell in it´s place. She curled up in the bed and dragged the blanket over her body, only leaving the tip of her head visable. Her body shivered from exhaustion and absense of food, she had not eaten anything in a whole day, and with the pressure she had just put her body through there was no way to stay awake. She closed her tired eyes getting further and further away from reality, falling into a deep dark sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 - hardship to friendship**

Romance: Rehna Nahima Shephard - Garrus Vakarian

Vanguard, Colonist, War Hero.

**All the charakters are owned by bioware and some of the segments of the conversations. I´m just trying my own version of the events!**

* * *

_Rehna stood in a small long corridor, no lights where to be found, just utterly and complete darkness, spinning around frantically searching for a way out. when she heard a low growl behind her, started running as fast as her legs could carry her, feeling the beast panting in her neck. The sound of her footsteps echoed through the darkness like lightning smashing against cold hard metal . She keept running without knowing where to go, could feel the beasts getting closer, there where more of them now, they where all around her, she could smell their breath as they got closer and closer, started screaming and crying, it was to late now, they would catch up to her, felt claws rip her clothes apart as they tried to grab her, she fought the monsters, trying to punch them of off her but was overwhelmed, soon they where all over her, drooling as their long sharp teeth digged into her flesh.. _

Rehna flew up into sitting position in the bed breathing heavily as sweat poured down her brow and back, her heart pounded frantically in her chest, took a deep breath realising it had just been a dream. she looked out through the cabin window, where she could se the deep dark space with billions of glowing stars, alot of people still feared the unknown, the far reaches of space no one had been to, the reapers hiding place. but not her, it was comforting in some weird way, thinking of all the secrets the darkness hid within itself. The clock showed 4:00 in the morning, she would have to contact the council soon, and knew it would not be pleasent. Her body felt heavy, like someone had punched it with a big hammer over and over, a reminder of the rocket that had broken her armor. How could i be so stupid, how could i let them see me in that kind of state, all crazy, she blushed and tried to hide under the pillow, did not want to face her crew ever again, knowing they had seen her being that weak. They great Commander Shepard crying like a baby, unable to control her emotions, almost resulting in death. Her omni tool beaped and interrupted her lonely thoughts, there was a message from c-sec, she knew what would be in there and feared to read it, but she had to, had promised.

_They told me i could contact you with this, said they would make sure you got it, but it´s hard to type, it´s hard to speak. The masters wouldn´t let us speak, said our words where poison to their ears. it´s strange to see so many humans everywhere, they told me i had to call them that, didn´t want to be called animals, they are kind, not like the masters. I feel better, they give me pills everyday, say they will make me happier, i think it works. I get pills to help me sleep as well, so i don´t dream anymore, it´s better that way. But you can´t visit me yet, told me it wasn´t time, i want to see you, you helped me. I know you did, it´s hard to remember, it is painful, don´t want it to hurt anymore, but i will keep trying, because you said i had to, because it would save me. The humans said it would help to write, that it would help me remember, learn to speak again. So i will write to you, hope we will soon meet again, maybe you can tell me stories. _

_Thank you for making me remember._

_Faith._

She digged her head into the pillow as the tears started to fall again, punched the mattress with her fist over and over again to try and get rid of the pain.

I miss you to faith, i will be there as soon as i am allowed, I promise to be by your side, help you remember, going to make it right again...

She felt so lonely, even on this ship with it´s big crew, there was really just one person she trusted fully, garrus... He had gained her respect without her even noticing it, he was the only one that didn´t question her, he trusted she would make the right decisions, the only one that treated her like something else then just commander.

It was all so ironic, she had decided long ago never to let anyone see her as anything else then the commander. Slowly realising that maybe that was wrong, maybe she could be friends with her crew without loosing their respekt. Garrus had made that possible, he still respected her, listened to what she said and was a true friend.

He had treated her as an equal, and she had done the same for him, maybe that was what she really needed. Someone she could be herself around, someone to fully trust, there hadn´t been that kind of person around since Faith. When she thought Faith had died she decided never to let anyone that close again, never wanting to have to go through that pain ever again.

maybe she was just fooling herself, maybe garrus didn´t respect her at all, playing with her emotions to get himself further. They had never talket about this before, never really confirmed how they felt for eachother, it was just a feeling she had, that he actually was her true friend...

* * *

Two hours later she felt composed enough to leave the Cabin, although feeling hunger, just thinking of food made her sick, she would have to settle with some coffee. Someone had made coffee since there where some left in the brewer, she took out her cup from the cabinet and poured up some. There where not many people awake at this hour, the crew deck was empty except for her and dr Chakwas who tiredly sat by the kitchen table. Rehna leaned against the bench and sipped the hot coffee, holding the cup with her both hands to keep them warm.

"How are you today commander, does your stomach hurt?"

"It´s better then yesterday, but i think i´ll be left with an ugly scar for the rest of my life"

"It was a pretty nasty wound, how did it happen?"

"I didn´t think the situation through, i decided to challange a juggernaut on my own, it didn´t like it so it shot a rocket at me"

"Shepard... you should really learn to think before you act"

"If i spend to much time thinking, someday maybe the moment will slip through my hands. Thats not me, i would rather handle the consequenses then see a teammate die because i spent to much time thinking without acting."

"You put your own life before others, that´s admirable, still you could use a bit more prudence"

"It´s nothing to admire, these people are here only because i asked them to, i put them through danger, it´s only right that i try to protect them from it"

"They are here because they need to be, they know the danger, it´s not your fault if something happens to them"

"Why wouldn´t it be my fault? As long as i keep focused enough i can predict the danger and keep it from ever happening. This is my duty as a Commander and you won´t change my mind about it, these people have put their life in my hands and i will protect them as long as i´m still breathing"

The doctor looked at her with compassion, knowing that shepard usually took one more than she should. For as long as she had known shepard, which was longer than most of the crew, she had fought to become better, never giving up untill reaching her goal. Always putting herself before others, everyone fell in love with her kind spirit, admiring her strength and courage. Chawkwas knew very little about Rehnas past, as most of the people around her, shepard always listened to everyone elses problem, making sure they felt comfortable, but rarely spoke about herself. She wondered what it would take to break through that stone wall that surrounded her. Tali interrupted them when entering the room, heading towards the bench to make some coffee for herself.

"So where are we going today commander, anything exciting happening?"

"We are going to find wrexs family armor, he said it meant much to him"

"So who is going with you?"

"I actually decided to bring you, wrex is naturally going with since it´s his mission"

"Sounds like alot of fun, then i´ll get to test the new omni tool you gave me!"

"Yeah, i´m trying out my new scope as well. We will be there in an hour, be ready untill then. Now I have an unpleasent meeting with the counsil to take care off"

"Of course i will commander, i´m just gonna finish this coffee"

"good, we´ll meet at the Mako"

She put her cup in the sink before she headed to the debriefing room.

* * *

Rehna knew what was in for her, the council would always question her actions even if they knew she did the right thing. Wondered if they did it just to piss her off, or if it actually had some sence behind it. She placed herself infront of the console and put her arms behind her back, holding her hands together in a firm grip.

"joker, put me through to the counsil"

"Sure commander, they have been waiting for you to contact them"

"I thought as much, hope they are in a good mood today, because i surely aren´t"

"Why not commander, i thought a hole through the stomach would make anyone happy, especially you"

"Laugh it up while you can joker, you never know when you are the one to get injured, either by enemies or a pissed off commander"

"Oh no! you make my brittle bones shake with fear!"

"Just put me through to the meeting or i´ll have to run up there and teach you some manners!"

"Hey, take it easy, just trying to make you feel better!"

The screen flickered before the three councilours serious faces appeard infront of her.

The Asari was the first one to open her mouth as you could her chock in her voice.

"Is this report accurate commander? you found Rachni on Noveria?"

"Found a queen and let her loose again, do you feel comfortable knowing that you may have endagered the entire galaxy by letting loose one of the greatest threats we know off?" That annoying Turian councilour again, he was always the first to question her motives, it seemed as he liked to make her angry.

"I won´t commit genocide and send a whole race to it´s doom, this was the only option. She spoke to me and told me things, about the Rachni wars, seemed trustworthy."

"Seemed trustworthy? You have endagered the lifes of our children, our grandchildren will face the results of your actions!"

"At least i don´t have to deal with it anymore, this was what i choose and you can´t do anything about it" She did as usuall, tried to piss him off as much as he did her.

"So thats it! you just rush your way throught things leaving others with the problems you create? maybe it was wrong of us to let a human become a spectre!"

"That´s enough both of you!" The Asari counsilour said, interrupting their arguing "Commander, was this the right thing to do, was there any other way?"

"No, there was no other way, i already told you that i won´t commit genocide based on what _might happen_, the queen told me she would leave to a distant planet never to return, i believe her. She told me about the reapers, about voices that controlled her people to rebel against the other races, it wasn´t her fault and shouldn´t have to take responsibility for what happend hundreds of years ago. I gave her a chance to redeem her race and i wouldn´t change my desicion if i could!"

"I trust your decision shepard"

"Just remember that it´s your fault when our grandchildren will feel the consequenses of this in the future, commander" The Turian pointed at her angrily

"If there will still be grandchildren after the reapers arrive"She said as angrily looking straight back at him with her confident gaze.

The meeting was over and Rehna rushed out of the debriefing room and down to the cargo hold to prepare for wrex mission. Her head was boiling with anger as she put on her armor, now would be a perfect time for killing geth. She exhaled heavily before entering the mako, she took her place in the drivers seat and drove to the ramp, where they would make the jump to land on Tuntau.

* * *

The mission was succesfull, they found wrex family armor and killed many geth on their way. Wrex and Shepard grew closer as friends now that he knew she would stand up for him, there where not alot of people who would do that for a krogan. He respected her and decided that he would protect her no matter what.

Garrus sat by the kitchen table with dr chakwas, they had just shared a pleasent conversation as shepard passed them and headed towards her cabin.

"you know, she hasn´t eaten since yesterday, i´m starting to worry about her, something really bad must have happened on the citadel"

Garrus watched where shepard had left, deciding now was the time, she needed someone to talk to and he was the only one who knew what had happened, except for shepard herself of course.

* * *

He took a deep breath before knocking on her door, he was nervous, maybe she would not even let him in. This was not normal for him, on turian ships things like this did not happen, the crew rarely spoke to their commanders, and never about something so personal. But he had learned some from being part of this crew, they helped eachother, all of them where close friends. And the need to protect and help her overpowered his basic instinkts. He could hear how she moved around in there, before she went and opened the door for him.

"Vakarian... is there something you need?" She was pale, the fact that she had not eaten or slept properly started to show.

"I wanted to speak with you about some things and prefered we did so privately, if you have the time"

"Yeah, of course i do, come in" She moved away from the door and let him in, she pointed at a chair "please sit down, what was it you wanted to talk about?"

He took seat at the chair while shepard sat down on the bed opposite from him. His heart pounded hard and his throat dried up feeling like sandpaper, he swallowed and cleared his voice before speaking with a scratchy voice.

"I just.. wondered how you felt, if you are okey you know."

He looked down at the floor nervously before clearing his voice yet again. Damn, why was he so nervous, this was torture, he had to stop before he embarrassed himself. by taking another deep breath he forced himself to calm down. When he looked up again shepard watched him with a surprised expression.

"Why would you think there where ever something wrong?"

"I don´t know how much you know about us turians, for instance we have superior hearing." He did not have to explain further for her to understand where he was going.

"So you heard.." Now it was shepard who looked away embarrassed

"Yes, i heard it all... that must have been painful"

"It was..."

Both of them ended up silent, not knowing how to continue on with the conversation. But Garrus was not gonna let her stop now, he had seen the effects, knew how much it really had hurt her.

"I don´t know if you trust me yet, or if i´m the right person for you to speak with. But i thought it would be easier speaking with me since i already know most of what happened. I´m not gonna pretend i´m any good at this, rather i´m pretty terrible, always saying the wrong things, ending up embarrassing myself." He stopped there for a while, trying to think of how to continue on, how to get her to trust him enough to talk to him. "But that doesn´t really matter right now, what matters is that you need someone to talk to, and i can listen."

"I´m thankfull that you care, and i do trust you, you have impressed me to, most turians i have meet have judged me before even speaking a simple word with me" He froze and felt how his face got hot when he remembered how he had judged her the first time he had meet her "You are the only one that hasn´t questioned my motives, always followed my orders, you say you are a bad turian, if thats what it means i surely prefer the bad ones."

He let out a small chuckle before answering "You always treat me like a friend, not like a unit to be used. I think you make me a better turian... I have to admit though, i judged you before i knew who you where, we turians are raised to believe humans are hot-heads, disrespectful and rude. I was happy that you proved me and every other turian so wrong.

And again that awkward silence, he wondered if he had been wrong, to admit how he had seen her the first time they had meet. But she had just told him she trusted and respected him, he thought she earned his honesty. he saw her clench her hands so hard they started shaking, before releasing them and sighing heavily.

"I grew up at this colony called Mindoir, we lived at the country on a farm... We worked with farming and breeding, had alot of animals, a really happy life for a kid. Faith and i where neighbors, playing together everyday, she was my best friend. But it wasn´t always an easy life, our parents couldn´t afford permanent workers so we had to help out alot with the farm. working hard each day to keep it functioning, but it was worth it. We had a horse that we shared, she was a real beauty, white as snow, we named her Mirage. At this time i was only ten years old and Faith one year younger, we used to ride together up in the mountains and have picknicks. Mirage was a real sweetheart as big and powerfull as she was kind, dad used her when plowing the fields, he teached her patience and hard work. Mindoir is very different from earth where there isn´t many farmers left. At the newly grown colonies we had to take care of ourselves, learn how to farm again, or else we would not survive, we where not as evolved as the rest of the world, relying to get our food and products from ourselves. It tought me to be strong, to take care of myself and those around me, tought me how the world works."

She exhaled heavily and collected herself before she continued.

"But nothing could have prepared me for what was coming, you see, all human colonies where outside citadel space, unprotected an vulnerable. When i was sixteen Batarians raided our colony, they said humans had progressed to fast, taking over planets that they thought where rightfully theirs. We had no time to prepare, no time to hide or protect ourselves, they killed all the animals, burned up the crops, and hunted us down like we meant nothing. As soon as my mother and father realised what was happening they hid me under the bed, told me that whatever happend i had to stay there, not make a sound. They didn´t even have time to hide themselves before the batarians came in to the bedroom, they...they.."

She started crying unable to hinder herself, she looked out the cabin window, the faint light from the lamps lit her face, making the tears glow as small diamonds..

"They had flamethrowers, killed my parents right in front of me, i.. i saw them melt.. as Faith called it.. I forced myself not to scream, not to make a sound, to keep my promise to mom... I was to afraid to move, i didn´t even cry because of the trauma... i remember everything into the last detail, the smell of burnt flesh, how their bodys looked like, the blood that ran under the bed till it was all over me... The batarians left as my parents lay panting on the floor, i crawled out to them, tried to save them... I held my mothers head in my knee, trying to comfort her as she drew her last breath..."

She got silent and keept looking out the window. Garrus did not know what to say, what could he say, nothing could heal the deep wounds and pain shepard had in her. The only thing he could do was to be there for her, keep listening and try to make her feel somewhat better. He felt the need to protect her, to be close to her. he moved over to sit on the bed at her side and put a hand around her back on her shoulder, she leaned in to him, sobbing against his chest. They had never been this close to eachother before, and non of them really knew how they got there, but it was a comfort for both of them.

"I didn´t leave the bedroom until the night had fallen and it was totally dark, not untill i was sure they had left. When i got out in the garden i saw the devastation, everything was ruined, burnt to ashes. There where no animals, only their corpses, some of them had succeded to flee, but not Mirage.. I thought that everyone i ever loved died that day, that i was the only survivor. I didn´t know that they had kidnapped some of us as slaves, i thought that everyone had ended up the same way as my parents. So i left with some provisions, enough food to last a few days, and started to walk to the nearest town. On my way there i was picked up by the alliance military, they saved me and protected me. It was on that day i had to realise that i could only rely on myself, that even if i thought i was safe anything could happen to ruin it. But if i was strong enough, good enough, nothing bad would ever happen, then i could protect those who where close to me, i could save them. I thought that if i had only been strong enough, if i had known how to fight, how to protect myself i could have saved my parents... That´s why i fight each day to get better, to improve my skills, to become the best. I will never let that happen again, never ever let anyone i love die when i have the chance to be there and protect them."

Garrus felt his heart pinch as he realised that she had blamed herself that her parents had died, that her friend got kidnapped. He grabbed her shoulders and forced her to look him in the eyes.

"It wasn´t your fault, there was nothing anyone could have done"

"But if i had been prepared!"

"Don´t say another word about it! It was the batarians who murdered your parents, not you, it was the batarians who kindapped Faith, not you! Don´t ever! and i say EVER! blame yourself again."

He put his thumb on her cheek and wiped away a tear, she sobbed and leaned back at his chest, feeling so comfortable in his arms. It was so long since she had felt someone so close, so long since anyone had been there for her. He was really special, he had known how much she needed someone, known how hurt she was without her even saying anything. She felt her body get warm as she realised how much he meant to her. They had known eachother for such a short time and yet it felt so right. Like there was nothing in the world that could ruin this moment.

"I have tried for so long to forget, to repress those memories, i thought it was the only way to move on. But they always keep banging at my door, reminding me that i´m never safe. When i meet Faith it was to much, it was like a wave of pain flooding me, drowning me. Even the fact that my best friend was still alive couldn´t keep me from breaking."

She sat up and looked at him, her face and eyes red from all the crying, her hair hanging loose against her shoulders. he suddenly remember that he had never seen it like that before, only put up in that tight bun. He wanted to touch it, feel it against his palm, fought the urge to reach out his hand and touch it.

"i´m sorry you had to go through that, hear what you heard, see me all crazy... I shouldn´t have put you through that"

"Don´t even bother, i´m glad that i was, i would go through it a thousand times more if it meant that i could help you"

Even though her face was already red it had now turned into the colour of a tomato.

"Thank you.. i thought i could handle myself, that i could trust no one else. But i was wrong.. i´m glad to have you as my friend, thank you for listening, and being here..."

She leaned against his chest, he rested his chin softley on her head.. There was nothing more to say, they had both realised how much they meant to eachother. He had helped her the best he could, maybe she could move on, now that she had someone to share the burden with. Someone who even if he could not understand it, would be there and listen. he stayed by her side untill she fell asleep in his arms, he lifted her and put her more comfortable in the bed before putting the blanket over her. He watched her as she slept, she looked so peaceful in the soft bed, almost like a vulnerable child. He decided he would bring her some breakfast next morning if she was still in her cabin when he woke. He looked at her a last time before exiting the cabin and went to the cargo hold. It was late night and most of the crew where already asleep, it made him at ease to know he would not have to explain anything to them. This would be his and shepards secret, no one else needed to know.

* * *

Garrus lay down in his bed relaxing, thinking about shepard, how he first had come to respect her skill as a warrior and that she had treated him like he was as importent as the rest of the crew, not like the broken turian he was. How that respect had turned into something more, a companionship, someone to trust and have fun with. But tonight, she became his best friend, a friendship he would do anything to protect. He had never respected anyone more, had never seen someone so strong, kind and powerfull. And she had earned it all, nothing was there by accident, she had fought her way through life to get where she was today, like a fenix rising from the ashes, getting stronger and more beautiful by every adversity.

* * *

Both of them had started out as loners, not trusting anyone as much as themselves. Maybe it was that which had made it so easy to become friends, the fact that they understod eachother, knew where it all came from. Never again would they have to face their hardship alone, now they had eachother to rely on, a friendship that was more worth then anything else.


	10. Chapter 10

The last chapter was the longest so far, so i wanted to do this chapter a bit shorter, not as heavy to read. I´m thinking of rewriting the first chapters when i "get the time" (Which mean when i feel like it). Because i am more pleased with the latest ones where i put a bit more effort in it. Maybe the first chapters will be better if they get a bit more "colour" to them.

One thing you will notice in this chapter is that you will get to wiev shepard through the eyes of all the crew, i wanted you to know how "they" felt about her, thinking that maybe it would make you feel closer to them or something else as stupid! ^^ . well thats what i did, hope you enjoy it! hugs and kisses, Alpha

* * *

**Chapter 10 - Through their eyes**

Romance: Rehna Nahima Shephard - Garrus Vakarian

Vanguard, Colonist, War Hero.

**All the charakters are owned by bioware and some of the segments of the conversations. I´m just trying my own version of the events!**

* * *

Garrus woke up early that morning, there was no one else awake so he thought that Rehna was probably still asleep as well. He was gonna keep good to his promise about making her breakfast, he did not only do it to make her eat, he needed to check that she was okey, see if it had helped that they spoke last night. The elevator made a low humming sound on its way to the crew deck, the dim lights casted shadows where he went, making him feel a bit uneasy. There was not alot that could make the big turian scared, but he was so used to have people around all the time that the occuring silence was somewhat disturbing. When he opened the fridge he suddenly remember he had no idea how to make human food, they did not share the same DNA, which also made them have to eat different sort of meals. If they by accident ate something that was of the other ones they could get really sick, he was certainly not gonna kill her now that he had gotten her to feel better. He remembered that the chef used a list to seperate the different ingredients, making sure not to mix the food which could result in poisoning the crew. By searching through the drawers he found the list he was looking for, combined with some recipes, the easiest thing to make looked to be something called "Sandwich", he had seen shepard eat that before and she seemed to enjoy it. Returning to the fridge he picked out the things needed and started working, this was actually pretty fun, making breakfast for his new found best friend.

This was a human ship but they had tried to make it comfortable for the new sort of races that had joined the team, buying a new stock of kitchen supplies so that those who had different DNA could eat without risking getting ill. There where two brewers, the fridge and freezer had been separated into two parts, one for dextro food (Turian and quarians) and one section for the Levo food (the other races). Although there where a risk of getting ill, both types of DNA could be "immune" to the other, not give any infection or reaction at all.

Garrus was not use to this sort of cooking, the thing called butter made him most confused, he wondered if it really could taste that great, being all yellow and slimy. After spreading the butter over the bread he slapped the thing called sausage on top, he looked at what he had made and chuckled to himself, he felt ridiculous. He would have wanted to make something better, he knew how to cook, but only his own type of food, the sandwiches would just have to be enough. He put the meals on a tray and went to shepards cabin, hoping she would not throw him out once he was there. He knocked softly, sharpened his hearing, trying to investigate if she was moving in there, but he heard nothing and decided to go in. She was still sleeping, her bright red hair spread out over the pillow, breathing softly. He put the trey on her desk and walked up to her, wondering if he really should wake her up, considering what she would most prefer right now, to continue sleeping or having a great cosy breakfast, the latter seemed like the best option. He ran his hand over her arm carefully, not wanting to startle her, she stretched before opening her eyes looking up at him. She looked really surprised but did not say anything, just yawned and sat up leaning against the wall.

"I decided yesterday, after we had talked, to bring you breakfast today, you must be starving, since you haven´t eaten for.. what is it now? two days?"

"seems like i made the right decision to bring you on this mission Garrus, i am absolutely starving... But... do you know how to make human food?"

"I struggled some, but i looked at a recipe while cooking, you don´t need to worry, you won´t get sick by eating it"

He handed her one plate full of sandwiches and her cup of coffee before he sat down on a chair digging in to his own food.

"I know your trying to be nice and all... but was it really necessary trying to kill me by overfeeding me? There are enough sandwiches here to feed the whole crew!" she laughed friendly at him before throwing herself over the plate, the first bite sent a shiver of pleasure through her body, she shewed fast, almost swallowing the sandwich whole, before picking up a new one and continue eating.

"I don´t know how much you humans can eat but for me that wouldn´t last long, we turians need alot of food to keep us going... I hope it tastes good, there where some strange ingredients i had to use, do you really enjoy that... slimy butter?"

She laughed so hard she almost choked "Yeah, it tastes great, you would enjoy it if you could eat it!"

He let her enjoy her breakfast in silence, did not want to disturbe her now that she seemed so at ease. He hoped she would appreciate that he atleast tried to make something similar to food, wanting to make her feel happy. After they where done he poured up another round of coffee for both of them.

"Thank you for this, you didn´t have to, but i appreciate it very much" She looked at him, her eyes shined with the same brightness they used to do, that was all he needed to know he had made her happy.

"But i liked it, was really fun to try, gave me some challange, next time i´ll try out that thing... what was it called... soup?"

"That would probably be a bit more difficult since you would need to taste it to make sure it´s good"

"Even if i follow a recipe?"

"I suppose you don´t, but if your going to keep up with this, i´ll have to learn how to make turian food in return"

"You don´t need to do that, i do this for fun, not because i feel like i have to"

"But i want to learn! This could actually turn out to be something really fun, we could compete, see who learns the fastest how to make the other ones food!"

Now it was his turn to laugh, she was returning to her normal self, wanting to compete again."you don´t want to do that, you know i would win!"

"You are such a smart ass! who won the sniper cometition, yeah that´s right! I did!"

"I didn´t even know we where competing at Noveria! If i had known i would have won!"

"Don´t start, we compete on every mission, never forget that!"

He laughed, she was right, she had won the competition, he had tried to beat her at first, before realising what state she was in. But as he gave it deeper thought, he realised that she would have won even if she was not acting all _reckless killing machine_, she still had the same power in her, she just had to use it. He wondered if he was ever going to be able to beat her, he decided to practise hard.

_One day shepard... i´m going to be the one who win._

* * *

Rehna stood infront of the mirror studying her own reflection, a pair of lively green eyes stared back, her face was framed by the bright red hair which was long enough to reach below her shoulders. Her body was tall and slim, filled with muscles from the years of training. Rehna did not give much thought to her appearance, She was a warrior, her art was the one of killing, always protecting those who could not fight for themselves. Therefor she did not want to spend any time with such trivial things as make up.

She combed her tousled hair before putting on some casual clothes, today was the day to put away the strict and assertive commander, becoming simply, rehna. By coming closer to Garrus she had realised what it meant to be friends with the crew. Although she had always seen them as close she had never let down her facade completely, always keeping them at a safe distance.

So by removing everything that made her look and feel strict, maybe she could interact with them the way she would have if she was not their commander. And today was a perfect day since it was a long trip to their next mission, giving lots of time to spare.

Rehna gave one last glance at herself in the mirror, she shrugged and went out the door towards the crew deck.

* * *

Kadian looked at her walking towards him, making sure she did not notice how he stared, he could not help but feel amazed, she looked absolutely beautiful. He was chocked by the fact that she looked so casual, noticing her gorgeous hair, those striking eyes, that damn smerk. He had thought long and hard about his feelings towards Shepard, realising that he loved her so much that his heart ached, knowing she did not feel the same for him. Atleast that was what he believed, she had never shown him any signs of affection, never answered to his attempts at flirting. The first time they had met she had looked at him with that confident stare of hers, challanging him, testing to se if he was gonna give in to her superiority. From that moment on his love for her had continued to grow stronger and stronger for each day, till it was so strong that he would die for her.

As she approached, he could feel how his pulse started to raise, the palms started to sweat and he blushed uncontrollably.

"Hi alenko, i see you still working hard at that console"

"Hi.. Commander!.. uh.. yeah.. it will have to start working correctly some time!"

"Yeah it probably will. you look quite pale, is everything okey?"

"I´m feeling terrific! It´s just... hot... in here, makes me a bit dizzy.." He stuttered, before another shiver of embarrassment ran through his body and made him blush.. Damn, what she did to him without even trying, it was excruciating.

"Hm.. Hot, yeah i guess it is a bit warm in here, maybe its because you stand so close to that console!"

"Yeah, that could be it.. .. " Or it is because you stand merely 3 feet away from me, if i reached out my hand right now i could touch you, feel your skin under my palm...

"What are you thinking about?" she put her hands across her chest, looking at him with a questioning glance.

Damn, she was on to him, he had to move fast, think of something else... old ladies butt... Shepards butt.. NO damnit!.. old ladies butt... old ladies butt...

"I´m just thinking about our upcoming missions, you know... what´s at stake, it kinda scares me..."

"I can see why, its powerfull enemies we are facing, something we don´t know alot about yet" She let her arms fall back at her side and looked at him with sympathy.

Good job kaidan, she bought it, now i just have to keep pretending like that´s what is making my body shaky...

"Yeah, we don´t know what´s coming for us, its making me uneasy.."

"We will find out soon enough, i´ll make sure of it!"

I can see her lips move, my mouth answers, but by god my thoughts are elsewhere.. Why can´t i control myself, she will notice that something is wrong again.. But I feel so warm around her, everything feels..just, right!... she is the one, the only, the one i would like to spend the rest of my life with.. God i´m such a dork!

"Well Kaidan it was nice talking with you, i´m gonna get going, see you later!"

He could not remember their diskussion if he tried, had been to busy thinking about her. Next time they spoke he would try harder to get her attention, make her realise they could be something more then friends, even though only the thought of asking her out made him nervous. He watched as she walked away, hoping that she would be back soon

* * *

Liara sat by her desk as usuall, working with some prothean data, trying to make sence of it, she heard someone enter her cabin and spinned around in her chair to see who it was. Her heart started to spinn when she saw that it was shepard, Liara was not use to this kind of feeling. It made her body feel all warm and butterflies invaded her stomach, flapping their wings all over the place. She stood up to greet shepard who now was standing right infront of her, she feelt something similar to a blush as her face got hot.

"Hi Liara, are you settling in fine on the ship?"

"Yeah, i actually really like it here, everyone is nice to me, and it feels good to have people around, i was alone for so long, now i have to get use to all the sounds again. Humans still confuse me though, i have not really learned how to communicate with you properly yet"

"The way you communicate is proper liara, you don´t have to change it"

"But it feels like i´m making a fool out of myself, i´m afraid that i will say something inappropriate"

"If that would ever happen, i assure you that most people would understand that it was not your intention to insult them"

"Maybe you are right, but it won´t keep me from trying, i´m gonna master your human ways of expressing yourselves!"

"Maybe its inappropriate for me to ask this, but i feel that i have to, to make sure that you are okey... It couldn´t have been easy... to see your own mother die"

Her heart pinched as she remembered her mothers last words, _I´m proud of you_, it was hard to think about, and it hurt more then she let shepard know.

"No, it was not easy, but i try to remind myself of all the good times i had with her, my childhood, the times when we went out having picknicks, when she tried to teach me about protheans... I can still see her in that beautiful yellow dress she used to wear, it was her favorit"

"I think that´s a good way of handling it, even in the end she realised that she had been wrong, she tried to redeem herself, a good person"

"You are right as always Shepard, you are very speciall, i just want to dig into that brain of yours, discover your secrets"

Shepard looked at her with a surprised expression "You want to...dig into my brain... wasn´t that what you did when we... melded?"

"look! now i have offended you! I just meant that you are very interesting, you are part prothean now, and you where touched by one of their beacons!"

"It feels like you are talking about a prothean dig site you want to explore"

"see! this is why i have to learn your human ways, i keep offending you!" She got hot in the face of embarrassment, starting to get really nervous, rubbing her hands together not knowing where to put them.

"Relax Liara, i am just joking with you"

"Oh... alright.. well, i guess it could be fun to explore you sometime"

Now shepard burst out into a high pitch laugh, she tried to force it down but it was impossible.

"please, just forget this conversation ever happened!"

"If it will make you feel better, just remember that i am here whenever you need to talk" Shepard chuckled and winked before she turned away and left the room.

What did that mean, that thing she did with her eyes, oh god, i have to search some on human behaviour. She must think i´m an complete and utter fool!

There must be something seriosly wrong with me, i feel so strange when around her, even though its a good strange. It feels like her eyes penetrate my sole, like they can look into my heart... Maybe i should speak with dr Chakwas, she may know what´s wrong with me. until then I´m going to learn how to communicate with humans, she won´t see me as a fool next time she visit!

* * *

Wrex saw shepard walk up to him, he was proud to have her as his leader, she choose strong enemies, always tried her best to keep the crew happy. She had even helped him find his family armor, he would follow her for as long as she needed him.

"wrex"

"Shepard"

Her talks could be so annoying sometimes, he was not much for conversating, rather kill stuff. She always kept pushing to find out more, made him have to tell her about his time at Tuchanka. But when they talked about what he thought interesting the conversations could be fun. They had talked much about his homeworld, she had made him realise they needed a leader, to get some order to all the mess that was Tuchanka. Maybe he would return there once this mission was over, he could try to lead his people to become something better. He would give that some deeper thought , wrex, BIG leader of the krogan homeworld, that certainly sounded good in his ears.

* * *

There she was, the one that everybody loved, Commander Shepard. Ashley could not help but feel a bit jealous, she had been fighting her whole life to get some respect back to her family name. Never got any good missions or the chance to prove that she was worthy, it seemed so easy for shepard, wherever she went everyone just loved her, even Kaidan. The first time she had seen him she could only think about how dorky he was, but later, she realised what a great person he was. The fluffy bunny she needed in her dangerous life, and yet shepard just needed to walk past him for him to crawl by her knees. Yes, she was actually mighty jealous, on top of that there where aliens all over the ship. Ashley was cautious around aliens, thought it was dangerous to have them running all over the ship, being able to explore it as they saw fit.

"Hi Ashley, What are you up to?"

"Not much, just got done speaking with my sis"

"Yeah i could here her as i walked up here, so.. Kaidan huh?" Rehna winked at her and ashley started to blush immediately.

"Please, just forget that conversation ever existed... i´m sure he is already taken..." The last part was barely a whisper.

"If you say so... But just so you know, the easiest thing would be to just talk to him, tell him how you feel"

"I don´t feel anything for him... He is just, cute, you know"

"if you say so.. How are you settling in, do you enjoy being here at the Normandy?"

"Yes, it definitely is a great opportunity for me... its just..."

"Go on"

"Well, these aliens, can we really trust them?"

"What do you mean, exactly, ashley?.." Shepard did her usual _strict commander pose_, by crossing her arms over her chest.

"Nothing really commander, i´m not used to being around aliens, that´s all"

"Good.. And just so you know.. yes, they can be trusted, fully" Shepard glanced over to where Garrus stood and worked with the mako, a sudden warmt in her voice as she spoke.

Did she actually have feelings for that stupid turian? She forced down a mocking laugh, that surely was unexpected, she could have some fun with this..

"I´ll trust your judgement commander"

Shepard left and ashley watched her with an evil grin on her face. i´ll get back at you for stealing Kaidan from me...

* * *

Tali admired the commander, she had let her join the normandy crew without second guessing, not like other aliens who despised her for being a quarian, they saw them as mere scavengers and thieves. They ate dinner together, laughed and chatted like they had been friends forever, it was quite cosy actually.

"So tali, tell me more about the quarian culture!"

"Is this really something that you find interesting?"

"Yeah, it actually does, I have always liked to study about other races"

"That explains alot about how you behave around us"

"What do you mean?"

"Can i speak freely? You won´t throw me out the airlock?"

"Permission to speak freely" shepard laughed

"Well, you don´t judge us, you act the same around us as the rest of the crew, it feels like we are actually a part of it, i think that can only come from knowing about us, not having any prejudices"

Shepard got quiet for a moment, looking like she considered what to answer to that.

"I studied alot about other races when i enlisted, gave me something else to think about, a time for pause." She winced, like she had remembered something bad "I learned to, like we humans say _never judge a book by its cover_, I have meet such amazing people from all over the galaxy, some of the best memories i have are those with other races."

"I agree, this team is such a mixture of different cultures and religions, its fun being a part of it, i never thought my pilgrimage would be so exiting! Thanks for letting me follow you on this mission Shepard, it means alot..."

"The pleasure is mine Tali, its great having you aboard!"

She would remember this for the rest of her life, thinking back at it, telling her future children about it. How she, Tali´Zorah nar Raya was part of shepards crew.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11 - Doing what must be done

Romance: Rehna Nahima Shephard - Garrus Vakarian

Vanguard, Colonist, War Hero.

**All the charakters are owned by bioware and some of the segments of the conversations. I´m just trying my own version of the events!**

* * *

She watched him from a distance when he worked with the Mako, he was tall, every move he made was with the precision of a soldier. Rehna started to approach him slowly, wanted to take one last good look at him.

"Hi Vakarian, you are working hard i see"

"Please, call me Garrus."

"If i´m going to call you by your first name, then you will have to Call me Rehna"

"As you wish.. Commander" He looked at her with a clever grin

"So, are you never going to take a break?"

"Not with the ammount of damage this baby gets to take everytime you drive her"

"Are you complaining about my driving skills, Vakarian?"

He stopped working and leaned against the console right next to her, her heart started to raise, she felt a small blush appear on her cheeks and tried to hide it.

"Well, you seem to think that _mountain_ means shortcut, you never seem to know where the breaks are placed... And i told you to call me Garrus" He smiled in his own turian way

"And i told you to call me Rehna.. And _mountains_ are shortcuts, you go over them and you are there, takes to much time to drive around them"

He laughed at her and nugded her friendly in the shoulder "You are to impatient, if you would just take your time, i would be able to have some spare time as the rest of the crew, now i´m stuck working all day"

She chuckled "Cmon, you know you love it! You would not move away from that Mako even if there was a fire"

He let out a loud laugh and turned towards her, looking at her with those bright blue eyes.

"So, what you are saying is that i love to clean up your messes?"

"No, I´m saying that you enjoy calibrating to much to ever stop with it"

"That may be true, maybe. Or its just a good way to keep your thoughts busy" He stopped talking and looked away from her, looking like he was deciding on something. "there actually was something i needed to talk to you about"

"Go ahead, i´m listening"

"During my c-sec days i was sent to investigate a salarian geneticist. My usual tasks where to track illegal trading on the Citadel, most of it harmless, nothing i needed to pursue. But during the course of my investigation i discovered an increase in the trade of body parts, organs mostly, we usually get a few of those, but not the numbers i was seeing. I wasn´t sure if it was the new blackmarket lab or if someone was harvesting organs from citisens"

"So, what was it?"

"Both actually, but it took us a while to figure that out"

"So... how did you figure it out?"

"First, we got ahold of a sample and ran DNA tests. The weird thing was, the match led us to a turian who was still alive and very convinced he had never lost his liver. After a bit of digging i discovered that this turian had worked briefly for DR Saleon, the geneticist, so i went to his lab to look for evidence for cloned organ development, but found nothing"

"So what did you do next?"

"I brought in some of his employees for interrogation, see if i could get them to talk. While i was interviewing one of them i came across something suspicious. One of my detainees started bleeding profusely during the interwiev. We offered to patch him up and he got frantic, freaked out. I ordered a full exam, to find out what was going on. Our medics found incisions all over his body, some of them fresh. That was our big break, these people wheren´t just Dr Saleons employees. They where test tubes, walking... living... test tubes"

"That´s sick... unforgivable... Growing spare parts in his own employees"

"Yeah.. He cloned their organs right inside their own bodys, then he harvested them and sold them off. Most of the victims where poor. He would pay them each a small procentage of the sales, but only if the organs were good. Sometimes an organ wouldn´t grow properly, so he would just leave it in them. Most of them were a mess, but only on the inside, hidden so no one could see it."

"I hope he got what he deserved..."

"That´s part of the reason why i´m telling you this, we never caught him"

"Why not? What happened?"

"He ran, blew up his lab, grabbed some of his employees and headed for the nearest space dock. By the time i found out, his ship was already leaving, he threatened to kill his hostages if we tried to stop him"

"So... what did you do?"

"I ordered Citadel defense to shoot him down, but C-Sec headquarters countermanded my order. They were worried about the hostages, worried about civilian casualties if the ship was destroyed so close to the citadel. I told them those hostages were dead anyway, he would just use them to make more organs, but they wouldn´t listen."

"Its a hard decision.."

"It really isn´t, they would have been dead anyway"

"Yes, but not by your hand"

He looked at her with those wonderfull blue eyes, just standing there, thinking.

"But maybe they would have been better of dead, not having to become test tubes.."

"Yes, the word being _maybe_, its never easy knowing the right decision. Would you really want innocents blood on your hands? Knowing you pulled the trigger? what if they had survived if you didn´t, as for me, i don´t know what i would have done."

"Well, at the time it pissed me off, i went to Pallin and told him what i thought of him and his policies. He said if i didn´t like it, i could quit, i almost did."

"I understand why you got pissed, i would have been to if someone like Saleon slipped through my hands."

He saw her wince, and stare out in the emptiness, a sudden flash of dark in her eyes, he saw something in her he did not quite understand yet.

"The second reason i wanted to speak to you. I found him, he have changed his name to Dr Heart, his idea of a joke i suppose. I know the location of his ship, i want to go there, i want to catch him."

"Then that´s where we are headed" She put her hand on his shoulder and looked him in the eyes, that fierce fire in them again "We will catch him"

* * *

Garrus were still working with the Mako when he heard them. The group where in the cargo bay, on the opposite side from where he stood.

"So not only do you bring him on every single mission, now you do him personal favors to?" Kaidan exclaimed angrily.

"What is it you are trying to say, that i favor crew members?"

"That´s exactly what he is saying, you put those lousy aliens before us!" Ashley was so angry her face had turned red.

They talked so loud they must have intended for them to hear. Garrus looked at wrex who began to show sign of irritation, garrus himself let out an angry growl..

Shepards body tightened, she clenched her fists close to her body.

"Don´t you dare start with that again, every single time i have spoken to you, you have questioned why the aliens are here, _we can´t trust them, they do this and that, they are scary,_ bla bla bla.. But you know what Ashley, I DON´T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR PERSONAL PROBLEMS WITH ALIENS... This stops here and now.. Those people, that you are so quick to judge, have done more for me than you can ever imagine.. They are strong, good fighters and they deserve to be here. BUT EVEN! if they would have been lousy, stupid and completley worthless.. IT WAS I WHO BROUGHT THEM ON THIS MISSION! Right now you are questioning my command and i´m starting to feel like its YOU who don´t deserve to be here!"

"But you aren´t a very good commander if you put some crew before others!" Kaiden fired back.

"There is no favor in it at all, its just the fact that everyone of those you call _lousy aliens_ are better at fighting then most people i have encountered. I bring them because they have proven they deserve it, because i know the mission will be a succes if they are with me. and THEY NEVER question my authority, they always follow my orders, they never judge me. As for you two, it seems you are very eager to judge me before you have the facts."

"It doesn´t explain why Garrus follows you on every mission, you have feelings for him!"

Now shepard laughed Mockingly and fixed her burning eyes in ashleys.

"Garrus, is a very close friend to me, he is the only one on this ship who actually seem to care for me, seem to understand me. So yes, i have feelings for him, but not in they way you incline, he is a very dear friend. As for why i bring him on the missions, he is a hell of a fighter, one of the best soldiers i have ever seen. He always have my back, kills enemys faster then the both of you put together. And i will keep bringing him on every single mission, because he deserve it, because i need him there. When you two start to show you deserve it, i may show you the same respect.."

Garrus could not help but feel the pride flow in his body when he heard Rehna defend him.

"But commander i.."

"NO, that´s enough! I am done listening to you, i have explained my actions so there is nothing more i can do. I´m DONE with your disrespect. When you two are done playing children i will listen, GROW THE FUCK UP!"

She turned and left them standing there, angry as hell but ashamed...

* * *

They where about to board the MSV Fedele, the dim lights casted shadows where they went, the ship was completley silent, it seemed empty.

"It feels like we are boarding a ghost ship" Tali squealed

"Should be lots of ghosts here, in mind with Dr Saleons work, many people have probably died on this ship... Beware Tali, maybe the ghost likes to eat small quarians"

"Very funny Garrus, i´m not a child, you can´t scare me!"

Just then he grabbed her shoulder from behind to try and startle her, Tali jumped and let out a frightened scream.

"Whats wrong with you?"

Garrus chuckled "You see! i can scare you!"

"Cmon children, enough with your games, lets keep moving"

They moved through the silent ship and shepard started to wonder if they really would find who they were looking for. When they reached the other room they could hear low growls from every corner..

"Now that´s scary"

"I never thought you were so easy to startle Tali"

"I didn´t think i was either, but i just hate silent ships..."

From behind the walls creatures started to appear, they looked like husks but green and slimy, with long sharp fangs, they drooled and moved towards the group like zombies. Shepard used her biotics to push them away and the husks ended up in a messy pile on the ground. Soon there were green monsters all around them, the team struggled to keep them at a safe distance, if the husks would get to close they would puke poisonous goo all over them. They moved through the room like a well oiled machine, helping eachother to defeat the enemy. Shepard used her biotics to bunch the creaturs up in a pile so that Tali and Garrus could mash them with their bullets. The ship was not that big and soon they found the commando bridge, it looked like there were no living things left on the ship, when suddenly shepard heard a sound in one of the rooms. They approached the door and raised their weapons before opening it..

"Thank god, you saved me!"

"THAT´S HIM! that´s dr Saleon!" Garrus exclaimed

"You are crazy, He is crazy! My name is Dr Heart!" the salarian looked wild, his stare flickered.

Shepard looked at the doctor then back at Garrus, she wanted to be sure it was the right Salarian.

"Are you sure Garrus?"

"Yes i am sure, that´s him, i would recognize that face anywhere anytime."

"I trust you garrus..."

Shepard aimed her gun at dr Saleon, her eyes were burning with the hate she felt.

"Your torture ends here, to many people have died, to many people have been in agony because of YOU! you should not be allowed to exist!"

She pressed the barrel of her gun, a lonely bullet penetrated the doctors skull, sending him flying back on the ground. Rehna exhaled, still holding the gun aimed at the already dead doctor, staring at him with hate garrus had never seen in the commander before.

"He.. he is dead Rehna.."

"I know, i just want to remember this moment...I hope his body will rot in this hell hole"

She lowered her hand and turned around.

"Lets get going, we are done here"

Garrus could not help but feel a bit dissapointed, this was his case, he was the one who should take revenge on the doctor. Besides, he had seen a new side of shepard, one he was not sure he liked, she was supposed to be paragon, someone who did not enjoy revenge. A strange feeling grew in his belly, he wondered what more the commander hid from him.

* * *

"Joker, get us away from here, send the coordinates to the allianse, they would want to search the place, tell them the ship is empty. If anyone wants to speak with me, tell them i´m busy"

Garrus saw Rehna walk towards the elevator, he wanted to talk to her, ask why she had not let him kill Saleon. He was irritated and it started to get the better of him, but he followed her, forced down the anger in his body. He was not gonna start a fight, just talk to her.. The door hissed as they closed and the elevator began its travel towards the cargo hold.

"So, where are you going?"

"I´m gonna have a nice long work out"

She stared straight at the wall, did not even turn to look at him when she spoke. A low growl rumbled from his throat, she was ignoring him, so he would do the same. The elevator reached its destination, as soon as the doors opened Rehna Rushed towards the gym. He stood there in the elevator, considering what to do next, should he ignore her like he wanted to. Or should he try and speak with her, something seemed wrong. His curiosity got the better of him so he followed her. He sat down and waited for her while she was in the dressing room.

Rehna did not even notice him when she came out, just went directly to the punching bags, started out strong, hit them over and over again with all her might. Her body was strained and powerfull, he could see the muscles work by her every punch. He stood up and approached her from behind, felt like a stalker watching her without her knowing. He put a hand on her shoulder and she froze immediatly.

"I did not notice you there.. Garrus.."

"I know, thats why i interrupted you"

"So, you here for a work out to, or are you just stalking me?"

"I´m stalking you"

He could feel her body relax as she let out a soft laughter.

"well, since you are already here, we might aswell work some on that _hand to hand_ you turians do "

"I don´t know if that´s such a good idea..."

She turned around and looked at him, still that hate in her eyes, it made him uncomfortable.

"why not?"

"I think you know why..."

"Why do you think i know?"

"Just stop..."

"So, its because of the fact that you are a predator, having a hard time controlling your emotions, right? What are you afraid of, you think i can´t handle a pissed of Turian?" She crossed her arms over her chest, challanging him.

"That´s exactly why.."

"I´m commander shepard, people call me immortal, no one has ever beaten me, and you think i can´t handle one smart ass turian?"

"Why are you doing this? Are you trying to make me angry?"

"Maybe i am, maybe i want to see what happens when a turian looses his control"

Garrus let out a growl and grabbed her shoulders, he threw her up against the wall, pinned her arms to her sides. They were merely one feet away from eachother, so close they could feel eachothers hot breaths.

"No, no you don´t. I´m well aware of how strong you are, i have been with you on almost every single mission, i have never seen anyone more worthy of their reputation." He looked down and took a deep breath before looking straight in her eyes. "But you haven´t seen a turian loose control, you haven´t seen us fight... You if anyone, should know, but since you are acting all stupid i will tell you anyway.. We have hardened skin, talons, sharp teeths. you don´t have any of that, you don´t even have your armor on. If i loose it now, i would attack you, i wouldn´t be able to control myself, i could kill you..."

He let go of her and stepped back, breathing heavily, not daring to look at her. Would not be able to handle the look on her face. He felt the soft caress of a hand on his arm.

"I´m sorry Garrus, i let my anger get the better of me...i´m so, so sorry.."

He turned and looked at her, a sudden rush of embarrassment when he saw the sadness in her eyes.

"No, i´m sorry..."

"Don´t do that! This was my fault, only my fault... Its like, all my life i have fought to control my emotions, never let them show, but since i jumped on this mission i have failed several times. I don´t know whats wrong with me..."

"There is nothing wrong with you, if you have fought that long to keep them hidden, maybe its time you let them show, stop being embarrassed about them.."

She sighed and slid down the wall until she sat on the floor.

"I guess you want to know why i killed Saleon.."

_How did she know..._

"Yes.. why did you kill him?.."

"I have told you alot about my past... but what i haven´t told you, is what i became after it... When i lost everything that was ever precious to me, i closed up, became empty.. I was an empty shell with only hate left, i wanted to kill the ones who had killed my family and friends, I wanted revenge... When you have that much hate in your body it will never dissappear... It may hide itself, it may grow colder over the years, but it will always remain, reminding itself when you least expect it.."

He sat down by her side, staying quiet, listening. He wanted to be close to her right now, knew it must be hard to talk about her past. She hugged her knees and sighed deeply before continuing.

"In the beginning it was hard to accept who i was, i tried to fight that hate, tried to hide it.. Finally i had to realise it wasn´t going anywhere, it was a part of me, the dark part of me.. There are alot of Evil out there, people who would be better of dead"

"Like Dr Saleon?"

She nodded

"I wanted to protect people, fight for what was right you know. But it was hard to do that when the evil parts of yourself always came knocking on the door. That´s when i decided _my justice_, my way of fighting, would be to strike down on those who where Evil, and save those who where righteous. That´s why i killed him.. He was Evil, he deserved to die... I kill those who kill others for pleasure, those who torture and hurt others for their own gain. That´s the kind of Soldier i decided to become.. I won´t regret killing people who deserve it...And the people who are left behind deserve revenge, i will be the one to bring that to them"

_Then why didn´t she let him kill Saleon_?...As if she knew his thoughts, she continued...

"But its a hard path to walk, that´s why most people prefer to put them in jail... Because the ones you kill will hunt you, in your dreams and thoughts, everyday, every night. I see their faces infront of me, i remember how they died, that i pulled the trigger.. I will walk this path so that i can save people from those who are Evil. Even if it means stabbing myself in the heart everytime i take that revenge. Even if it means i have to remember their faces, how they died, for it to be justified. My pain will save people, and i can endure it, because it has been there my whole life, i was already broken, torn... That´s why i did not let you kill him Garrus, that pain is already a part of me.. but you are still.. pure... I don´t want you to go throught that... ever..."

He was stunned, horrified, completley in awe... What she did.. What she went throught to save others, he had never meet anyone like her... People say that you should never play god by deciding who deserve to live or die... But by killing someone like Saleon you save the innocent. Rehna did not do it out of pleasure, she did it because she had to, because it was right, and she was already being punished for it ... He did not know what to say, definitly was not irritated anymore.. Garrus grabbed Rehnas hand an held it tight.

"I never knew... I don´t think anyone will ever understand how strong you really are.. Even for me, who know more about you now then most others, have a hard time understanding it.. But i will never.. ever, doubt you again..."

She looked at him, that confidence and strength i her gaze, now he knew where it all came from... A warrior born from the ashes of Love and Hate, perfected by the years of trials, she was beyond perfect...


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12 - I had to make a choice

Romance: Rehna Nahima Shephard - Garrus Vakarian

Vanguard, Colonist, War Hero.

**All the charakters are owned by bioware and some of the segments of the conversations. I´m just trying my own version of the events!**

* * *

_"You don´t deserve to exist!" _

_BLAAAAAAAM_

_Bloody faces everywhere, eyes watching her, blaming her.. Screams from every corner so loud, it felt like her ears would explode.._

_"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO"_

_They surrounded her, nowhere else to run, a tall turian stood behind the masses, his blue eyes filled with sorrow. _

_"HEEEEEEELP ME!"_

_He turned away, leaving her screaming for help, something grabbed her from behind, embraced her in its cold dark fathom, she screamed, wriggled, tried to escape, the creatures hands held her tight, cold as ice.. Its cold breath evaporated against her warm neck as it sunk its sharp teeth into her flesh.._

Rehna flew up from the bed, her body shaking, sweat poured down her brow and neck... _Will they ever stop, will i ever have a good nights rest.._ She opened the cabin door and wandered out in the dark and silent ship, ending up at the comforting ezo core, its pulsating energy created blue light that shone down on her. She clinched her hands hard to try and stop them from shaking. Her cheeks got hot from the tears she tried to force down..

"Is everything okey commander?"

She discreetly wiped the tears from her face.

"Couldn´t sleep..."

"Me neither... Partly because of you...because of the fight.."

"What do you mean Alenko?.."

He walked up to her and put his hands on the rail, fixing his eyes at the ezo core..

"Im sorry, i shouldn´t have said those things... I trust you as our commander, you are the best one i have ever seen..."

He looked at her where she stood silently, the blue shifting lights casted shadows over her.

"I don´t know why i said those things... it may be part of my jealousy, for not being enought, because you don´t seem to notice me..."

She looked at him, the bright green eyes studying every part of him, breaking him down piece by piece..

"I notice you alenko... But not only you, i know everyone on this ship, what their good at, what they like to do on their spare time, even their favorit food..."

"Why?..."

"Everyone on this ship is in danger, we are following an enemy we know very little about.. Everyday i risk your lives by putting you at the front lines... I want to know what kind of person i´m sending out there, what kind of person i might end up loosing... Every single person on this ship deserves to be here... that includes you, i aldready know it, its up to you to believe it..."

He leaned against the railing and watched her leave, thinking about their conversation.. She wanted her crew to be happy, because they risked their lives for her... That´s why she had helped garrus and wrex, needed them to be happy and at peace, not because she favored them... He felt so stupid, he had screamed at the person he loved... But still, she believed in him, maybe he would have to start doing that to...

* * *

"We are closing up to Virmire commander! There are AA towers everywhere, i´ll have to fly under the radars and drop you off with the mako!"

"Sounds good, we will take out the towers so that you can land, keep in touch.. Garrus and Tali you come with me.. The rest, stay alert!"

The Mako dropped softly in the river on the paradise like planet, the sun was shining and the birds chirped, if it wasn´t for the huge geth colossus everywhere Rehna might have stopped for a picnic. The water splashed at the sides of the mako as they made their way towards the first AA tower. They eliminated the geth and disabled the defenses before they continued.

"Look, you are actually going around the mountains for a change! that´s a progress!"

"Shut up Garrus or i´ll let you walk the rest of the way"

"Ooh, is it a touchy subject?"

"No, but if you keep concentrating on my driving instead of the geth we may never reach the base! Look, you totally missed that one!"

"Tss, I did that on purpose!"

"So.. You missed on purpose, you really want me to believe that?"

"You don´t need to belive in something that´s true!"

"You really are a smart ass turian you know that?"

"Admit, you love it!"

"Please... don´t make me laugh.."

"We got a problem commander.. The normandy have touched down but we are grounded, the Salarian captain can explain when you get there" Joker chirped from the radio.

"Roger that"

They killed another Geth colossus on their way before they reached the Salarian base, the group jumped out of the mako and headed over to the Salarian captain.

"Are you the one in charge here, what´s the situation?"

"Im Kaptain Kirrahe, Third infiltration regement STG. You and your crew have just landed in the middle of a hotzone. Every AA gun within ten miles have been alerted to your presence"

"That´s just wonderfull, what do we do now?"

"We stay put untill the council sends the reinforcements we requested"

"We are the reinforcements!"

"What? You are all they sent? I told the council to send a fleet"

He told them about the facility, they had discovered it was sarens secret base of operation and more...

"He is using the facility to breed an army of krogan"

"How is that possible?" wrex exclaimed joining the conversation.

"Apparently Saren has discovered a cure for the genofage"

"The geth are already a huge problem, with a krogan army added to it, he would be almost unstoppable"

"Exactly my thoughts, we must ensure that this facility and its secrets are destroyed"

"Destroyed, i don´t think so, our people are dying, this cure can save them"

"If that cure leaves this planet the krogan will become unstoppable. We cant make the same misstake again."

Rehna could see the anger boil inside the huge krogan, as he walked up to Kirrahe threateningly "We are NOT a misstake!" wrex stormed of to the outskirts of the camp.

"Is he going to be a problem? We already have enough angry krogan to deal with"

"I don´t know, i´ll talk to him..."

* * *

Rehna stod there for a while, considering the best option on how to talk with Wrex. She knew how much this meant to him, she herself had encouraged him to help his people. But this was not the way, they had to beat saren, and this facility needed to go down with him. She took a deep breath and rolled her neck before approaching him..

"This isn´t right shepard, if there is a cure for the genofage, we cant destroy it"

"I understand you are upset, but we both know saren is our enemy, he is the one you should be angry with"

"Really... Saren created a cure for my people, you want to destroy it! Help me out here shepard, the line between friend and foe are getting a little blurry from where i stand"

"This isn´t a cure, its a weapon! If Saren is allowed to use it, you won´t be around to reap the benefits, none of us will!"

"That´s a chance we should be willing to take! This is the fate of my entire people we are talking about! If you can´t give me a better reason then this to destroy the hopes of my people, then i´m done with you "

"I can´t let you jeopardize the mission, it´s to important!"

"After all this time thats all i get from you, why cant you see what this means to the krogan? This base can´t be destroyed, i won´t allow it!"

"These krogan are slaves of saren. Puppets, tools to be used and discarded. Is that what you want for your people, is that what the krogan stands for, becoming mindless husks?"

"No... We were tools for the council once. To thank us for wiping out the Rachni, they neutered us all. I doubt Saren will be as generous... All right shepard, you´ve made your point, I don´t like this, but i trust you enought to follow your lead..."

"Thanks Wrex, i knew i could trust you.. You will find a way to save your people, one that´s better then this. And when you do, i promise i will help you."

"I´ll hold you to that! Just one thing, when we find Saren, i want his head!"

* * *

Rehna checked that everything was fine with the crew and made some preparations, before returning to Kirrahe.

"Have you come up with a plan?"

"Of sorts, we can convert our ships drivesystem into a twenty kiloton ordnance, crude but effective. The facility is to well fortified for a drop off, we will need to plant it at a precise location. your ship can drop it off at the far side of this facility, but first we will need to deactivate the AA towers and pacify any ground forces."

"That means we have to go in on foot? Is there no other way?"

"No there isn´t, but i think we can work around that. I will devide my men into three teams and hit the front of the facility. While we´ve got their attention you can sneak your _Shadow_ team in the back"

"It´s a good idea, but what about your people, a frontal assault could equal slaughter"

"We are tougher than we look commander... But its true, i don´t expect many of us will make it out alive.. And that makes what i´m about to ask even more difficult, i need one of your men to accompany me, to help coordinate the teams"

Both Ashley and Kaidan volunteered, he wanted one of her crewmembers, who should she send.. She decided it was time for Ashley to learn how to cooperate with other races, she needed to be with them in the dangers of battle to understand their worth.

"Williams, you will accompany the captain, no heroics, understood?"

"Aye aye commander"

"I will have the ordnance loaded onto the Normandy and brief your crew on its detonation sequencing... Now i need to prepare my men"

* * *

Rehna knew it must be hard for Ashley, to be working with people she had never even met before. But she needed to learn, needed to understand that allies are good no matter where they come from..

"Well this is it.. Don´t do anything stupid while im gone LT.."

"We will be fine, you´ll see.." Kaiden sounded more nervous then he probably intended.

"Yeah.. i just... good luck"

"Is there something you want to say chief"

"I don´t know... Its just weird going under someone else´s command, i´ve gotten used to working with you... And i know i have been acting like a huge ass sometimes, and i´m sorry about that.. I just want to say... that it has been a huge honour serving with you commander"

"Nothing needs to be said Ashley. It doesn´t matter if we´re not in the same unit, we are still a team. Watch eachothers backs, keep your eyes open and fight like i know you can. We´ll all come out of this in one piece"

"You bet commander!"

They watched as Kirrahe held his, surprisingly wonderfull speach about _holding the line_, before each of them left for their different tasks.

* * *

Rehna brought garrus and tali with her, the two people she trusted the most of her crew. She made sure to help the Salarians anyway she could, by taking out different geth outposts along their way. Soon they reached the back of the huge facility where they would inflitrate.

"I got this door open soon, but there is an alarm. I can set it off either here or at the front, wich will mean more enemies for us or the salarians, what should i do?"

"More enemies means more fun, right? set it off here"

Inside the facility they where stormed by huge waves of geth, Tali hacked the big ones and Rehna used her biotics to push the smaller ones away. The rest where easily brought down by Garrus and Rehnas rifles. On their way they ran in to imprisoned salarians from kirrahes team, they where indoctrinated but harmless, Rehna could not leave them there so she let them loose. Soon they reached The upper part of the facility where one of Sarens researchers greeted them.

"Don´t shoot! please, i just want to get out of here!" the asari shouted frightened

"Who are you?"

"Rana thanoptis, neurospecialist, but this job isn´t worth dying over, or worse.. You think the indoctrination only affects prisoners! Soon Saren will want to dissect my brain to!"

"You talk to much.. Make my time worthwhile or something bad might happen..."

"I have this keycard, it leads to Sarens private lab, take it!"

"I´m blowing this facility sky high, if you want to make it out alive, you´d better start running..."

"What? you can´t...but i´ll never.. aah" The asari ran as fast as her legs could carry her..

"And so the annoyance was gone" Rehna chuckled

"You enjoyed that"

"That´s pretty obvious Tali"

At sarens lab they discovered another beacon, a similar one to that on Eden prime. Before they could stop her rehna walked up to it, she was lifted of the ground, her body shaking with the force of the beacon, it imprinted another memory from the protheans. She fell to the ground exhausted, she put her hands on her head and winced. Garrus ran up to her side and helped her up.

"Excuse me Rehna.. but are you insane! don´t you remember what happend the last time you did that?"

"I´m sorry, seems i can´t resist big shiny things..."

He laughed and patted her back.. "let´s get going then before you get dazzled by another shiny object"

They walked up the stairs and started to head out the door when a rumbling dark voice interrupted them.

"_You are not Saren..."_ The voice came from a big red hologram that looked like the reaper ship from Eden prime.

"This is not good... what is that? some kind of VI interface" Garrus exclaimed

"_Rudimentary creatures of blood and flesh. You touch my mind, fumbling in ignorance, Incapable of understanding. There is a realm of existence so far beyond your own you cannot even imagine it. I am beyond your comprehension, I am Soverign"_

"Soverign isn´t just some reaper ship saren found, its an actual reaper" Tali squealed

"_Reaper, a label created by the protheans to give voice to their destruction. In the end, what they choose to call us is irrelevant, we simply.. are...Organic life is nothing but a genetic mutation, an accident. Your lifes are measured in years, decades. You wither and die..We are eternal. The pinnacle of evolution and existence, before us, you are nothin. Your extinction is inevitable. We are the end of everything..."_

"There is an entire galaxy of races united and ready to face you"

"_Confidence born of ignorence, the cycle cannot be broken. The pattern has repeated itself more times than you can fathom. Organic civilisations rise, evolve, advance. And at the apex of their glory, they are extinguished. The protheans were not the first. They did not create the citadel, they did not forge the mass relays. They merely found them, The legacy of my kind."_

"Why would you construct the mass relays, then leave them for someone else to find?"

"_Your civilisation is based on the technology of the mass relays, our technology. By using it, your society develops along the paths we desire. We impose order on the chaos of organic evolution. You exist because we allow it, and you will end because we demand it._

"They are harvesting us! Letting us advance to the level they need, then wiping us out!" You could almost touch the fear that seeped from Talis voice.

"_We are legion. we have no beginning, no end, we are infinit, free of all weakness. Our numbers will darken the sky of every world. you cannot escape your doom"_

"You are not even alive, not really. You are just a machine and machines can be broken. I will end you, even if i have to kick your ass with my own boot!"

"_Your words are as empty as your future, i am the vanguard of your destruction. This exchange is over_"

Just then the windows in the room broke as an explosion occured outside.

"Commander, we got a problem" Jokers voice echoed from the comm."That ship soverign? it´s moving. I don´t know what you did down there. But that thing just pulled a turn that would shear any of our ships in half! And its headed your way, you better wrap up things in there, fast!"

"Roger joker, we are headed your way"

* * *

They left the broken console and moved towards the centre of the facility, where they would plant the bomb.

The Normandy soared through the sky like an eagle and landed infront of them. Kaidan and a few people from the crew carried the bomb to its final destination, and started working to arm it.

"We are being overrun commander, there are geth everywhere, they pinned us to the AA tower" Ashleys voice shouted from the comm.

"Can you handle it kaidan?"

"Sure, i´ll need some time to arm the Nuke"

"I´ll go and get ashley, then meet you back here."

"I´m heading your way Ashley, just hold on!"

Rehna Started moving back through the facility with garrus and tali hard on the heels. When they where halfway there, they where interrupted by Kaidans desperate voice over the comm.

"There are geth pouring out all over the bomb site"

"Can you hold them off?"

"There´s to many of them, i don´t think we can surive until you get here. I´m activating the bomb"

"what the hell are you doing Alenko?"

"I´m just making sure this bomb goes off... No matter what!... Its done commander, go get williams and get the hell out of here!"

"Screw that, go back and get Alenko"

Rehnas heart froze in her chest, she grabbed the railing so hard it creaked under the pressure.. _No..no..no _she repeated in her head... _This can´t be happening, i can save both of them.. i can_..

"The geth are pushing at our barriers, its to late for me commander, GET ALENKO!"

She could not think, could not breath, she felt the panic creep up as her whole body screamed... She punched the railing hard over and over again until her hand started to numb.. Garrus reached out and caressed her shoulder softly..

"Alenko.. radio joker and tell him to meet us at the bomb site"

"yes... Commander.. I"

"it´s the right choise alenko.. you know that!"

"I´m sorry Ashley.. I.. I had to make a choise.."

"I understand commander, I don´t regret a thing..."

She walked towards the bomb site feeling like a ghost, like she floated above the ground, not able to sence anything... When they had reached kaidan they wiped out the last of the geth before saren showed up.. She tried to focus on getting him down, but her mind keept drifting away.. She heard him mock her, saying that he could kill her so easily, but she did not care anymore. Her mouth spoke by itself "_We can beat the reapers if we work together" "You are indoctrinated" _while there was only one sentence repeating in her head.. _I just killed ashley..._

Somehow she managed to win the fight because Saren headed of with a deep wound in his abdomen.

From the Normandys window Rehna watched as the facility blew up in a bright red explosion.. Somewhere down there, was one of her crew...

* * *

They had their usual meeting in the debreifing room, but nothing was as normal. A veil of sorrow clouded the room as they remained silent in memory of Williams. The first one to speak their mind was Alenko.

"It was my fault... if i would have been faster, she would not be dead.." he sobbed

"It was not your fault,Blame Saren, the Geth, or even the reapers, but not yourself"

"It should have been me instead of her!"

"I had to make a choice..."

"But why me!" He screamed out the despair she so well recognize.

"We needed to make sure the bomb went of, what if i would have gone after ashley and the geth had overpowered you, then this whole mission would have been in vain. Then maybe all of us would have been dead"

"It´s all so calculating, she dies so i get to live, she dies so that a freaking bomb can go off..."

"I know... I just..." She stared out in the emptiness infront of her.. not sure what else to say, what could she say, nothing could make it not happen...

"Lay it off Alenko, it was hard on all of us!" Garrus exclaimed from his corner..

"What do you know? You don´t care! You didn´t even know her!"

"Alenko that´s enough.. Its enough we lost ashley, we don´t need a fight amongst ourselves!"

"Even now... even now you take his side.. I have had enough of this.. can i please leave?.."

"Go ahead.. there's the door" She pointed angrily, giving him a commanding stare..

Kaidan Flew up from his chair and stormed out of the room, leaving the rest of them in silence yet again.

"We will have the rest of the day off, i have to contact the council... dismissed"

They all rose and left her, she collected herself before standing up and awaiting the usual scolding from the council. But it was not as she expected, they seemed to actually understand today was not the right time for that. She informed them of the mission and they asked some questions, before ending the call.

She went to the cargo hold to speak with the surviving salarians, Kapten Kirrahe had succesfully escaped with his crew intact. They were gonna leave on the next station the normandy docked at, she saluted them before returning to her quarters.

* * *

Her mind was still clouded when she entered her cabin, she crawled up in her bed and dragged the cover over her body, hugging it to try and find comfort. She had just lost a dear friend, even though she was the commander, and ashley was the annoying kid that always yelled for nothing. There was a place in her heart for every crew member, and one of those had just left a huge hole. She heard a knocking on the door that disturbed her silence..

"Am i disturbing you?" Garrus said while stepping into the room.

"Not at all, i think i could use some distraction right now"

"Good.. So, how are you feeling?" He said while taking seat on a chair close to her..

"Crap actually... You?"

"Alot of crap here too..."

She couldn´t help but let out a small chuckle..

She sighed.."Damn... why did she have to die..."

"Shit happens in war, if it wasn´t her it would have been someone else.."

"But i could have stopped it..."

"No one could have stopped that, not even you.."

"If i had reacted faster.. if i had.."

"You did not kill ashley, It wasn´t you who pulled the trigger, saren did.. you will avenge her.."

"When i see that bastard again he is gonna end upp with a hole in his head"

"He sure will.."

"I could so use a drink right now... or tons of them.."

"What would you say, if someone in the crew, might have smuggled some aboard and could have it right here in a few minutes?"

"I would say, Bring it!"

He laughed and stood up "I´ll be right back"

"You better have something strong!"

"Oh.. this is strong enough!"

He returned later with two bottles of some strange coloured liquor in his hands..

"Can i really drink that?"

"On our last shore leave i bought this, so we could celebrate when we came out victorious at the end. But i guess we need it more now"

"You certainly are prepared"

"I surely am, but remember that you owe me a drink for this"

"When did we come up with that agreement?"

"Just now"

She laughed and reached for one of the bottles but he pulled it away before she could grab it.

"So..?"

"Oh what the hell, i already owe you alot of drinks, give me that now!"

He handed her the bottle with the strange green coloured content.

"This smells really funny..."

"If you don´t want it, give it back" He said giving her a teasing expression.

"Nah ah.. This is mine now, i said it smelled funny, not that it smelled like shit"

He burst out in a heartily laughter before pouring up a glass of liquor for himself.

They heaved drink after drink and kept making jokes, each of them had put up a facade of happiness, to try and forget all the bitterness for a while. They both needed an escape, just a brief moment to forget all the darkness that seemed to constantly push their boarders.

"Rehna Damnit! That´s my drink, what if you get sick!"

"Doon´t worry... i´ll be fhiine..."

Before he could stop her she had swallowed the content of the glass

"Damn woman, you are crazy!"

"tsss.. Im commander shlepard! I can handle a litthle turian alchohol..."

He sighed, _stubborn, stubborn human_... now he had to watch her so she did not get an allergic chock or something..

"shoo.. Ya gonna shleep here or whaat?" Rehna slurred and wobbled in the bed..

"I think i can manage to walk the short way to my own bed Rehna, i´m not as drunk as you" Garrus chuckled.

"Cmmmon, i´m nhoot that djuunk.." her eyes where clouded and she could barely fix them at a solid point..

"You can barely keep your eyes open!"

"Ljuust, lie down here!" She patted on the bed for him to lie down "I pjooomis i won´t bite!"

He laughed again "aah.. what the hell.."

"Yey! Good Tuurian!"

He lie down beside her, it was a big bed so they still had a lot of room to maneuver..

"see..i didn´t bite!" She fell back at the bed, closing her eyes as she fell asleep...

He stayed awake for a while longer, to make sure she did not get an allergic chock, But nothing happened, so finally he decided to sleep.. _she must be one of those that are immune._


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13 - Now and forever

Romance: Rehna Nahima Shephard - Garrus Vakarian

Vanguard, Colonist, War Hero.

**All the charakters are owned by bioware and some of the segments of the conversations. I´m just trying my own version of the events!**

Rehna yawned and opened her eyes, she chuckled softly when realising garrus was still asleep, right infront of her. His chest moved in pace with his calm breaths, the mandibles twitched, it looked like he was dreaming something. _maybe he´s dreaming about chasing a cat_. she laughed into the pillow,_ or maybe a car_, another burst of laugh escaped her lips. Rehna took a deep breath before gazing at him again, he looked so harmless, so vulnerable. She reached out her hand and caressed his arm softly, making sure not to wake him. It felt strange, his skin was rough but yet soft, so intriguing. A warm feeling spread through her body, making her heart pinch. She stopped smiling and removed her hand, _what am i doing?_. Rehna flew of the bed and rushed out the bedroom, closing the door behind her. _no, no, no.._ She leaned against the cold metal, every heartbeat felt like a hammer pounding within her chest, _this can´t be happening, it´s crazy!.._With nowhere else to go she made her way to the kitchen, trying to distract herself with making breakfast for them both. _how could i let this happen..Those damn blue eyes... _She worked fast, her hands flew all over the bench back and forth. _yesterday everything felt.. right.._She slammed her fist in the bench. _But its still crazy... i´m in love with a turian... _

* * *

Garrus woke up by a soft caress on his arm, he opened his eyes slowly.

"Wake up big guy, i made you some breakfast"

Her green lustrous eyes stared right into his, Something was different about them, they looked so much more gentle then they used to...

"You, made me breakfast? why?"

"Well, i thought i would return the favor"

"You didn´t have to... i´m glad you did though, i´m starving!" he looked at the plate astonished before taking a bite, he smiled and gave her an exited glance "Did you make this?.."

"uhm... Yes?.. is something wrong with it?"

"No, not at all, I´m Just surprised you where able to cook this, its delicious!"

She chuckled and blushed "thank you, i was hoping you would like it"

He stared at her... Something was definitely different with her today...

"So, how are you feeling? You got pretty wasted last night"

Her cheeks turned tomato red again "I´m sorry, i guess it got a bit out of hand.."

"Don´t bother, it was fun seeing you so relaxed! plus, i got to sleep in a very soft and comfortable bed, i may never leave"

"Seriously though... I am your commander... i shouldn´t have acted that way.. its unprofessional.."

"Can you stop with that already, i have tried to tell you this many times now!.. I don´t care if you are _commander shepard_ or simply _Rehna_! You have already earned my respect, and you will always have my respect, either you are my commander or my friend."

"..Thank you garrus... it means alot... its just that.. You have seen me so...sad.. I hate being weak and powerless, seems i´m not as strong as i used to be..."

He sighed and moved closer to her, putting his talon under her chin, lifting it and forcing her to look him straight in his eyes.

"I believe you have the wrong impression of the word strong.. It does not mean that you should get out of something unaffected. Strong means that you get so broken down you think that you will never rise again, and yet you do, more powerfull then before..."

She gave him a beautiful smile, her eyes glowing...

"You said you weren´t not good with this kinda stuff! And yet you always succed in making me feel better, how do you do it!"

"well, what can i say, i´m a badass turian!"

Rehna suddenly realised that she had not dreamt this night. No nightmares, no waking all sweaty and scared.. She watched garrus put another bite of food in his mouth, that warm feeling was back stronger than before.. It was all him, he made her feel safe... "I guess you are"

* * *

The council had contacted Rehna, promising they would help with the attack on Saren. She couldn´t believe it was true, they where finally starting to listen.

"Okey crew, we are heading for the citadel, the council have finally decided to help!" Rehnas voice echoed through the speakers.

"So its true then? the council have finally pulled their heads out their asses?" Joker gave her a snide smile.

"Yeah, i believe they have... I never thought this day would come"

"Lets just hope they are sincere"

"yeah..."

* * *

Rehna stepped out on the bridge beside Udina, infront of them was the whole council.

"Good job, Shepard. Thanks to you the council is finally taking real action against Saren!"

"The ambassador is correct. If Saren is foolish enought to attack the Citadel, as you believe, we will be ready for him."

"Patrols are stationed at every mass relay linking Citadel space to the Terminus systems."

Rehna could not believe it, here she thought they would take action, chase Saren, but they actually believed a blockade would be enough stop him. She felt the anger creep up on her, why was it so impossible for them to see, stupid council.

"And what about the Conduit? We have no idea what it does or how dangerous it is. We have to capture him before he reaches illos!"

"If we send a fleet to illos it could start a full-scale war!"

Udina turned towards her angrily as he spoke with a hushed voice "Now is the time for discretion Commander. Sarens biggest weapon was secrecy, exposed, he is no longer a threat. This is over"

"Secrecy isn´t his greatest weapons, the counduit and the reapers are! We have to capture him now before its to late! Send me after him, with the normandys stealth systems i can reach Illos without problems!"

The Salarian councilor pointed towards rehna angrily "But you are wrong Commander, Saren is a master Manipulator! The conduit and the reapers are just a distraction from his real goal, to attack the Citadel! And we can´t send you after him, you seem to create explosions wherever you go!"

"I can´t belive this, i have proven to you over and over that i´m capable! You didn´t trust me when i told you about Saren, are you really about to make the same mistake again! And what if i´m right, then it will be to late, the reapers will arrive and the galaxy won´t stand a chance!"

"Ambassador Udina, i get the sense Commander Shepard isn´t willing to let this go"

"There are serious political implications here, shepard. Humanity´s made great gains thanks to you. But now you are becoming more trouble then you´re worth. It´s just politics, Commander. You´ve done your job, now let me do mine. We´ve locked out all the Normandys primary systems. Until Further notice, you´re grounded."

Rehna boiled inside, she had to hold back with all her might, not to punch that stupid grin off his face. "You seem to forget who you are dealing with Udina... " She stepped up behind his back and whispered in his ear "Nobody stabs me in the back unpunished, i´ll have my revenge, when you least expect it..." Then she turned around and stormed of with Garrus and Tali in hot pursuit.

* * *

"I can´t belive this, here i thought, or hoped that they would actually listen, take action. Instead they stab me in the back and ground me.. Stupid, idiotic council! Rehna punched the locker and hung her head "They don´t get what they just did!"

"I can´t belive they are this ignorant!" Garrus shouted

Kaidan patted shepards shoulder "We´ll find a way, We have to capture Saren before Illos or its all over"

"It feels like this whole mission was all in vain" She punched the locker again "I should have known they wouldn´t listen, we shouldn´t have returned here..."

"Well get our solution Rehna, i know we will"

Jokers voice interrupted them "I think we just got our solution, Andersson want´s to meet you at flux commander"

Rehna felt a small shimmer of hope, could this really be happening?

"Garrus and Tali, tag along, we are about to get this ship moving again!"

* * *

Andersson sat by a table alone at the crowded bar, this would be a perfect place to come up with a plan. The music was to loud for anyone to hear what they where saying.

"You contacted me Captain, i really hope you got something for me"

"I do, you got me"

"What do you mean?"

"I´m going to release the Normandy, i´ll hack one of the consoles in the citadel control center, you´ll have a few minutes before anyone realizes what happened"

"There are guards all over the tower, its to dangerous. But.. its Udinas orders right, can you override them from his computer, in his office?"

"Hm.. you are right, yeah, i could do that. I´ll have to find a way to get past him though, i´ll figure it out"

"I really appreciate this Captain, i won´t forget it!"

"Don´t thank me, Saren is a threat to the whole galaxy. Even if those idiots can´t see it, i have believed you from the start!"

"At least there´s still someone with a brain left, i´ll se you on the other side captain!"

Rehna saluted and they headed back to the Normandy. There was still one problem left though, the crew. She where about to commit mutiny, and was not sure they would agree with her decision.

* * *

"I want the whole crew at the galaxy map in three min, no more, no less!" Rehna shouted through the speakers.

Soon the room was crowded with people, who puzzled watched as Rehna stepped up to the galaxy map.

Garrus saw her stand there, looking calm but decisive. Her flaming red hair fell softly around her shoulders, the green lustrous eyes watching them all, burning with determination.

"I have gathered you here because i have something very important to tell you, something that might change your opinion about me, but i have no choice... As you all know, the council have decided to ground us, claimed that we are not worthy. Not worthy of capturing one of the most dangerous people in the galaxy. Right now, Saren is on his way to Illos, He is gonna find the conduit and bring back the reapers." a nervous whisper spread through the group" We are the only ones who can stop him. But the council think its to dangerous to go through the terminus system, they believe it can start a war. I belive, that if we do not, there will not be a galaxy left to start a war in. People have died on this mission, so that we, you and I, could stop Saren!" She pointed towards them, eyeing them one on one. "You knew the danger when joining this crew, you knew the stakes. There are people out there who need us, friends, families, children!..And I need you to be here, to help me reach our goal!... This mission, is to important for us to stop now, to important to be shut down.. Thats why i decided to hijack this ship with Capten Anderssons help"

The crowd was chocked and started whispering to eachother. "I know you might feel like you have no choice in this, and you´re right.. This ship will leave the citadel and pursue Saren, no matter what you say. The only kind of choice i can give you, is to either stay or leave. I won´t blame anyone who decides to leave, i know what you might feel, and how hard it can be to decide."

They all trampled nervously, wondering what was gonna happen next. "Thats why i want you to know this. All of you, have the chance to become heroes, to be the person everyone else looks up to. You have the Chance to save the galaxy from its biggest threat so far. I couldn´t have come this far without you, and it will be alot harder if you decide to leave. I need you to forget for one second, about your own future, i need you to be unselfish, for the sake of the galaxy. This mission will be a succes as long as we stand together. We have to belive that we can do this, have faith in yourselves, have faith in me!"

Rehna started shouting with more determination then garrus had ever seen in her "We will bring that bastard down! We are going to avenge everyone that have died trying to stop him! We do this for those who need us, we do this for the ones we love! Are you going to be there in the end with me! Will you prove to everyone that we ARE indeed worthy, will you FIGHT like there is no tomorrow!" She threw her fist in the air and yelled "ARE YOU WITH ME?"

The crowd cheered and threw their fists in the air "WE ARE!"

"ARE YOU WITH ME?"

"HELL YEAH!"

Rehna chuckled and smiled.

"I knew you would, because you are the best fucking crew ever!"

They all laughed and kept cheering.

"Joker, tell Captain andersson that we are ready to leave!"

"On it Ma´am!"

They surrounded Rehna as she stepped down from the ramp, she smiled and shook their hands. Everyone wanted a chance for a brief conversation with her. Specially Kaidan who looked at her like she was a goddess, you could almost see the drool.

Garrus couldn´t believe it, he laughed and shook his head.. _damn that woman, she is incredible..._

* * *

Rehna was back in her Cabin, relaxing some before their biggest mission yet. Someone knocked at the door, interrupting her thoughts..

"Come in!"

She was a bit dissapointed when realising it was Kaidan.

"Can i come in?"

"Yeah... sure"

"so... quite an impressive speach you had there!"

"I just wanted everyone to feel motivated. To know they had a choice"

"You surely succeded in just that"

An uncomfortable silence occured between them. Rehna could see he was nervous, he rubbed his hands and his stare flickered.

"whats up?"

"Well, i wanted to speak with you... about some things..."

_oh no, i hope its not what i think it is_ "Look Kaidan, i.."

"Please just let me tell you this.. Since i first saw you, i felt something special... And that feeling has grown bigger everyday i´ve been close to you"

_no... please stop right there... this will end bad..._

"I kinda... like... fell in love with you... and i want to spend these last moments with you..."

Rehna sighed and stared at him sympathetically. "I.. I don´t know what to say.."

"I know we´ve had our moments... where i´ve been acting very stupid... But i think its because i had these feelings for you... And i haven´t known what to do about it..."

"Please... no more.. I get what you are saying.." _Here it goes... I hope he can take it _"But, i just don´t feel the same way.. You are my friend, and i want it to stay that way... I appreciate that you told me this, i really do... Lets not ruin this friendship by doing something stupid, okey?.."

Now he was even more nervous, he blushed "but... i thought you felt the same way.. i was sure about it!"

"I´m sorry Kaidan... This is how i feel, i can´t change that.."

"Oh.. i must have gotten mixed signals then..."

_how did he get mixed signals? I haven´t shown any kind of love for him... damn damn.._

"Are you okey?..."

Now he looked more pissed then sad, as he hurriedly turned around to leave..

"Well... this was embarrasing, i hope you can forget i ever mentioned it..."

And then he was gone, Rehna sighed and lay back in bed..

"So.. Kaidan huh?"

"Very funny Garrus..."

She sat up and smiled at him as he leaned against the doorframe.

"What did he want?.."

"Naah, nothing special.." She blushed and forced a laugh

"I can see that"

"You gonna stand there the whole day?"

"I didn´t know if i was allowed to come in, maybe kaidan is coming back" He teased

"Sound to me like you are jealous" She said just as teasingly

"Me? jealous of kaidan. Don´t make me laugh"

He sat down on the chair opposite from her.

"So, i guess he came here for some _company_ right?"

"Yeah, he did. But i didn´t want his company.."

Garrus couldn´t help but feel relieved, she deserved someone far better than kaidan. They where quiet for a while, not knowing how to continue on from that. Garrus was the one to break the silence.

"I guess we´re getting closer to the end"

"Yeah, we are.. I just hope we get there in time"

"We will.."

"I´m glad you are here Garrus.. In the beginning i didn´t know what to think of you, i just knew you where a really good fighter, and that i wanted you with me.. But you have grown on me, with your incredible kindness and strenght. You have been there for me when no one else was. A true friend, the only one i trust..I just wanted you to know that i care about you, alot"

"I feel the same way, you are my best friend.. my only friend to be honest..I have always been impressed with your confidence, the way you lead. I have never met anyone like you."

She leaned forward and hugged him. It was comfortable, yet strange, like nothing he had experienced before. Her soft hair tickled his mandibles, the scent of strawberry and vanilla. They stayed like that for a while, not wanting the moment to dissapear.

She returned to the bed and looked at him with that same strange expression she had done earlier today. He wondered what it meant, what it could be that made her look so full of life, he liked it.

Rehna wanted to tell him how she really felt, but wasn´t ready. She was afraid to scare him of, the only friend she had left. It was fine this way, this would always be enough, knowing he cared about her as much as she did him.

They talked for most of the night, about everything and nothing. Knowing there and then, they would never find anyone else they could care about more.


	14. Chapter 14

It took some time finishing this chapter, and im sorry if anyone has been waiting. But i have been really busy these past days, haven´t had any time for writing. Plus i rewrote the first two chapters. So for those that want to "update" Go back and read them again! =D I´m also thinking of rewriting chapter three, or atleast a part of it. I´m not pleased with any on the first chapters xD

So, thanks to those who read this fanfic, really happy that you´re here =D Hopy you´ll like this chapter, i put effort into it ;)

Lots of hugs and kisses, Alpha!

* * *

Chapter 14 - Fear 

Romance: Rehna Nahima Shephard - Garrus Vakarian

Vanguard, Colonist, War Hero.

**All the characters are owned by bioware and some of the segments of the conversations. I´m just trying my own version of the events!**

* * *

"We will reach Ilos in two hours commander" Jokers voice echoed through the speakers.

Rehna woke from the sudden interruption, _so this is it...Ilos..Saren.._ She leaned her legs off the bedside, taking a deep breath before standing up. Garrus was snoring softly in the chair infront of her, she smiled, the predator, no more dangerous than a sleeping cat.

Her body trembled, just thinking about it, she hadn´t admitted it to anyone yet, but she was scared. Saren´s eyes where burnt into her brain, she could still remember that stare, from Virmire.. The same day that Ashley had died, the memories hunted her, tortured her. He had scared her more than she thought possible, a friend of hers had died because of him.

Rehna stepped in to the shower an turned on the water, she leaned against the cold metal, letting the hot water comfort her. The steam filled the bathroom, making her vision blur, tears flodded her eyes, _Ashley_.. She hadn´t been able to mourn yet, being able to forget, forgive. It was always this stupid fighting, constantly on the run, fighting an enemy no one knew anything about. The vision bombarded her brain, sending the image of the reapers like a lightning bolt through her mind. She rubbed her temples and winced, why couldn´t she forget, why didn´t the image dissapear? She sighed, standing up and putting a towel around her waist. Her green eyes stared back at her from the mirror, red and swollen. She put on her clothes and stepped out from the bathroom. Garrus was fiddling with some report.

"So, the sleepy head has finally woken?"

He turned to face her with his usual cocky smile "I´d like to enjoy my sleep before running into hells gate"

"I see, its probably true, we´re fighting the devil" Her shoulders sank as she stared to the ground. She didn´t want to be afraid, usually weren´t before big fights, but this was something else. Garrus stood up and came up to her, putting his hand on her shoulder.

"No one stands a chance against us. We have the god on our side, you said it yourself, you´re unbeatable, immortal"

She looked into his bright blue eyes, they reflected compassion, understanding.

"And we have our incredible sniper" She smiled at him and caressed his shoulder. "Then why am i so afraid.."

"You´re not the only one, i feel it to... And if we feel it, the others have probably peed their pants already"

She let out a soft chuckle "Always trying to cheer me up. I was smart to drag you along this mission"

"I´m glad i get to be here"

"Well, this was the calm before the storm. Lets head out to the others, i need to prepare, come up with a plan"

"I´ll tag along, hopefully i can help"

* * *

"Hi, Commander, we will reach Ilos in about an hour or so"

"Good Joker, You got any last ideas?"

"I thought you were the one with the plans"

"It is, i just hoped you might got something"

"Hey, i´m just the pilot, i already have the duty to save you´re ass. Do i have to shoot the bad guys as well?"

"I´m fine with you saving my ass, you wouldn´t be able to hit anything with a gun"

"Now you´re just being mean"

"Yeah, i like being mean. I´ll go speak to Pressly, we´ll catch up later Joker"

"We sure will Commander"

She could feel the movement of the ship from below, guiding her closer to her destiny. Pressley waved and tried to hide his own fear, but she could feel it. She felt everyones fear, knew them to well for them to be hiding something like that. From the beginning that had been her duty, to get to know the crew, understand how they worked.

"So, we´ll soon reach Ilos, you got anything for me Pressley?"

"Not much Commander, we still don´t know what to expect."

"That´s comforting, so nothing then, we´ll have to figure it out as we go"

"That´s how i see it. The only thing i can recommend is that you and your team reach the conduit before Saren"

"I knew that already"

"If i may ask, what do you think the conduit is. Its supposed to bring the reapers back, but what sort of contraption would be able to accomplish that?"

"I don´t know Pressley, i don´t know.. Tell my crew to meet at the Galaxy map in ten minutes."

"Sure thing Commander, i´ll be right on it"

Rehna stepped upon the Galaxy map, the star system floated below her, emitting a bright white light. She always felt like a giant, standing infront of it. Feeling like she held the world in her hands. In that tiny map was the whole known universe, she could press a simple button and they would be on their way. She reached out her hand and ran it through the mass, it felt somewhat like water, but lighter, softer. She zoomed in on her home planet, Mindoir. Watching as it slowly spinned its course.

"You called for us, Commander"

Beside her was her team, nervously watching, waiting for orders. Kaidan looked especially uncomfortable.

"I did. I wanted you to know your assignments. Garrus and Liara will accompany me to Illos, the rest of you will wait at the ship"

She knew how much Liara wanted to come with. This would be like a fieldtrip for her, except there would be tons of enemies everywhere.

"Why! Why do we have to wait at the ship?" Kaidan exclaimed

Rehna started to get really annoyed by him, always questioning her orders.

"Because we´ll have to sneak, try to land on Ilos without our enemy spotting us. And we´ll move alot faster the lesser we are. I need you guys to stay on the ship and keep it safe. We have no idea what to expect, what Saren might have set up for us. We don´t know if we are running straight into a trap. If he attacks the ship, i´ll need you here, is that understood?"

"Understod ma´am"

"Good. We´ll land on Ilos and try to reach the conduit before Saren does, its our only chance."

"We´ll defend the ship Ma´am, nothing can happen as long as we are here!"

"Make me proud!" Rehna stepped off the ramp, heading towards the cockpit.

* * *

"Uh, Commander. We´ve got company"

"Have the sensors picked us up yet?"

"Stealth systems are engaged. Unless we get close enough for a visual, they won´t have any idea we´re here"

"Picking up some strange readings from the planets surface" Pressley added

"Take us down, Joker. Lock in on the coordinates"

"Negative on that, Commander. The nearest landing zone´s two klicks away" Pressley interrupted.

"We won´t make it in time on foot. Get us something closer!"

"There is nowhere closer! i´ve looked!"

"Drop us in the Mako"

"You need atleast a hundred meters of open terrain to pull of a drop like that. The most i can find near Saren is twenty!"

"Find another landing zone!"

"There is no other landing zone!"

"Then its our only option"

"Its not an option its a suicide run! we don´t"

"I can do it" Joker interrupted

"Joker?..."

"I can do it!"

"Good!...Team, We don´t know much, but what we do know is that Saren is a danger to the whole Galaxy. He is searching for the Conduit, he´ll try to bring back the reapers. We have to stop him at any cost, as long as i´m still breathing i will fight him. Garrus, Liara, Gear up and Head down to the Mako. Joker... Drop us right on top of that bastard."

* * *

Rehna took a deep breath and grabbed the steering wheel, her hands shaking. Garrus sat right beside her, putting one hand on top of hers, squeezing it comforting. She fixed her eyes straight forward, preparing for the landing.

"Go, go go"

She speeded up and headed off the ramp, the mako flew through the air, getting closer to the ground to finally land on it softly. They cheered and did high fives, before driving up to what looked like a gate. _Saren_.. Rehnas heart pounded hard inside her chest, as her pulse raised. He looked straight at her before closing the gate.

"DAMNIT! what do we do now?"

"We have to find another way"

They jumped out of the Mako, and headed the opposit direction from Saren, trying to find some way to open the gate.

"This is incredible"

"Yeah Liara, it´s really something"

They looked at the landscape as they went, it was like a jungle, a lost city. There where big green plants everywhere, broken ancient buildings spread out over the area. Liara looked like a child opening its first present on christmas eve.

"Quiet guys, i have spotted some geth" Rehna pointed towards the geth, who looked like they stood on watch.

She fired her first round and one of the geth fell to the ground. They fought their way through the area, running fast.

"We need to hurry, he mustn´t reach the conduit before us!"

They ran, panting as they went, until they stumbled upon a broken hologram. They stopped infront of it, rehna tried to make some sence out of its blabbering.

"it seems like its some kind of Prothean message" Said Liara

"It´s probably about 50 000 years old, no wonder we can´t understand it" Garrus added

"The message is all broken up, but i recognise some of the words. It´s a warning against the Reaper invasion"

"Incredible! The cipher must have transferred an understanding of the Prothean language into your mind"

"What´s it saying? Can you make out anything useful?"

"It said something about the conduit, but it´s to degraded to help. Come on, we got to go"

They continued through the ruins, it seemed like it would never end. Until they finally found what they where looking for. The button that would open the gate. They headed back and drove the Mako through the entrance. They drove through a slim passage, it was part of the ruins, an ancient prothean building. On the walls at the side there where some kind of pods.

"What is that?" Garrus asked

"I think it´s life pods. But it seems like their broken, must be hundreds of dead protheans inside them."

"I´m lucky i brought the Prothean expert"

The water on the walkway splashed up against the side of the Mako, as they continued driving. When suddenly a huge see through wall appeared in front, and behind them.

"Is this a trap?"

"I don´t think so. Lets head out and try breaking them down"

They discovered an elevator which they entered. It traveled downwards, shaking and hissing. When the doors open there was another hologram waiting for them.

"_You are not Prothean, but you are not machine either. This eventuality was one of many that was anticipated. This is why we sent out warning through the beacons"_

"looks like some kind of VI program. Pretty badly damaged"

"_I do not sence the taint of indoctrination upon any of you. Unlike the others that passed recently. Perhaps there is still hope. My name is Vigil. You are safe here, for the moment. But that is likely to change. Soon, nowhere will be safe"_

"Why did you bring me here?"

"_You must break a cycle that has continued for millions of years. But to stop it, you must understand. Or you will make the same mistakes we did. The Citadel is the heart of your civilisation and the seat of government. As it was with us, and as it has been with any civilisation before us. But the Citadel is a trap. The station is actually an enormous mass relay. One that links to dark space, the empty void beyond the galaxy´s horizon. When the Citadel relay is activated, the Reapers will pour through. And all you know will be destroyed."_

"What do the Reapers get out of this? Why do they keep repeating this pattern of genocide over and over?"

"_The Reapers are alien, unknowable. Perhaps they need slaves or recourses. More likely, they are driven by motives and goals organic beings cannot hope to comprehend. In the end what does it matter? Your survival depends on stopping them, not in understanding them. _"

"where did the Reapers go after they had conquered your people?"

"_Our worlds were stripped bare, harvested by the indoctrinated slaves. Everything of value, all resourses, all technology, was taken. Certain that all advanced extinguished, the Reapers retreated back through the Citadel relay into to dark space, sealing it behind them. All the evidence of the Reapers had been wiped away. Only their indoctrinated slaves were left behind, abandoned, left to die."_

"You said you brought me here for a reason. Tell me what i need to do"

"_The conduit has the key. Before the Reapers attacked, we protheans were on the cusp of unlocking the mysteries behind the mass relay technology. Ilos was a top secret facility, here, researchers worked to create a small scale version of a mass relay. One that linked directly to the Citadel, the hub of the relay network"_

"So the conduit is not a weapon, it´s a back door onto the Citadel! But how did you manage to stay hidden?"

"_All official records of our project were destroyed in the initial attack on the Citadel. While the Prothean empire came crashing down, Ilos was spared. We severed all contact with the rest of the world. To conserve resourses, all personnel that was left, was put into cryogenic stasis. I was programmed to monitor the facility, and wake the staff when the danger had passed. But the genocide of an entire species, is a long and slow process. Years passed, decades, centuries. The Reapers persisted, and my energy reserves were dwindling. I began to disable the life support of non essential personnel. One by one, their pods were shut down to conserve energy. Eventually, only the stasis pods of top scientists remained active. Even these were in danger of failing when the reapers finally returned through the Citadel relay."_

"So what happend to the personnel that was left?"

"_When the researchers woke they realised the Prothean species was doomed. There were only a dozen individuals left, far to few to substain a viable population. Yet they vowed to find some way to stop the Reapers from returning. A way to break the cycle forever. And they knew the keepers were the key."_

"Aren´t they under the influence of the Reapers?"

"_The keepers are controlled by the Citadel. Before each invasion, a signal is sent through the station compelling the keepers to activate the Citadel relay. The researchers discovered a way to alter this signal. Using the Conduit, they gained access to the Citadel and made the modifications. This time, when Sovereign sent the signal to the Citadel, the keepers ignored it. The Reapers are trapped in dark space."_

"Saren must have some plan to undo everything you did"

_" The one you call Saren will use the Conduit to bypass the Citadel defenses. Once inside, he will transfer control of the station to Sovereign. Sovereign will override the Citadel´s systems and manually open the relay."_

"What do i have to do to stop them?"

_"There is a data file in my console. Take a copy when you go. When you reach the Citadel´s master control unit upload it to the station. It will corrupt the Citadel´s security protocals and give you temporary control of the station. It might give you a chance against Sovereign. Follow Saren through the Conduit. He will lead you to your destination."_

"Saren´s got enough of a head start. Grab the data file and let´s go"

"_The one you call Saren has not reached the Conduit. Not yet. There is still hope, if you hurry"_

"Think about it for a moment commander, all the information. This might be our last chance to talk to Vigil!" Liara exclaimed

"We don´t have time Liara! We have to go now!"

"I´m sorry, my interest in the Protheans got the better of me"

The took the data disk and started running back up the hill, into the elevator.

"Can´t this thing move any faster?" Rehnas heart pounded like crazy, what if they wouldn´t catch up to Saren, what if they didn´t make it?..

Finally the elevator reached it´s destination and the group rushed to the Mako. Rehna drove as fast as she could, her feet nailed to the accelerator. They ran over geth after geth while Liara screamed in the backseat. Finally they saw it, the Conduit. She stopped the Mako, at the top of the hill, studying the wonderful sight. It reached from the floor to the ceiling, looking like the regular mass relay, only smaller. It glowed with a bright blue shine, emitting energy. All around it guarded geth armatures and geth juggernauts.

"It´s.. Beautiful..." Liara gasped

Garrus watched Rehna´s determined stare, fixed at the Conduit.

"Are you really gonna do it?"

She looked at him, a clever smile upon her face. Before she rammed her fot to the accelerator, the Mako flew through the air, beginning it´s travel down the hill. They could feel the vehicle shake as the geth attacked it. Water splashed all around the sides, making it hard to see the road.

"WE WON´T MAKE IT!" Liara yelled in the backseat

"We will..."

"SHEPARD!"

"Shut up Liara!"

A last bump against a geth and they where through. The Conduit´s energy field grabbed the Mako and plunged it through the air.

* * *

They slammed against the ground on the other side, on the Citadel. The vehicle wobbled as it rolled over some geth, ending up sideways.

"Told you we would make it" Rehna chuckled as she began climbing out of the Mako. She reached out her hand and helped Garrus and Liara get out."So, where do we go now?"

"I guess we go the only way possible, Shepard. The elevator" Garrus pointed towards the elevator, all around it lay shattered part of the Citadel.

"Do we dare... what if it breaks.." Liara shivered.

"It´s our only option, let´s go. We have to catch up to Saren, we don´t have much time."

They ran up to the elevator and jumped in, Rehna pressed the button and it began it´s travel. Halfway it suddenly stopped, it wobbled in the air, making them all stumble to the ground.

"I guess we´ll have to continue outside, put on your helmets everyone"

Rehna grabbed her rifle and slammed it hard against the glass several times, before it gave in and broke. Shattered glass flew slowly through the vacuum filled air, outside it was dead silent, except for their own heavy breaths. Rehna slowly put a step outside and landed softly on the steely ground

"Is...Is.. that Sovereign?" Liara Gasped and pointed towards the big ship.

All of them stopped, stunned at the sight of the huge Reaper..

"Are we supposed to be able to fight those things?" Garrus whispered.

It was enormous, its big arms grabbed after the citadel, scraping against its hull.

"Move it guys, we don´t have time to admire the view"

They moved slowly now, the vacuum and light gravity made it harder to walk. They had to fight through geth after geth. Taking down huge geth dropships on their way, always watching Soverign in the corner of the eye. The Citadel was darker then usual, it had closed up. Its huge arms had flung together, now impenetrable from the outside. After some time, they reached the Citadel tower.

"Finally inside, i don´t think it´s far now"

They rushed through the building, getting closer to their destination. Rehnas heart jumped a beat when she saw him, _Saren_. He was fiddling with the Citadel´s controls as they approached. Her heart rate was raising uncontrollably, she gulped and took a shaky step closer. Saren turned around and looked at them, before throwing a grenade straight at them. All three of them jumped to cover, as the grenade blew a big hole in the ground just a few feet away from them.

"_I was afraid you wouldn´t make it in time_"

She felt her own pulse drum inside her temples "I had to wipe out a few hundreds of your followers along the way.. Sorry if i kept you waiting" She leaned her back against the cover, peeking over it to try and catch a glimps of him..

"_You´ve lost, you know that don´t you.. In a few minutes Sovereign will have full control of all the Citadel systems.. The relay will open...And the Reaper´s will return..._"

She glanced over towards Garrus, he looked at her, sensing her fear. She slammed her fist to the ground.. _WHY DAMNIT! Why am i so afraid... this is bullshit! insane!...DAMN!_

"I´ve still got a few tricks up my sleeve!"

"_You survived our last encounter.. But you will end here, along with your companions. You will end, just like your friend died on Virmire..."_

She felt her heart stop for a split second, as her rage heated up..._Don´t you... don´t you dare mention Ashley.. _Her blod pumped fiercely through her veins, she felt the anger that pressed against her chest, burning inside her... _I will avenge you Ashley, just as i promised.._

"_I have changed since then, improved..Sovereign has upgraded me.."_

"Fancy hardware is not gonna save you!"

Garrus watched as the fear dissapeared in Rehnas eyes, it was replaced with that intense hate. It sent shivers through his body, making him feel uncomfortable... Her eyes were burning, glowing with a deep red light.. Her body tense by all the anger it possesed...It scared him that she could change so suddenly, that she could bring forth so much hate...

"_I suppose i should thank you, Shepard. After Virmire I couldn´t stop thinking about what you said. About Sovereign manipulating me. About indoctrination. The doubts began to eat away at me, Sovereign sensed my hesitation. I was implanted, it would strengthen my resolve. Now my doubts are gone, i believe in Sovereign completley. I understand the Reapers need organics, join us, and sovereign will find a place for you to."_

"I´d rather DIE than live like THAT!"

"_Then you will die. and your companions. Everyone you know and love, everyone you´ve ever met! Don´t you understand, You will all die! The Reapers can´t be stopped, not by the Protheans, not by you. The cycle always continues."_

"You foolish, repulsive creature.. The Reapers don´t use organics, they devour and discard them. As soon as the conquest is over you´ll be cast aside"

"_I don´t have a choice, you saw the visions, you saw what happened to the Protheans. Surrender or death!"_

"You could have resisted! You could have fought! Instead you surrendered, You quit!"

Garrus watched as shepard fixed her eyes at her sniper rifle, breathing heavily, preparing..

"_The relasionship is symbiotic. Organic and Machine intertwined, a union of flesh and steel. The strength of both, the weaknesses of neither. Join Sovereign Shepard, he can find a place for you to. There is no other options! There is no other way!"_

"There is! And i´m choosing mine now!" Rehna leaped out of cover and aimed with her sniper. It felt like slowmotion, Sarens eyes were cast by a shadow of fear. Before he could react, before even taking a breath. One bullet, a single one, penetraded Sarens skull. Blood splashing all over the ramp, as his dead body slowly slid of the edge... "I choose to fight..."

Garrus saw her standing there, breathing heavily, her chest moving up and down.. He could hear her frantic hearbeats. "_There´s the revenge for everyone you have killed Saren... For everyone that has suffered by your hand.. That´s for you, trying to bring back the Reapers...It´s for Ashley.." _Garrus didn´t know what to do, what to say.. His own heart pounded just as heavily and fast as hers.. But she needed him, needed him to bring her back. He stepped up slowly on the ramp, putting his hand on her shoulder. She shivered from his touch and tried to shake it of, but he didn´t budge.

"It´s okey Rehna, relax..."

She turned towards him, those burning eyes penetrated his "_It´s not over yet_"

He stepped forward and embraced her in his big arms, holding her tight. "_Don´t become the thing you´re hunting_..." She winced and tightened, just standing there breathing. Until she slowly began to relax, letting out a deep sigh..

"I´m.. sorry.." She escaped from his hug and turned to the console, sobbing quietly as she fiddled with the buttons, not daring to look at him.

"Vigil´s data file worked. I´ve got control of all the systems"

"Quick! Open the stations arms. maybe the fleet can take Sovereign down! See if you can open a communications channel"

Her omni tool flickered and crackled ".. The Destiny Ascension. Main drives offline. Kinetic barriers down 40%. The Council is on board. I repeat, the Council is on board!"

"Normandy to the Citadel. Normandy to the Citadel. Please tell me that´s you, Commander!"

"I´m here, Joker"

"We caught that distress call, Commander. I´m sitting here in the Andura sector with the entire Arcturus fleet. We can save the Ascension. Just unlock the relays around the Citadel and we´ll send the cavalry in!"

Rehna turned from the console and looked at Garrus and Liara.

"Are you really willing to sacrifice human lives to save the Council, Shepard?"

"This is bigger than humanity. Sovereign´s a threat to every organic species in the galaxy. We have to save them, the world needs them."

"Whats the order, Commander?"

"Opening the relays now, Joker. Save the Destiny Ascension."

Rehna glanced over the edge, looking at Sarens body "Make sure he´s dead.."

Garrus and Liara jumped down on the ground and moved closer to Saren. "He´s dead"

They began to move back when suddenly the whole tower started shaking. Sarens body emitted a red light as it began spasm uncontrollably. "This.. is not good.."

"WHAT THE FUCK! Do i really have to kill him twice?" Rehna shouted while jumping down from the ledge. "Come on guys.. Lets kill this bastard once and for all!" Rehnas adrenaline began pumping again, _welcome back Saren, welcome to Hell..._

* * *

As Sarens body slowly turned to dust Rehna heard Jokers voice over the comm "Sovereigns shields are down! Now´s our chance!"

"Hit it with everything we got" Hackets scratchy voice ordered.

They watched the explosion outside the window, as some debris headed their way. Rehna turned around and looked at Garrus with fear "GO! MOVE IT!"

Garrus heard voices not far away, as he slowly tried to sit up. Someone removed rubble nearby, trying to reach them. He could feel the heat from the fire that spread close by. Liara sat up, as someone with a flashlight turned around the corner. "Captain Anderson, we found them! Their in here!"

"Take it easy. It´s over, you´re safe now. Where´s the Commander?.." Liara shook her head and stared at the ground, tears began pouring out. Garrus couldn´t believe it, where was she, She was right behind them, no.. He looked desperatly, trying to make her appear by his will.

Anderson´s depressed gaze, stared into the distance. When a sudden glimmer of hope hit his face. Garrus turned around and searched the area with his eyes, when he spotted her.. Limping towards them with a huge smile on her face "You didn´t think that i would die that easily, did you?".

Garrus smiled as he hurriedly stod up and ran to her, embracing her in a huge hug "Of course you wouldn´t" Her whole face lit up in a huge smile, her green lustrous eyes meeting his.

"We did it..."

He nodded, as they turned to leave with the others.

* * *

"Ambassador, Captain, Commander Shepard. We have gathered here, to recognise the enormous contribution of the alliances forces, in the war against Sovereign and the geth. Many humans lost their lives in the battle to save the Citadel. Brave and courageous soldiers who willingly gave their lives, so that we, the Council, might live. There is no greater sacrifice, and we share your grief over the tragic loss of so many noble men and women. The council also owes you a great personal debt, Commander. One we can never repay. You saved not just our lives, but the lives of billions from Sovereign and the Reapers. Commander Shepard, your heroic and selfless actions serve as a symbol of everything humanity, and the alliance stand for. And though we can not bring back those valiant soldiers who gave their lives to save ours. We can honour their memories through our actions. Humanity has shown it is ready to stand as a defender and protector of the galaxy. You have proved you are worthy of joining our ranks and serve beside us on the Citadel Council."

"Council, on the behalf of humanity and the alliance. We thank you for this prestigous honour, and humbly accept" Ambassador Udina said with awe.

"We will need a list, of potential candidates to fill humanitys seat on the Council. Given all that has happened. I´m sure your recomendation will carry a great deal of weight, Commander. Do you support any particular candidate?"

"We need someone with the courage to stand up for what he believes in. Someone like Captain Anderson."

"Him? You must be joking, anderson prefers to let his fists do the talking"

Rehna gave him a snide smile and winked..

"Only with you Ambassador. Only with you.."

"Are you sure about this Commander? The Captain´s a soldier, not a politician" Udina said, as he watched Rehna with an angry stare.

"We already got to many politicians on the Citadel. The Captain would be perfect for this job"

"I think it´s an inspired choice. The Council would welcome him with open arms, should he accept"

"I´m honoured Councillor. As humanity´s representative. I´ll do anything in my power to help the council rebuild"

"Sovereigns defeat marks the beginning of a new era, for both humanity, and the Council."

"Sovereign was only a vanguard. The Reaper fleet is still coming, hundreds of ships, maybe thousands. And i´m going to find some way to stop them" Rehna turned around and walked away, with pride and confident steps.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15 - Goodbye

Romance: Rehna Nahima Shephard - Garrus Vakarian

Vanguard, Colonist, War Hero.

**All the characters are owned by bioware and some of the segments of the conversations. I´m just trying my own version of the events!**

* * *

"Here´s to Shepard, who killed our notorious enemy, Saren!"

Everyone raised their glasses and cheered.

"To Shepard!"

"Hey guys, i know i´m awesome and everything. But, i couldn´t have done this without you.. So, here´s to you! To our succes!"

Garrus laughed and patted her back "We did it!"

"We sure did" She smiled back at him "So, Garrus.. Now, a new adventure starts, i hope it will be as exciting as this one" She winked.

Garrus felt his heart pinch, he hadn´t told her yet, and didn´t know how he was going to either. "I´m sure it will"

He watched her smile at him, that beautiful and magical smile she possesed. She continued celebrating with the rest of the crew. Laughing and having a really good time, maybe consuming a bit more alcohol than was necessary.

Garrus wasn´t feeling like celebrating, not anymore. He was going to leave her, the only person that had ever made him feel alive. But she had shown him what he was capable of, what his true purpose was. He swept another drink and gazed at the end of the bar, wondering if she would understand.

The night passed by as the alcohol began showing it´s effect, tali keept going on about engines and quarian traditions. Kaidan looked depressed as he kept conversing with Liara, about how lonely he felt. Wrex and Shepard kept sweeping shot after shot, competing of who would survive the most drinks.

"I tell you wrex, you won´t beat me!"

"And i keep telling you Shepard, you´re competing with a krogan. There´s no way you´ll win!"

"I´ve done this my whole life, i even survive rynkol!"

"Yeah, and you know what. Rynkol doesn´t do shit to krogans! So you better give up!"

"That´s true... BUT! I never give up!"

"Stupid human... i´ll order a new round"

Garrus laughed and moved to a chair closer to Rehna.

"Do you really think it´s a good idea, to compete in a drinking contest, with a krogan?"

"You know me, to competitive for my own good."

He sighed "Well, just don´t make me carry you home"

She punched him in the shoulder and laughed "I can´t promise that! Maybe i want you to carry me home" She gave him a clever smile before turning to wrex, who had returned with another round of shots.

* * *

Most of the crew had parted for the night, either to drunk or to tired. Liara and Tali were still there, dancing with some strangers. They got some funny looks, as both of them were a bit to loud and a bit to drunk. Wrex stood by shepards side, sighing heavily as he patted her back.

"I think i won."

"Really wrex, you just had to push it didn´t you?"

"Not my fault, she wanted a competition, she got one"

Garrus looked down on the drunk Commander, who sat by the table, blabbering non cohesively.

"Come on Shep, i´ll get you home"

"Shut up, you big turian... thing. i´ll get myself home.." She pushed him away and stod up, wobbling.

"Oh no you don´t. I won´t have you ended up in some back alley, unconsious" He grabbed her and lifted her up in his arms.

She giggled hysterically "My big turian Hero, with his white stallion, carrying me home"

"What´s that now?" He asked curiously.

"Naah, just a human saying."

"Tell me about it"

He continued walking, getting warm by having her this close.

"Hm.. Well, it´s just, most ladies want to be rescued by someone. And he is supposed to ride up on his bright white horse, swinging his sword and saving her from the evil monster!" She laughed and continued "Most of the human fairytales end up that way. The princess is kidnapped and the prince have to come and save her"

He laughed "So what am i saving you from now?"

"A terrible long walk home!"

"Oh, i´m such a hero!"

She looked up into his bright blue eyes, blushing while cuddling closer to his chest. Normally she would have gotten embarrased, but the alcohol made her feel dizzy and distant. They reached one of the citadels Gardens.

"You can put me down now"

"You sure?"

"Yeah"

He followed her out on the lawn, they sat down close together as the monlight cast shadows upon them. She slipped out of her boots, putting her feets on the grass.

"What are you doing?"

"I like to feel the grass under my feets"

"What´s so special about it?"

"You have to experience it to understand it. Come on, try!"

He laughed and removed his boots aswell. "This was actually pretty comfortable, don´t get why i´ve never done this before"

"You see, i´m so smart!"

"I don´t think this counts as being smart"

"hush now, we can pretend!"

They laughed and stared out over the pond, admiring the surroundings.

"This is beautiful. The only parts of the citadel that can somewhat remind me of home"

"Was it beautiful on Mindoir?"

"Yeah, it was... I love the nature, don´t get to watch it alot thought.."

"That´s the military life for you.. I miss Palaven sometimes.."

"You haven´t told me anything about your past, what did you do before you enlisted?"

"There isn´t much to tell, i didn´t live a very exciting life."

"It´s interesting to me.."

"Hm.. well, i lived a pretty regular turian childhood. My mom and dad teaching me how a turian should be. The importance of military and obeying rules. I went to school just like everyone else. At that time i actually cared, i tried my best to become the person my parents wanted me to be. I was one of the best in my class, really high grades, the teachers loved me. My sister looked up to me, i was her protector. There was alot of preassure on her, to succed as well as i had done. It looked to be a really bright future for me. My dad wanted me to enlist with the military, said the most respected people ended up there. Thats when the problems began.."

"What happened?"

"Well, my dad was really controlling. I think that was the reason for why i tried so hard. I met alot of nice people there, making new friends. Friends my father didn´t like, said they weren´t trustworthy..."

"So... what did you do?"

"I ended my friendship with them, for his sake.. The most important thing for me back then, was to make him and my mother proud. I focused on my carrier, and it worked, the officers noticed my hard work and wanted me promoted. I became a candidate for the spectres. That was one of my dreams, to become a spectre.."

"But you didn´t.."

"No... My father hated spectres, said they only brought problems. He didn´t like the fact that they work outside the law.."

"So he stopped you?"

"He did, forced me to end my spectre training. I lost alot of respect for him with that. I had tried so hard all my life, always doing my best. But in the end, when i was about to pursue my dream, he stopped me."

"Thats a shame, you would have become a great spectre.." She looked at him with compassion and admiration.

"Well, that wasn´t the end of it. What finally pushed my limits, was what happen before i joined c-sec. I had slowly started to rebel against him, making some trouble were i could. He noticed and tried to regain control over me, which only made me fight him more. I fell in love with a girl he hated, she was lower ranked than us, and a real rebel."

Rehna could feel the jealousy boil inside her body, but kept her cool. Forcing down her snide comments.

"She was beautiful, and i was in love. I didn´t care when he told me to break it off, i wouldn´t give her up to please my father."

"So what got wrong?"

"He scared her off, i don´t know how, still don´t. She broke up with me, when i asked her why, she just told me to ask my dad, and then left... I went to my dad, asking him what the hell he had done, but he wouldn´t budge, refused to tell me.."

"That´s horrible.."

"Yeah.. After that i joined the c-sec, tried to be as far away from my dad as possible. He once was a c-sec officer but got transferred. So it was the perfect place for me, far away from Palaven.."

They sat there quiet for a while, studying the surrondings.

"Do you hate him?"

"As wierd as it may be, no, i don´t.. I did for a long time, i was so mad.. I Never wanted to see him again. But as i grew older, and as time passed. I realised he only wanted what´s good for me. My family always did, and i miss them.. Most of all i miss my sister, we keep in contact, but haven´t met in a long time.."

"What about that girl?.."

"I don´t know what happened to her.. She could be anywhere now.."

"Are you... are you still in love with her?"

"What kind of question is that?" He smiled at her and chuckled.

"A drunk person´s question"

They laughed.

"No.. That was only teenage love, sure, it was fun and exciting. But i was young, i´ve been parted from her for many years now.. Those feelings are long gone.."

Rehna couldn´t help but let out a sigh of relief.

"Why did you ask?"

She skipped a heartbeat "Oh... you know.. curious"

"mhm?.."

"What?"

"Curious huh?.."

"Yeah! What about it!"

He laughed and punched her shoulder lightly. "Calm down, i´m only teasing you"

She laughed and layed down on the grass, staring up at the beautiful night sky. She turned towards him, a sudden seriousness to her stare.

"You should become a spectre.."

"What?.."

"That was your childhood dream right?.. To become a spectre? You still have the chance. You helped me take down Saren, that will add enormous amounts of points to you´re resume"

How did she know.. That´s what he had planned to do, continue his spectre training. He didn´t want to leave her, but this was his chance. She had made him realise his true purpose, what he really wanted to do with his life.. How could he ever have doubted her, thinking she would be angry with him...

"I... I don´t.. Thank you..."

She reached up and kissed his cheek, his body got warm with the sudden emotional display..

"Don´t thank me.. You will become an amazing spectre!"

She looked at him, tried to hide her sadness, but it was impossible. She rose up "Well, i´m going to head back now"

"Are you okey?"

"Of course i´m okey, why wouldn´t i be?"

"If you say so.."

Before stepping off the grass they put their boots on, and continued walking.

"So, when will you leave?"

"I´ll speak to some people at c-sec tomorrow"

"Sounds good.."

"It´s been really fun working with you. You´re the best commander i have ever met, and the best friend i´ve ever had"

"Same goes for you, thanks for helping me, being there"

"It was my pleasure!"

She smiled at him "You know, i got a messege yesterday. I´m meeting up with Faith tomorrow, they finally allowed visitors."

"That´s great news, how´s she doing?"

"She has sent messages everyday. I see the change, she´s getting better, but there´s still a long way to go.."

"With your help, i´m sure she´ll get through it"

"I really hope so"

They reached the Normandy, they realised how late it really was, no one was awake.

"Good night then"

"Good night"

Rehna left him and entered her cabin, she got undressed and lay down in bed, dragging the blanket over her body. He was going to leave, she could already feel the emptiness, not knowing if she could handle being without him.

* * *

"You have thirty minutes, no more. She is very fragile so be careful when speaking with her"

"I will.."

Rehna opened the door to Faith´s room. She sat on her bed, fiddling with a teddy bear, when turning and looking at her. Her hair had started to grow back and some colour had returned to her face. Rehna was relieved when noticing the difference, she was getting better.

"Nahima... You came.."

"Of course i did"

They hugged eachother for a while, comforting.

"I brought you some snacks, didn´t know if you get any of that here"

"That´s true, we don´t get much of that.."

They were quiet, Rehna had a hard time figuring out what to say..

"How are you feeling?" She almost felt like hitting herself for that stupid question.

"I´m getting better, they are really amazing, the people i talk to"

"I´m glad to hear it.. it´s good to see you again"

"It´s good to see you to.."

They sat down on the bed together, Faith kept holding her teddy bear close.

"I thought you died to..."

Rehna felt her heart ache, this was to hard, to emotional.

"But i didn´t, and neither did you. Both of us are alive today, beating the odds.."

"Yeah.."

"Faith..You must never give up.. Whatever happens, you will make it through this. Just remember to be strong, in the end, you will stand there proud. Stronger and more powerfull than before.."

They hugged eachother again "I will. For your sake i will keep fighting, and for my own."

"It makes me happy to hear that... What do you get to do here?"

"Not alot.. I speak to different people. I get to go on small trips, to the gardens. It´s really nice, but they keep close watch on you."

"They just want to make sure you´re okey"

"I know.. They say that it helps me alot to write to you. Tell me that it´s good for me to have a friend."

"I like your letters."

"you do?.."

"Of course."

"Then i´ll always keep writing to you.."

They were silent again. Rehna knew she had to bring it up sooner or later, and decided on the sooner.

"I´m heading of on a very important mission. So i won´t be able to visit very often. But i´ll visit as soon as i get the chance. I´ll keep in contact though, promise me to tell me whenever you need something."

"I will... Nahima... Can you tell me stories again?"

"Sure"

Rehna began telling stories about their childhood, about the animals and farms. About everything she could remember, but made sure they where always happy. Faith listened with interest, it seemed to make her calmer. Soon the time was out and Rehna had to leave, feeling like she didn´t do enough.

"I´ll miss you"

"I´ll miss you to.."

They gave eachother a hug before departing. Rehna watched Faith one last time before leaving, wishing she would get better soon.

* * *

Rehna stod outside the Normandy, watching as garrus approached, soon he would leave. They had been together for so long now, it felt strange to say goodbye.

"So this is it then?"

"yeah.."

"Good luck with spectre training!"

"Yeah.."

"I´ll say hello the next time i get to the Citadel"

"Make sure to do that, i´ll be waiting"

"Well, i gotta go. It´s been a pleasure having you on the team!" _i will miss you.._

"It´s been a fun experience, i´ll miss it." _i will miss you..._

Garrus watched as Rehna turned around with a big smile on her face, waving her hand as she boarded the ship. He felt like something just got ripped out of his heart, like something was missing. He didn´t know that it would be the last time he would see her.


	16. Chapter 16

we are nearing the end of Mass Effect 1 and entering into Mass Effect 2. But in between i´m planning to have some "alone time" with Garrus. What he does in between the games, how he feels without Shepard.. So, i hope you like what im planning, and hope you like the chapter =)

A lot of hugs and kisses, Alpha!

* * *

Chapter 16 - I´ll miss you

Romance: Rehna Nahima Shephard - Garrus Vakarian

Vanguard, Colonist, War Hero.

**All the characters are owned by bioware and some of the segments of the conversations. I´m just trying my own version of the events!  
**

* * *

_Hi Garrus, it´s been quite boring here without you. There´s no one to talk to, not like we used to. Kaidan is sooo annoying! Since that night he´s been really strange around me. At first he was avoiding me, but now, he follows me like a puppy. I think it´s because you´re not around. Well, it's nothing I can´t handle, I´ll just throw him a ball and he´ll run away.. okay.. That was a really bad joke, *sigh* even those are getting worse. _

_I still think this is really silly, the geth isn´t the problem, the Reapers are. I don´t get why the council keeps sending me here, i won´t find anything new and they know it..Even Anderson agrees that this is total bullshit. He tried to persuade them into getting me something better, but they still won´t budge... Stupid council... _

_Tali and wrex have left to. Tali wanted to return with her pilgrimage gift, you know, the information we got on the geth. Wrex has decided to become some great leader on Tuchanka, I hope he knows what he´s doing._

_Well, i´m fine, everything´s great. Hear you´re doing well back there, you know, I got people spying on you... Just so you know.. Ha ha... That was a joke... *sigh* I seriously have to stop now... It´s just Anderson, he was also quite impressed with your work here on the Normandy..._

_I really miss your company. So hurry up and finish that stupid training so you can get back here!_

_See you soon_

_Rehna_

He had worked on his answer for two days now and was finally satisfied with it. So he sent the message and was about to turn off the omni tool, when it beeped, he pressed a few buttons.

**Was unable to send message, please try again later..**

_That´s strange... I guess I´ll have to try later..._

They had kept in contact the whole time apart. It was the only thing that could keep him in training. Although it was his long lost dream to become a spectre, it felt strange to be so far away from the team. They had been together for so long, and now he was alone. He put the coffee mug back on the table and leaned back in the armchair, wondering what he should do now. The training was done for the day so he had plenty of time to spare. His temporary flat was comfortably decorated to suit him. Although most people didn´t know it, he was quite the decorator, preferring soft colours and modern art. But since it was temporary he hadn´t invested too much effort.

Garrus rose from the chair and grabbed his coat, thinking he could spend some time in the Wards stores. He left the apartment and strode along the crowded streets, all around him were happy couples holding hands, which made him realize how lonely he really felt. He hadn´t had a girlfriend in years, the work took up all his time. Not that he was picky, he simply didn´t fall in love with anyone. He stopped infront of a weapons store and glared at the rifles, picking one down from it´s shelf and studying it closely. It was a beautiful weapon, with a really good scope. Although he didn´t need a new rifle he felt really tempted. He put the rifle back and continued walking, looking through the store windows as he passed.

Finally he reached the grocery store, where he stopped to purchase the regular edibles. When back at the apartment he dropped the bags on the floor. He turned on the television, before returning to the groceries to put them in the fridge.

* * *

"The ship is under Attack! Everyone evacuate!"

Rehna hurried to put on her armor while rushing towards the crew deck. She was stunned at the site, half of the room was on fire. She grabbed an extinguisher, and tried to put out the fire that was spreading furiously.

"Commander! Joker is refusing to leave the ship!"

"I´ll get him"

She turned around and began heading to the stairs when Kaidan stopped her.

"NO! What are you doing Shepard? You can´t go up there!"

"Get everyone off the ship! I´ll get Joker, I can´t leave him there!"

He grabbed her arm and held it tight "NO, don´t do it!"

She turned to him and grabbed his shoulder, squeezing it tight and giving him a demanding stare.

"WE DON`T HAVE TIME FOR THIS! I gave you an order! Get everyone off the ship safely! Is that clear!"

Kaidan stared at her for a moment, looking indecisive. "Clear ma´am" He turned around and ran the other way.

Rehna began walking towards the stairs when the wall beside her blew up. She was thrown into the opposite wall, falling to the ground as the air left her lungs. She coughed and stood up on shaky legs. She reached the stairs and began walking up the broken steps, the heat from the fire made sweat pour down her face. Before opening the door she put on her helmet and turned on the breathing equipment. Outside was total vacuum, the door hissed as she was slowly sucked out into the open, only her boots keeping her to the ground. Rehna began the slow travel towards the cockpit, the ship was bent and broken everywhere, nothing was recognizable. While walking she could hear her own slow ghostly breaths, in the otherwise silent space. In a few moments that seemed like an eternity, she reached the cockpit and stepped inside the biotic field.

"MAY DAY, MAY DAY! The Normandy is under attack! Repeat, the Normandy is under attack! We need extraction!"

"JOKER! We have to go!"

"I won´t leave the ship!"

"It´s not a ship anymore! IT´S A WRECK!"

"I can still save her!"

She rushed up to him and grabbed his collar "LISTEN TO ME YOU IDIOT! There´s no time! There´s a giant motherfucking ship out there that will blast us to hell if we don't move!"

He glared at her with tears in his eyes, as he finally let go of the console and turned towards her. She grabbed his arm and rushed back towards the escape pod.

"WATCH THE ARM!"

She mumbled curse words while pushing down a helmet on top of his head. They stumbled out of the cockpit as another explosion occured outside. The ship roared and rumbled in agony as parts of it broke off and floated into open space. Rehna pressed a button that opened the shuttle, she softly helped Joker onto one of the seats. While he was putting on his safety belts another blast hit the ship with such force, the whole ship shook violently. Rehna felt her grip loosen as she slowly drifted away from the pod. With a last effort she reached her arm out and pushed the button.

"SHEPARD NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The pod hissed and was thrown away from the ship. She could see Joker yelling and punching the window as she floated farther away from the Normandy.

Her breaths got more frantic, she could hear her own heartbeat pounding in her chest. She floated farther away as one last blast hit the ship, the shockwave from the explosion threw her through the air. Suddenly there was no air left, she tried to breath but only coughs left her mouth.

Slowly she realised that this was the end, something from the explosion must have broken her equipment. She took one last breath and held the air in her lungs for as long as she could manage. Rehna gazed at the billions of stars that surrounded her, they looked so different from what they used to, more beautiful than ever. Just as she was about to pass out she looked at the planet beside her, where the sun were about to rise. The whole area lit up in a orange glow as she slowly drifted to peace.

_Garrus, why didn´t i tell you..._

* * *

"Todays top news! Another tragic geth attack occured at the Omega Nebula. Stationed was the ship Normandy with the famous Commander Shepard aboard! There are no close reports to the events, we only know for sure that the ship went down in flames..."

Garrus dropped the bag and rushed towards the television, grabbing the control and raising the volume.

"The ship was discovered by a group of c-sec officers. Who brought in all the escape pods, after following through on a distress call from the Normandy. At the moment we don´t know how many survivors were found..."

_No... no, this is a joke... _

Garrus flew out the door, and rushed towards the human embassy. He heard his desperate heartbeats hammering within his chest. He reached Anderson´s door, and leaned against it to catch his breath before opening. Anderson sat in his office chair, a sudden strike of compassion in his face when noticing Garrus.

_No... This can´t be happening..._

"Where... is she?... Where´s Rehna!"

"Sit down Garrus... This might..."

"No... Just tell me..."

"She... She is gone.."

"When..."

"Two days ago..."

"And i get to know just now?... Didn´t I deserve to know?..."

Anderson stood up from his chair and walked over to Garrus, about to put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Don´t touch me... I can´t be responsible for my actions if you do..."

He put his hand away and just stood there, both of them in torment. "I´m sorry..."

"What happened?"

"An unknown vessel attacked the Normandy, there wasn´t much time, some of the crew barely escaped. A lot of them died. Joker, Kaidan and Liara survived. They sent out a distress call, but when the rescue team finally made it there, the Normandy was already gone... There wasn´t much they could do..."

"Unknown vessel... Was it geth?..."

"No... The reports say it´s something else, something far bigger than a regular geth ship.."

"I... I have to go..."

"Garrus... If you need anything... Anything at all.."

"Thanks... But I´ll be fine..."

_Fine... It sounded so strange to say it, nothing would ever be the same again.. _Garrus turned around and began walking with no destination. He felt completely empty. _She is gone... Don´t exist anymore... _Without realizing it he reached the garden, where they had sat just a few weeks ago. He stumbled out on the grass and knealed beside a huge tree. He leaned agains the trunk of the tree. Unable to understand how she could be gone. They had been friends for such short time, and yet it felt like forever. He removed his boots and sunk his feet in the grass, letting it tickle his soles. He leaned his head back and stared up at the crown, letting the day drift by, no record of time...

* * *

A few days later the crew was gathered at flux, the last place they´d all been together. The music rang in their ears, but none really noticed. The gloom layed like a cloak over the table, everyone could feel the emptiness.

"So... She´s actually gone..."

"Yeah..."

"I couldn´t believe it when i heard it... I got here as soon as i could, the fleet can wait..."

"The funeral is tomorrow..." Kaidan sobbed and let his head fall into his hands.

"I don´t get it..."

"SHE IS DEAD OKAY! I cant take this..." Joker stood up from the table and began limping away.

"IT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Kaidan screamed after him.

Joker turned around with tears in his eyes. "I never meant for this to happen... I just.."

Liara stood up from her chair and slammed it against the table "It´s not his fault you idiot! He wasn´t the one to blow up the Normandy!"

"BUT HE WAS THE ONE WHO..."

"So, you think this is the right way to honour Shepards memory.. To scream and fight..." Garrus looked down into his glass, rolling it between his fingers..

All of them got silent, staring at eachother before slowly returning to their seats..

"No.. No it´s not... You´re right.."

"She was strong, she might as well have been a krogan.." Wrex said while taking another huge sip of his drink.

"And kind.." Liara said as tears flodder her eyes.

"Brave, i´ve never seen someone jump right in to a battle as she did"

They sat there for a while, together they could somehow push away the sadness.

"I´m going to bed now.." Garrus stood up, wobbling, his head was spinning like never before. He hadn´t been this drunk for ages, it seemed like the time was right to start. He stumbled in to some chairs on the way out.

"I´ll go with you.." Liara said and stood up.

"Don´t, I want to be alone"

"Look, you can barely stand on your own. Let me help you..."

"Fine..."

Liara went up to his side and supported him on their way out. They walked through the crowded wards, it seemed like no one really cared. People cheered and selebrated, hugged eachother, went on like nothing had happened. Liara suddenly stopped, leaning on the railing and looking out over the Citadel.

"I never told her you know... Not that I think it would have made any differens.."

"Told her what..." Garrus said while leaning against the railing.

Tears fell from her eyes "That I loved her... People always grabbed her attention... We all know Kaidan did. And everyone really liked her... But she was my first true love, I just realised it a bit to late"

"Everyone had strong feelings for her... She was impossible to resist..."

"She was... That´s the only problem with that sentence... was... I still can't get it, the funeral is tomorrow, and yet..."

"And yet it seems like she´s going to turn around that corner any second now. Telling us it was all a joke"

"Yeah.."

He looked at her, could see her pain , so powerful he could almost touch it if he tried.

"I was there on the ship... I..." Liara held her own stomach as another powerfull sobb left her body. "I could have..." Garrus turned to her and held her in his arms, patting her back comforting. "Goddess, I saw her drift through space... I saw her through the window, everyone did... Poor Joker, Kaidan don´t know what he´s talking about... Joker will never forgive himself..."

"It´s okay Liara.."

She leaned against his chest and let out all her agony and sadness, tears flodded her eyes.

Garrus began feeling sick, he hadn´t cried, hadn´t morned like everyone else. He just couldn´t, and he hated himself for it... Here he was, with a crying friend in his arms, and even now. Even when she showed him deep emotions, he wasn´t able to cry. _What´s wrong with me..._

"Thank you.."

"You can bunk at my place if you want.."

"I would like that, thank you.."

They began walking again, Liara still supporting him. The world was foggy in front of him, he could barely see the ground. _The blessing of alcohol I suppose, at least I don´t need to think anymore_...

They got to the apartment together, Liara helped with the keys and opened the door.

"You can sleep on my bed, I´ll take the couch"

"No, don´t bother, for my sake.."

"It´s no problem for me, you´re my guest... I would prefer the couch actually, I´m to drunk to sleep..."

"If you say so... thanks... Do you need any help?"

"No, it´s okay, I can manage"

She left him in the living room and entered the bedroom, closing the door behind her. He walked over to the couch and sat down, turning on the television on low volume. He laid down and dragged a blanket over his body. After a while he fell asleep, a very worried and disturbed sleep...


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17 - Goodbye old me 

Romance: Rehna Nahima Shepard - Garrus Vakarian

Vanguard, Colonist, War Hero.

**All the characters are owned by bioware and some of the segments of the conversations. I´m just trying my own version of the events!**

* * *

It was the day of the funeral, people had gathered from all over the world. Garrus lumbered towards the big mess hall, he had to forced his legs to move, had to force himself not to run away. It felt like something big would happen, something bad, if he decided to enter that room. Liara saw him from the other side of the lobby, she wrestled her way through people to reach him. She grabbed his hand and they took the last few steps into the mess hall together.

She had to shout for him to be able to hear her. "Come on Garrus, we got to hurry, they´re waiting at the front row"

"I know, it´s just... Everything is so weird..." he shouted back.

"I know..." She looked at him with compassion before turning and walking into the hall.

The whole room was crowded, there were so many people they couldn´t even see to the front of the room. Since Garrus had dragged it out for so long they were a bit late, the priest had already started his speech, but they could barely hear it from were they stood.

_"It is a sad day, that we gather here. To say goodbye, to the person that many of us believed to be a hero, Rehna Nahima Shepard."_

Garrus and Liara struggled to get to the front row where they were supposed to be seated. There were some of the most important people, including Anderson and Udina. The priest kept talking as they walked. Garrus could feel his heart beat increase, the blood pumped in his veins. Soon they would reach the other side of the room, people around them sobbed and cried, holding onto each other for comfort. They stumbled out in front of all the people, and there it was, the coffin. He inhaled and watched it, as it looked to be shining from all the light. It was bright white, inbedded in red flowers. He sat down beside Anderson and tried to breath, tried to relax. He tapped his feet, not knowing what to do.

_"It is a great shame, that we loose such a great person. It is told, that she was gentle and strong. And it is now, that we have to honour her memory, by being just as strong."_

After a while the priest ended his speech, and Anderson stood up from his chair, approaching the coffin. Garrus followed him up, and right there, on the last step, as he stood in front of the beautiful coffin, it hit him. It hit him with such force he felt like he was thrown back to the ground. '_She is actually gone, she won´t come back anymore, I will never see her wonderful smile ever again.'_ He fell to his knees and grabbed his head, as tears flooded his eyes. His whole body shook in powerful sobs.. '_No.. why damnit, why are you gone?'_ Someone behind him grabbed his shoulder and helped him up, he didn´t look and didn't care who it was. He wanted to get away from there, wanted to get away from this unbearable pain. His legs were shaking so much he almost fell again, but the person who helped him held him strong by his side. Forcing him to move, he stumbled forward, no idea of were they where headed. The sound of people crying and talking got farther away, soon it was almost silent around him.

"For a while I thought you didn´t care..."

Garrus recognized the voice and forced his eyes to open, yet clouded by tears, he saw him, Kaidan.

"For a while, neither did I..." Garrus leaned against the wall and fell to the ground, hugging his own knees. "And right now, I wish I didn´t..."

Kaidan sat down beside him, hugging his own knees. "I know exactly how you feel, I wanted to deny it, wanted to pretend like it wasn´t true. But it was impossible, it kept reminding itself, kept forcing it´s way back into my mind." Kaidans eyes were filled with tears as he spoke.

"It was so hard to get it at first, when I got the news, something inside me denied it all. I just couldn´t belive that she... That she could actually die..." Garrus looked down at his hands, as if they could give him an answer on how to handle the situation.

"But still she is, I was there and saw it all... Maybe that´s why it´s easier for us to understand..." Kaidan gazed out over the empty room.

"If I had been there I... Maybe I could have saved her... If I´d only been there!"

"No one could have done anything... I tried to convince her to go for a shuttle, but she was so damn stubborn... " Kaidan hit the floor with his fist as new tears flooded his eyes.

"So what do we do now..."

"I don´t know... One thing I do know, we have to continue her work, we have to spread her knowledge"

"About the Reapers you mean?"

"Yes.."

"But who will believe us?"

"It doesn´t matter... We have to try..."

"You´re right, it´s our duty..."

"Then let´s do it together... For Shepard..."

They shoock each others hands and smiled.

* * *

Later that night, Garrus walked through the empty lobby, all the people were gone. He entered the big mess hall, everything looked so different at night. Someone had lit candles all around the coffin, which was still placed upon the altar. There was almost a ghostly presence in the room, he felt like he was entering another world. Still he forced himself to move closer to the coffin, to say goodbye one last time. Needed to be close to her in some way, the only way he could. He stopped in front of it, looking at the different gifts that had been placed all around it. Different kinds of flowers, teddybears and even jewelry, her picture was surrounded by them. She was smiling, holding the badge she had gotten for the Blitz. He put his hand on the lid and stroke it softly, it felt so much harsher than he had thought, almost like metal.

"Now it´s just you and me Rehna..."

He knew her body wasn´t in there, knew it was just an empty shell, something for people to connect to. Something to make people believe there could actually be a funeral. But her body was far away from here, no doubt burnt to a crisp from the athmosphere of some planet. He began crying again and fell to his knees, _you are so stupid Rehna, always thinking of everyone else. If you had just left him there, you would have survived... But that´s not the kind of person you are... Was..._ He sat there for a while, letting out all his agony and pain. Knowing fully that he would never forget her, never forget their time together.

"I know you probably cant hear me, but i hope that you can atleast feel that i´m here, always by your side. I will always belive that your spirit is out there, not even death would be able to grabb the hold of you. I need to say these words, the ones i didn´t get to say before you left. You were my best friend, more than a friend, family... I miss you already, i don´t know if i will be able to do what´s needed to be done, don´t feel like i have the power. You were my mentor! You were supposed to be there, keep me strong!"

He sobbed and took a deap breath, watching as the shadows danced upon the ceiling. The room was imbedded in soft lights from the candles. It was so beautiful, yet so harsh and rough. He stood up and walked slowly towards the door, turning around and looking at the coffin one last time.

"But i will be strong for you, i will make you proud... Goodbye love, see you on the other side..."

* * *

Garrus sat in his room, watching the picture of the team. She smiled at him and waved, looking like there were no troubles in the world.

_I miss you Rehna..._

He stood up and put the picture in his bag, closed it and threw it over his shoulder. He walked over to the doorway, staring back into the room that had been his home for over a year. It was empty now, all his furniture had been sold. There were no signs left of someone living there...

_I really tried, we all did, but it just didn´t work... I´m sorry._

He shut the door and locked it, stroking it with his hand, '_goodbye old life'_. He began a slow walk towards the shuttle area.

People surrounded him from all over, all of them waiting for transportation. Some of them looked just like him, like they wanted an escape. Some were about to visit their relatives and some were moving. When standing there in the crowd, he finally felt free from himself.

He put down his bag and sat down on top of it. He began reading an old turian story, waiting for the shuttle that would take him to Omega.

"Look Mom! It´s Garrus!"

"Hush Child!"

"Hi! I know who you are! You are that rebellion?"

He turned to look at the little girl that stood infront of him, she had bright red hair and green eyes. She looked exited, jumping up and down and staring at him.

"You are Garrus, right?"

He sighed and put away his tablet, leaning into his hands. "Yes, and who are you?"

"I´m Sarah! Me and my mother are going to Omega together!"

An exact copy of the girl, just twenty years older. Rushed over to his side, grabbing her daughters shoulders, looking at him condoning. "I´m so sorry, my daughter doesn´t know how to behave."

"It´s okay, she wasn´t bothering."

"See mom! I knew he wouldn´t mind." She tugged at her mother´s sleeve "Where are you going?"

"I´m actually going to Omega too..."

"What are you going to do there?"

"Sarah! A man´s business is his own, you shouldn´t ask him those kinds of questions!"

"But MOOM!"

"No more, come now... Thanks for your kindness sir, I wish you a safe travel"

"Thanks Ma´am, I wish the same for you"

The mother grabbed her child's hand and began walking away. The child struggled and argued untill the mother finally let go. The child ran back and stood infront of him, blushing.

"May I pleeease... Have your autograph?"

He chuckled and held her hand "Sure my dear" She smiled brightly at him and began jumping up and down again.

He took her tablet and wrote his name on it.

"I told you he wouldn´t mind MOM!" She shouted towards her mother. After getting his autograph, the child ran back to her mom, who bent down and picked her up in her arms. They were playing together, smiling at eachother. Something in him just shut down at that moment, his chest started to hurt. '_I´ll never have what they have...'_

After a while the shuttle that would take him to Omega arrived. He gave a last glance towards the Citadel.

* * *

He stepped off the shuttle, looking around him, he realized just how different everything would be. He began walking, looking at the crowds of people, everyone with their own problems. It was like stepping from heaven to hell, at the Citadel people lived in peace. At Omega most of them were barely surviving, had to scrap together anything they could, working hard to live another day. It made him want to run back, board the shuttle and return to the Citadel, but he forced himself to keep moving.

He turned and walked to the apartment area, where an Asari was waiting for him, she recognized him at once.

"Hi, my name is Deliah, you´re Garrus right?"

He sighed, he would always be recognised. "Yes I am, you were going to show me an apartment right?"

"Yes, right this way."

She began telling him about the area, that it was one of the areas with the highest standards. She pointed towards different buildings as they walked, telling him about the kind of people who lived there. About the crimes on Omega, that they wouldn´t bother him here. Finally she stopped and pointed towards a window higher up in one of the buildings.

"There´s your apartment, I´ll show you"

They stepped inside and headed in to the elevator, the low humming kept them from talking. It reached one of the top floors and they stepped out in to the hall.

"Here´s your keys." She handed him a bunch of keys "This one leads to the laundry room, this one to the cellar. But now it´s time for the apartment"

"If you don´t mind, I would like to look at it by myself"

She stared at him for a moment, before picking up her tablet and handing it to him. "Sure, if you sign this."

He opened the door and locked it behind him, staring into the small apartment. It was different from the one on the Citadel, smaller, not as shiny. He walked over to the balcony and looked out over his new neighbourhood. Children from different races played in the area, human and batarian mixed together. A turian boy playing with an asari, even a little vorcha boy joined them, even though he looked to be mocking and bullying the rest. Even though it was different, not as high standard as he was used to. He realies that he would probably like it better here, this place was alive, a new start.

He turned around and watched his apartment, thinking about how to decorate it, how to make it his new home.

* * *

Garrus sat in his apartment by himself, reading as he usually did. He had gotten a job, although it didn´t bring much money, he still had a lot left from his time at the Citadel. He had decorated the apartment the way he liked it, modern yet comforting and soft.

There were pictures on the wall, of the turian homeworld Palaven. Pictures of his family, and a few paintings from different artists.

He put his tablet down and stared out over his apartment. He felt so empty, not knowing what to do with his life. Right now the only thing he did was survive, he felt like a ghost walking through life with no goal, no friends to help him feel again. And it was his own fault, everytime someone tried to talk to him he ignored them. He wanted to be left alone, with his own thoughts as his only company.

Something in him started to miss the companionship of friends though. He missed the time at the Normandy, missed all his friends. But so much had changed, he didn´t even know who he was anymore.

He stood up and walked over to the kitchen, opening the fridge and picking out something similar to beer. He leaned against the bench as he took his first sip. He stared out the window as the sun was setting, a yellow and red light lit up the apartment. He closed his eyes and enjoyd the heat from the sun.

'_I need to find out who i am...'_

* * *

Garrus had lived on Omega for two months now, but nothing had changed. He still felt miserable, still a failure. He was heading towards the store district, about to pick up some groceries. When suddenly he heard someone screaming, a little girl was running towards him.

"PLEASE HELP ME! My mooom! PLEASE!"

He recognized the girl, it was the one with the red hair, the one at the Citadel. He ran towards her.

"What´s happened?"

"They´re being mean to my mom! Help me!"

"Show me the way."

She began running back from where she came, he followed her. They turned around a corner, two batarians were mocking and hitting a woman, threatening her.

"Give us your money!"

"Please, I don´t have any money..."

"We know you do! Just look at your fancy clothes, you´re one of those rich people!"

"I don´t have anything on me!"

"You BITCH! Just hand it ov..."

He didn´t get to finish the sentence, a big turian hand smacked his face with the force of a bull. Before the other thug had time to react, he was also slammed to the ground. Both of them unconcious. The woman screamed and fell to the ground, hugging her own legs.

"Please don´t hurt me" she sobbed.

"Don´t worry, I´m here to help..." Garrus kneeled and lend her his hand, she looked up at him, hesitating but finally grabbing his hand. He helped her up "Are you okay?" She nodded.

"Thank you... I don´t know what I would have done without your help..."

"Thank your girl, she was the one to come and get me. She is really courageous" He looked at the girl and smiled.

"Oh Sarah" she bent down and hugged her daughter "Thank god you´re alright..."

"Are you okay mom?"

"Yes, I´m fine dear."

He watched them hugging, looked at the thugs on the ground. He had just saved her, without his help she would have.. he didn´t even want to think about it. "I´ll help you get home"

"Thank you sir... Hey, aren´t you the one we met on the Citadel? Do you live here?"

"Yes, we met, I´m Garrus Vakarian. I live a bit farther from here, in the Gilligan district"

They began walking together, the woman still shocked by the experiense. There was nothing like calling the cops on omega, there was only one law, her name was Aria. She was the one to keep the thugs in line, the only problem with that. Was that Aria made deals with the thugs instead of locking them up.

"I´m Verona. We live not far from there... I couldn´t thank you enough... Can I at least offer you dinner for the trouble?"

"Don´t bother Ma´am, it was a pleasure to help... And thanks for the offer, but I´d rather eat alone." He looked at her, she reminded him about someone, someone who it was too painful to remember.

"I really want to make this up to you." She stared at him, compassion in her voice.

"I´m very greatful for the offer ma´am. But I still need some shopping done."

"We live right over there, we can manage from here. Again, thank you sir..." She shook his hand.

"My pleasure"

"And Garrus, here´s my number, in case you change your mind" She winked at him, by now he had learned what that expression ment. She looked at him with admiration, and something that reminded him of flirting.

He smiled at her and took the number, with no intention of ever calling, hoping she would just forget him.

"Can I get your number as well?" She smiled at him

_Damn_ "Sure, why not." He handed her his number... _Why did she have to ask_...

"I´ll call you later Vakarian"

"Take care..."

He turned around and left them, beginning to walk his way back to the shopping district. While thinking about the recent events, he realized what he wanted to do from now on. He needed to help these people. The crimes on Omega were many, to many criminals were ravaging this place with no one to correct them. He decided to be that person, he would get this place running again. His strides became swifter and determined, finally he had a goal in his life again.


	18. Chapter 18

So i´ve worked reeeeeeeeeally hard on this chapter! I wrote it in one go, and i loved every last moment of it. It was so fun! And I´m going to be honest, I haven´t been really pleased with any of the previous chapters, there´s always something i want to change or add, and so one. But with thise one, I´m actually fully happy, and I´m actually pretty proud of it ='3 Hope you like it! Enjoy!

Hugs and kisses to everyone! / Alpha

* * *

Chapter 18 - New beginning

Romance: Rehna Nahima Shepard - Garrus Vakarian

Vanguard, Colonist, War Hero.

**All the characters are owned by bioware and some of the segments of the conversations. I´m just trying my own version of the events!**

* * *

After two months of fighting criminals, Garrus began to feel tired, alone. He had sold his apartment on the Gilligan street and gotten a new one, further away from the town. It was necessary since people could easily follow him to the other apartment. He needed to stay hidden, invisible. The new one was his headquarters, safety cameras were put up to spot anything unusual. He always made sure no one followed him, always made sure to be careful. Most of his savings had gotten into getting the flat working, with all the extra equipment and safety constructions. He still thought it was worth it. He didn´t know what to else use his money for anyway.

The only thing wrong with living outside town, was the lack of people. Only a few batarians and vorcha ran these streets, nothing of interest. The only company he ever got was that of Verona. He had visited her a few times now, finding her company pleasing. Her daughter Sarah lit up his days of sorrow, with her childish cute behaviour and amazing laughter. Verona had tried to flirt with him a few times, something he wasn´t used to, humans usually avoided turians. It was clear that Garrus wasn´t the first turian that she had flirted with, or more for that matter. But she soon discovered he wasn´t interested.

Garrus rose up from his armchair and headed to the fridge, picking out something similar to a sandwich. He walked out to the balcony and watched the bridge for any sign of trouble. The light from the fixtures shone down on it, making it visible to almost every corner.

_Looks good, nothing unusal._

He took another bite and walked over to his computer, watching the security cameras. There was a fight between a batarian and a vorcha. The reason being one had bumped in to the other. Both races were known for their violence, a simple bump would set the other one off. Suddenly the vorcha threw a fist at the batarian, who easily dodged it. Soon, they lay in a pile on the ground, fighting each other furiously. Garrus laughed, nothing he needed to do anything about. They would probably land a few punches, then walk off as if nothing had happened. He pressed a few buttons and a message popped up on the other screen.

_There will be a meeting later this evening over at Balta. Blue suns involved._

Garrus regularly recieved tips on his mail of possible illegal meetings. From the beginning he knew he needed news and tips from other people. Alone he wouldn´t be able to gather information as quickly, so he did something really stupid. He began putting up posters and messages over the internet. Passing them on to his email adress, which he made sure stayed clear from buggs and hackers. Telling people to contact it if they needed help or were in trouble. He always made sure to be very careful, and nothing had gone wrong yet.

He read the message as he kept eating. Most logical would be a couple of containers of red sand, and some illegal weapons. That was the usual exchange in the underground, people wanted to get high and fight. He knew it could be a trap, he gave that thought to every mission, but decided to check it out anyway.

* * *

At approximately twelve o'clock Garrus left the flat, with his rifle resting safely on his back. He boarded his shuttle and headed towards the town. Most people had already gone to bed, just a few wandered the streets alone.

He parked the shuttle a few blocks away and then headed towards the back alley, Balta. It was a famous extraction point. Although most people didn´t know of its location, only its name. The reason it was so well used by the criminals, was partly because it was well hidden, partly because you had an excellent view of the surroundings, even greater on top of a roof. Garrus examined the area and found what he was looking for, a ladder. He climbed up and landed safely on the roof. Most buldings were built with a flat canopy with high edges. He settled near the edge and reached for his rifle. Which he placed on top of the ledge, he leaned forward and looked through the scope. He was there early to make sure no one spotted him, the roofs were kept dark, which made him impossible to spot from the ground.

After an hour of waiting he finally got what he was looking for, blue suns. The group slowly moved through the alley, carrying a couple of containers. They gathered and began to talk amongst themselves, which Garrus couldn´t hear from were he was. Which was the only negative with positioning oneself on top of a roof.

_Need to make some sort of communication device that I can plant. _

Most of the time it didn´t matter much what was said, he just made sure there wouldn´t be an excange. He watched carefully and waited for the other part, the ones that would recieve the goods. After about half an hour they appeared. It was a group of three unidentifiable people, probably shop owners. The saddest thing with these kind of missions, were the fact that sometimes the people involved weren´t bad people. It was just regular people who needed to feed their families, and the best way to deal with that, was to purchase illegal merchandise and sell them for more than their worth. It was just a way to earn some extra cash, Omega wasn´t exactly wealthy. The products weren´t of high standard, sometimes not even complete, and people scraped at every corner to find something to earn money from. But Garrus knew that if he got rid of the higher criminals, Omega would become a better place. The merchandise would get higher quality, because they would come directly from the Citadel. Henceforth, people would be willing to pay a higher price, so the shop owners would earn more money. It was a win - win situation, it would take time to get it in the right direction, but someone had to start. Garrus had loaded his rifle with concussive rounds, a powerful ammunition, but with the ability to stun the target, not kill. He only used regular when there was no other way.

He went through the plan in his head. _Shoot a round, shoot some more. Get the targets immobilized, get down there and grab the goods. _Afterwards he would make sure that the merchandise got transported to C-sec on the Citadel, they would take care of it. If it worked out, he would have stopped another illegal exchange.

Maybe he got too comfortable with himself, maybe he had succeded with his missions too many times. But this night, Garrus didn´t keep enough attention. He didn´t notice the fact that maybe the guys down there acted a bit too friendly. Didn´t notice the blink of a scope on one of the other roofs. No, this night Garrus was too tired to care, he just wanted it over with. He shot the first round and hit one of the blue suns. Just as the shoot went of he saw the flash from another rifle. He barely dodged the bullet by hugging the ground with his face. _Damn, damn DAMN!_ He breathed heavily, as he tried his best to hide his huge turian self behind the small concrete edge. He layed flat against the ground on his back, hugging his rifle. There were constant fire going on, bullets flew over his head, barely avoiding him. He could hear screams from the ground.

"He is up there guys! On the Northern roof, NOT THAT ONE YOU IDIOT! THAT ONE!"

_Good job Garrus, get yourself in a situation you promised to never get into... STUPID, i should have kept my eyes open..._

He needed time, needed to figure a way out of the situation. _I need to get off this roof and run_. He searched every corner for a possible way. The ladder was placed on the other side. He could crawl there, but would probably be sprayed by bullets not even half way there. He got a sterner grab on his rifle and slowly put it over the ledge and fired a round.

_That will at least keep them distracted._

Not that it would keep them from climbing up the ladder and surrounding him. The only positive thing about this situation. Was that he would be able to shoot anyone attempting to climb up to him. As soon as he saw the tip of their head above the ledge he would shoot them. He kept firing while thinking out a plan. He needed to find out where the snipers were placed, needed to know what to dodge, safe angles. He searched his pockets for anything that could resemble a mirror, nothing was found. Just as he was about to give up that plan, he noticed a glass bottle on the other side. He thanked the spirits that youngsters used the roofs as hangouts. He could crawl beside the ledge carefully and get close enough to grab it.

_I´ll be able to use it as a really lousy least I´ll be able to see where their firing from. _

He began crawling very slowly towards the bottle, each crawl being very careful so he didn't get hit by the rain of bullets coming at him. He kept close guard on the ladder, making sure no one climbed up. He finally reached the bottle with much struggle, he grabbed it and returned to lying on his back. Very carefully he raised the bottle above the ledge and studied the reflection. He noticed three snipers, or rather the explosions from their rifles, very cleverly placed on selected roof tops.

_If I´m really lucky... I mean really amazingly lucky, I´ll be able to hit that guy from here... But I´m not called the greatest sniper ever existed for nothing._

It seemed like they hadn´t noticed the bottle yet, since they kept shooting at his previous location. _That means they don´t know I´ve crawled this way_. He moved his body so that he laid with his head directed towards the ledge, his legs now fully exposed for any bullets.

_If I hurry, I´ll be able to shoot that guy, and that guy, before they react. Then I´ll crawl back behind the ledge._

Garrus aimed with the precision of a well trained sniper, towards the guy at his right. He took a deep breath, making sure not to move a muscle. Then pulled the trigger, the response was as expected, he quickly moved his scope towards the sniper closest and fired another round, same result. Then he slammed his body against the ledge as another round of bullets rained above him. He took long deep breaths and glanced towards the ladder, just as he noticed the tip of a head. He fired a round and the head dissapeared.

_Poor guy, that will hurt when he lands. Well, there was no other way. Okay, seems there are only two snipers left, that I know of. Maybe I can fool them again by moving back to my previous location._

Garrus decided that was his best solution at the moment, and began crawling yet again. Just as he reached his destination he noticed another head above the ledge. _That was quick_. He shoot the head which yet again disappeared. But he couldn´t keep track of everything, there is just so few eyes in one person, at least a turian person. When turning his back forward he stared into the scope of a rifle.

_No fucking way...So there was another sniper..._

"I GOT HIM GUYS!"

The person holding the rifle aimed towards him, a bright white smile appeared in the dark. Garrus knew this was the end.

* * *

Just as the guy was about to pull the trigger, he was shot in the head and fell to the ground, dead. Garrus couldn´t hide his shock and began nervously searching for who was responsible. He could hear the upproar from the ground.

"HE´S GOT A FRIEND, WATCH OUT EVERYONE! GET THAT MORON KILLED!"

_I got a friend?_

He raised the bottle above the ledge and saw two of his enemies get shot down. From what he knew, those were the last snipers. He heard someone running on top of the roofs towards him, he aimed his rifle towards the sound and fixed the scoope.

"Hey, I just saved your fucking ass, and as thanks you´re going to shoot me?"

Garrus lowered his rifle and stared infront of him. They guy jumped from the other roof on to his and slowly began walking towards him. Garrus made sure to be on his guard, since the guy he was looking at was dressed up as a blue sun.

"Who are you?" Garrus asked doubtfully.

"I could ask you the same question, Archangel..."

Garrus breathed heavily, how could this guy possibly know who he was.

"Please... Don´t look so surprised, It´s not exactly a secret that you´re out here playing hero.. So, you´re a turian... Hm, I would have guessed Asari, turians aren´t known for their generosity." The guy spoke so fast the words almost got lost in one big mumble.

The guy smiled through the hole in his helmet, and reached down a hand to help Garrus up.

"You didn´t answer my question..."

The guy aimed towards the ladder and fired, they could hear a heavy thump when someone hit the ground.

"They give these people to much credit. When will they learn! Climing up a ladder means hard fall to the ground," The guy kept prattling "No time for questions, we need to move."

Garrus sighed and followed the guy as they jumped to another roof. They keept moving from roof to roof until they reached a somewhat safe location. Then they climbed down and ran, the mission had been a trap, the containers were probably filled with nothing but air. No need to go back and finish up.

"Where´s your shuttle?" The guy asked in one breath.

"I shouldn´t even try to understand how you know all these things. It´s over at the parking lot a few blocks away."

"Good, let´s get there, then we can talk"

They didn´t stop running untill they were at a safe distance. This time Garrus made absolutely sure no one followed them. He wasn´t going to have mercs knocking his doorstep. Finally they reached the shuttle.

"So, thanks, for the help... But I´ll go on alone from here" Garrus said a bit irritated.

"No, no, don´t think so mister! I saved you, you owe me!"

Garrus sighed "What do you want, I haven´t got much. This business doesn´t bring in that much cash."

"That must be a lie! Just look at what you can take from each venture!"

"I don´t bring that stuff home you maniac. That would make me as much of a criminal as the ones I´m fighting."

"I may be a maniac but not a fool! You must keep some of it for yourself, or else you wouldn´t be able to keep going!"

"No, I don´t keep a single little penny! But enough with that. What is it that you want from me?"

"I wanna join your team of course!" The guy smiled

"There is no team, there´s only me, and it will stay that way!" Garrus said and began walking towards the shuttle.

"That´s why I´ll join, you need help. The communication system you´re using at the moment is ridiculous! I could build something far more complex in my sleep! You need me, and I want to help!" He kept going in the same rapid pace. Garrus had to concentrate to be able to get what he was saying.

"But I know nothing about you, I don´t even know how you managed to find me. Can you slow down your prattling, I´m getting a headache..."

The guy laughed and pulled off his helmet, showing the particular head that resembled a salarian. "My name´s Mierin! I´m the one who´ve gave you some of the information you recieved. I found your hilarious note. You must have been desperate, or simply to stupid to build something efficient!" Finally he slowed down a bit.

"You think you´re going to win me over by offending me. Well, I can tell you that it´s not working. I work alone, and that´s that." Garrus opened the door and took seat in front of the steering wheel.

"Hey, wait a minute!" Mierin opened the door on the other side and sat down in the passenger seat. "Don´t you get it? I can help you! As it is now, your missions are going slow, you don´t get the information you need in time. Don´t misunderstand, you´re a great soldier, just not a great computer guy. I could be that guy. And just think about what we can accomplish together! I beg you!"

Garrus finally started to consider Mierin´s propose, he needed someone to operate the computers. And the guy practically jumps in to his lap and offers just that. The problem was that Garrus had gotten used to working alone. And most important, he didn´t trust anyone, especially not someone dressed as a blue sun.

"I know what you´re thinking, you can´t trust me. You think that I´m setting up a trap. But I´m not, and to prove it, I´ll show you this." Mierin searched his wallet and handed over a photograph to Garrus "That´s my sister Nariah... Or was... She got killed in a gang fight, and no, she wasn´t involved. She was just passing by, and they killed her, in cold blood. You wanna take a guess at who it was? Exactly, Blue sun... You don´t get how much I wanna nail those guys. I want to kill every last one of those bastards! With my bare hands if I have to." And Mierin was back to the same rapid pace.

Garrus studied the photograph of the cute salarian, she was young, probably about nine years old. _poor girl.._ Garrus sighed.

"I even got the article from that day, I can show it to you if you still don´t trust me. My beloved sister got killed by those bastards. She was completely innocent, I want to fight these criminals any way I can. But I need help, you´re my best option" Mierin was almost begging on his bare knees, but he had succeded.

"Fine, but you don´t get to slow me down" Garrus started the shuttle and began his travel back towards the headquarters.

They had traveled for some time when Garrus remembered something. "Hey, I forgot to ask. Why are you wearing a blue sun outfit. And how did you know where to find me?"

The salarian rolled his thumbs and looked down at his knees. "Well... This is kinda embarrasing... But I actually failed and got a bad tip... I didn´t notice until it was too late, I realized you would get killed if you didn´t get help. It was a set up you see, they knew you would come, and were waiting for you to make the first move. What they didn´t realize was that I was there to. I snuck up behind a guy and killed him. Then I put on his armor and headed into the group. I listened to their conversation and tried to find out were you were located."

Garrus snorted angrily "Then how come you didn´t help me sooner!"

"Erhm... That´s the worst part... I was the one you shot..."

Garrus felt the embarrasment heat up his body "Well, it was impossible for me to know. Sorry anyway"

"No worries, as you said, impossible for you to know. fortunately you didn´t hit me as well as you thought, plus, the armor was a bit too big. So I woke up pretty fast, and as soon as I could I snuck up on one of the roof tops. Not a moment too late if I may say so."

"Well, now that´s sorted out."

A few moments later Garrus steared the shuttle in a sharp turn, they could see his flat from here.

"Welcome to my home, and headquarters."

"Wow, you must be wealthy. Who are you anyway, you still haven´t shown me your face!"

Garrus pulled of his helmet and put it on his side, followed by reaching out his hand. "Garrus Vakarian" Mierin shook his hand.

"Wow, not only are you Archangel, I´m facing a real legend. Garrus Vakarian, one of the famous heroes of the fall of Saren. Thanks for bringing that bastard down!"

Garrus laughed "My pleasure"

* * *

A few weeks later Garrus returned from a mission, completley exhausted. He stumbled through the door and got rid of his armor. He tiredly began walking up the stairs before heading towards the communication room. Mierin sat infornt of the computer, his hands moved feverishly over the screens. Garrus still had a hard time to understand how the salarian could keep up with all the work. In the time he had moved in to the flat and up until now, he had improved the systems by 130%. Garrus was good with computers and hacking, but not that good. And he actually enjoyed the company of the crazy salarian. He had almost forgotten how it was to work with another person.

"So I guess the mission went well?"

"Yes, but it was exhausting. It doesn´t matter how much I prepare, there´s always something that goes wrong..."

"I´ve worked on something that´ll fix that."

Garrus opened the fridge and picked out the dextro version of Coca Cola. He eagerly drank the mixture, emptying the bottle in one sweep. He put the bottle on the bench and walked over to Mierin, sitting down on a chair beside him. "Fix what?"

"The problem. Even though you are an outstanding soldier, there is just so much one person can handle. I´ve been messaging with a few different potential people who can contribute."

"No, I don´t want more people involved with this!" Garrus exclaimed

"I know all about your trust issues" Mierin said teasingly.

Garrus snorted

"But you need help, you know it" Mierin glanced at Garrus sympathetically. "That´s why I began searching for more potentials teammates. I´ve found two people that would be really helpful. Both of them stood out in military training. One calls herself Sensat, she is a Turian. The other one is called Ripper, he´s a batarian."

Garrus sighed "But I don´t want to trust more people with this location. And even if it wasn´t about trust, these are dangerous missions we´re handling. I´m not sure I want to put more people at risk"

Mierin chuckled "But you see, I got solutions to both of those issues. I´ve plotted on this long and hard so I want you to listen carefully. Our little group are going after the mercs, right?"

"Yes, we are" replied garrus tiring.

"I told you to listen carefully. I´ve come up with a name for us. The Avengers!" Mierin laughed and playfully jabbed Garrus' shoulder. "Because everytime we kill one of those lousy scumbags we avenge someone who´s been wronged by them. Hence the name, we avenge people."

Garrus gave him a questioning glance.

"C´mon! You know It´s awesome."

"You seem to always drift off the trail, what does this have to do with the two people you want to hire"

"Aha! That´s the most fabulous thing about this plan."

"Oh, let me guess, both of them had a relative that got killed by the mercs"

Mierin let out a dissapointed moan "You ruin all the fun! But yes, you´re correct. Sensat´s husband was killed by the blood pack. Everyday she seeks a way to bring revenge. I´ve done tons of research on both of them. What she says is legit. And her military backround is astonishing! Ripper´s little brother was killed by blue suns. Their father had gotten in some deep trouble, and as a way of hurting the family, the blue suns snuck in one night and slit the boy's throat"

Garrus felt the rage fill his body... _These mercs have no compassion at all, killing a little boy mercilessly._ "The mission is still as dangerous, no mather they want revenge or not"

"That´s true. But do you really think they care about that? Give these people the chance to avenge their family. What would you have done if someone killed a person close to you. Would you sit on your ass and do nothing, or would you find a way to kill the motherfucker who did it?"

Garrus knew to well how he would handle things. That´s the reason he was here in the first place. "Okay, you´ve convinced me. So how do we proceed from here?"

"Don´t you worry about that dear friend. I´ll handle it. What you need to worry about is getting enough nutrition, you´re getting slimmer each day. Here, take a fruit!" Meirin threw him an apple.

"Aren´t you forgetting something?"

"Huh?... Oh, that´s right!" Meirin chuckled "Here, take this instead." He threw a protein bar.

Garrus cought it and ripped open the packaging "Yeah, seems like you´ve got a bit to much on your mind."

"So take a look at this." He pointed at a screen. "I´ve been working on a better communicating system, one that will be very efficiant on the field. You would only need to pick this little peice up, push it against a solid object. Voila! Microphone a la Meirin."

"Can you translate that last part?"

"Sometimes I question your sence of humor Garrus. It´s basically a microphone that you can put anywere. It doesn´t have much power and only last for about two hours. Still, enough to get through a mission. The best part is that it can send to different locations at once. Which will be great when you get teammates, all of you can listen in to the goody goody parts."

"Good job Meirin, I´m sorry I ever doubted you" Garrus patted his shoulder and laughed.

"Well, then you´re about to get even more impressed by what I´m about to tell you." The salarian said exiting, almost jumping up and down his seat.

"You got way to much energy, you know that right?"

"Shush now, I´ll show you" He looked at garrus with a clever grin. "You know something, you´re to obsessed with your visor."

"Get to the point" Garrus sighed.

"Well, that´s actually part of the point" Now Garrus got exited, was it what he thought it was? "You see, since I got here, I haven´t seen you without that stupid visor even once. The worst part about that, is that the one you´re wearing is way under optimised. The one i´ve been working one, which will soon be finished" Meirin pointed towards the screen. "This baby right here, got Magnification up to 100x. Integrated target tracing! Optional wind and gravity compensation solutions. It is Sonar, LADAR, thermal, and! EM targeting capable! It´s Armor hotlink provides backtracing of incoming fire and corrects for microrefraction of outgoing shots through kinetic barrier."

"Hey... You don´t need to keep blabbering, I can read you know."

"Don´t spoil all my fun all the time! But you know what's the best thing about it?"

Garrus chuckled and watched Meirin with an amused grin. "No, please tell me."

"It playes music! You can put in any music you like, isn´t that just wonderfull! Now you can fight with background music! Just think about how cool you´ll feel, shooting someone with ´Die for the Cause´ playing!"

Garrus let out a huge laugh "How do you know about our turian imperial anthem?... Never mind. So, a new visor, and a new communication system. You make my days so much easier."

"Thought it´d make you happy!" Meirin smiled

"I´m more than happy, believe me!" Garrus took another bite of the protein bar.

"Glad to hear it!"

"Tell me more about these guys we´re hooking up. How did you find them?"

"Just search the interwebs of course. It wasn´t really easy, not really hard either. You just need to know what you´re searching for. Take this for example." Meirin browsed through a few sites by touching the screen in different places. "This guy, a salarian, calls himself Weaver. He´s visited a lot of sites about fighting mercs. Now we only need to put weaver-salarian in the search motor. And it will find us some hits"

"Throw me another one of those bars, they taste great" Meirin picked one up and handed it to Garrus. "But arn´t you going to get thousands of hits that don´t match?"

"Yes, you are absolutley right. There´s where my hacking comes in. If I hack his login, Weaver, I can get his IP. With that I can combine the two and I will only get things connected to that specific salarian. Of course we´ll recive some results that don´t match him, but we´ll found out which ones do pretty fast"

"You´re a genius, although I belive stealing and hacking someone's login is illegal. I may have to run you in." Meirin looked at him with a surprised, half scared stare. Garrus laughed "I´m only kidding, but still, it´s illegal right?"

"Yes, it´s illegal. But we´re not doing anything wrong, we´re not stealing or changing anything. We´re just visitors in his home, leaving everything the way it was. It´s the only way for us to make sure he´s trusthworthy."

Garrus swollowed the remains of the protein bar "Sounds good enough for me. So what results did we get?"

Meirin scrolled the page and fiddled with the screen, choosing one of the links. "Let´s see.." He scratched his cheek "This guy´s parents were killed by some Eclipse mercs. He was only a youngster when it happend. poor guy. He´s kept in contact with a few people regularly, discussing the crimes, how he wished he could do something about it... Hm... lets see, here´s the one he´s been in contact with the most, Butler. Yeah, they have discussed a lot about Eclipse.." Meirin kept scrolling when something suddenly popped up on the screen. "Hey, that´s not supposed to happen. What the..."

Garrus started to read puzzled.

_Get the hell out of my account, Get the hell out of my computer. If you don´t do it within 1 minute i will trace your IP, plant a virus and ruin your computer... I´ve already started counting. 1...2...3..._

Meirin couldn´t hide his shock as his hands started flying feveriosly over the screens. "DAMN! This can´t be happening... DAMN... I´ve never seen anything like it" He kept closing window after window.

Garrus sat by his side, completley puzzled, counting as the minute slowly neared it´s end.

Meirin let out a sigh of relief and leaned back in his chair. "That was a close call. I should have been more careful. Didn´t realize we were handling with another hacking expert"

Garrus felt the anger creep up on him "So... Your little fiddling could have ruined this whole computer system?"

"Yes, it could have, but it didn´t. I´ve put on some safety measures. There´s no way hell pass buy my security system. But that tought me a lesson, I´ll definitly be more careful from here on out." Suddenly a smile spread all over his face, he turned to Garrus with a clever grin. "But now we just found ourselves a new potential teammate. Remember, the bigger the organization, the bigger the brain. I´ll make sure to study this Weaver closely."

Garrus let out a deep sigh and yawned "I hope you know what you´re getting yourself into. This computer cost way too much to be put at risk. But you´re right. We could use another brain in the squad."

Meirin laughed "I see that you´re not so hard to convince anymore, you´re starting to get a feel for this aren´t ya?"

Garrus chuckled. "I guess I am!"

"You look tired, I recommend you head to bed"

"Are you my doctor now as well?"

"No, it´s just a good advice"

"Yes, very good advice" Garrus yawned again "Which I will follow. Goodnight"

"Goodnight, have a good sleep"

Garrus could feel how the weight lifted from his shoulders, things were about to work out. He had a friend, a really amazing friend. Soon they would have people to help them with the missions. His own team, The Avengers, he still thought the name was a bit ridicilous though.

He entered his quarters and fell to the bed, falling asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.


End file.
